The girl - me

I received news of another colleague who has tendered last Friday. It has certainly become a norm for me, yes, another one leaving. My colleague told me during lunch that in Boys' Town, the workers are all there for at least 5 years. Maybe I should pack my stuff and head there or somewhere where leaving is not the norm. Maybe I have an issue which people leaving or maybe there are just too many or maybe just too many at one go. Just 3 months. It's just a bit too soon for me to be able to accept it gracefully. Well, it's like ... emotional? Prob it's the timing I tell myself, now is not a good timing. It's important to learn how to let go cos it will happen inevitably, just a matter of time, as we all agreed on during lunch. Sad, but true. As I was going home last week, suddenly I was imagining how it will be like when I leave the organisation. Halfway through it, tears was welling up in my eyes, it was hard to continue. I seriously dunno how I am going to go through with it when the day finally comes. Maybe it will come when most of the kids I am closed to are discharged and my close colleagues not around anymore. God is gracious I believe. After the conference, I was thinking of my memories in church. 10 years, that has been a long journey. Many of my first times in Hope. Sweet memories and bitter ones, sad ones and happy ones, unforgettable ones. When I learnt how to crawl, to walk and to run. A place where I grow from a awkward schoolgirl to a lady. Transforming, I like that word. It was used by the worship leader on the first day of the conference. God wants to transform us. So many times I felt so small.

I remember myself crying at the floor of TPY mrt becos I din wanna go to church alone. How childish but that was me, Joyce and JT must have been shocked haha. I remember telling Meiyan that I din wanna lead the worship 10 minutes before CG started as I felt far away from God. I remember crying in front of June at the bball court in PGP becos my sheep was not responsive. I remember crying tog with June at the back of the auditorium during praise over an issue we both know. I remember writing a script word by word when I hosted for an event for the first time. I remembered the first time I asked someone if she wanted to receive Christ and got a shock when she said yes becos I had never led the sinner's prayer before. I had to ask her to wait, go out and asked Meiyan how to do it. I remember how scared I felt when I led discussion for the first time in CG. I remember that I stayed in the hostel room and blasted loud music when a person I was sowing on blocked me on msn, how qiaoping and weizhu came to encourage me. I remember the first time I raised my hand to want to be a CL. I remember my first retreat with Trac and Jason in Austin Hills, how we planned till late into the nite. There are just so many ... never ending, never forgotten. Sometimes I wish it starts all over again.

Me with my short hair, big T-shirt and fav bermudas. Just me. A girl who will do something as silly as cutting her fringe short because of a show. A girl who cried at the hairdresser in PGP because she thinks her hair looks ugly and the person did not charge her a cent. A girl who cooks egges and bread for breakfast, lunch and dinner. A girl who waits in the kitchen pretending to be doing something cause she is just so lonely in the small room. A girl who sleeps at the bench in front of the lecture hall for a few hours because she is so tired. A girl who got the verse Eph 4:29 from others more times than she can remember. A girl who liked to ask, "Why?" in a challenging tone. A girl who often argued with guys.

I kinda miss that girl. Maybe it's just one of those days...

Seeing things

When you know that you have only a few months left to live, the world suddenly changes. Everything takes on a new meaning...things which did not matter in the past is in an instant magnified and everything leaves you thinking, rethinking and think again. It's almost as if one is holding on desperately to whatever is left till the very last second it is. Afterall, what else can be more precious than life itself?

There is a story of a girl who was dying. She was granted the wish of going back to the happiest day of her life and live through it again. At the last 60 seconds, she felt that it has gone too fast. The look that her mother gave her was not long enough, the time just went by too quickly. At that moment, she realised she has not lived her life to savour the important moments but had just allowed them to pass by her.

Maybe sometimes one sees things more clearly in a different circumstance, like what Fiona said to Shrek, "You have 3 lovely children, a wife who loves you and friends who adore you but why is it that the only person who can't see that is you?"

Our barrier can sometimes be ourselves.

Bai Quan Nu Wang

I have been catching the show bai4 quan2 nu3 wang2 on TV and I find myself enjoying it very much :) Certainly not a fan of Taiwan idol as I find them unrealistic and cheesy at times, this show seems to be different. haha, prob cos I like the male lead, I think he has a look very pleasing to the eyes. There is just something about him, perhaps the eyes or the smile I am not sure. The X-factor.

In one of the episodes, a priest told the story of the rose which I find very touching. He shares the story of a boy who likes roses very much. One day, he plucked one of the roses from the bushes and was being told that it will soon wither and die. Being sad as he likes the rose, he regretted it and tried to replant it back. However, it was too late and the rose soon withers and died. He turns out to be the very boy himself and at that point of his sharing, took out the dried-up rose and pass it to the guy in the show. I think it's a beautiful illustration :)

The significant thing about the two characters is that they have an 8 year gap. A scene I like in the show is when he set up for her to go on a trip on her own while he followed secretly after her. He wanted to help her overcome a personal barrier of facing the obstacles in her life. After that, when they met up, she drew an invisible line on the sand and said to him, "This line represents our 8 years difference in age. Look carefully, right now I am going to step past this line."

Nice show :)

Breathe

It's been a long day....I need to breathe

The day is just so packed with many activities, one after another after another, sometimes a few at the same time. It's suffocating. Thank God for the client yesterday...our last session. Seeing how she has bloomed and overcome her issues, a feeling of warmth came into my heart. "you have inspired me with your strength" what I said to her and felt in my heart. Somehow I know that she is ready. Come what may, she will be ready to handle. If it's meant to be, may our paths cross again sometime later, out of the counseling room. God, can you rest in me so that I may experience of your peace in the midst of this whirlwind of activities threatening to subsume me.

Not my will but yours be done. This is the prayer of my heart. The human will is insufficient. God's will encompasses Everything. I want to be ready to face the world too. No, not until I have met You...

One step at a time

Many things in life comes when it's unexpected and while it does shake me a bit, it's not a scary feeling because, to me, it's important to be honest with oneself at all times. To run away from fear doesn't mean the fear is gone. To escape from complicated situations doesn't take away the fact that life IS complex. It takes courage to be completely honest with oneself, others and before God. I am glad I can also have such courage but it doesn't always come easy. It takes a choice to be truthful becomes some things just can't be 100% certain. One step at a time :)  

一百分

Extract from Jay Chou's interview with the 93.3 DJ:


“...我不是什麼都給自己一百分。”

我覺得他的反應很有趣。一個非常有才華的人﹐但感覺上似乎對自己的缺點也很了解。不需要每件事都要做到滿分但卻一定要把他能做和想做的事做到最好。


完美不是全部﹐但是盡心盡力始終是最重要。


對我來說﹐有才華比沒有才華來的更有壓力。如果有才華﹐有能力卻不好好運用是對自己最大的遺憾。沒有很多才華卻很努力﹐成功的路是屬于這般人的。


至少我是這麼認為。

Happiness redefined

My supervisor said to me just now, "A lot of people think that happiness comes from reaching a certain goal. Once I earn a lot of money, once I get that masters... I will be happy. What happens to now till then?"

It's true, happiness can start from now. It doesn't have to be restricted by a timeline or goal. It's the process and not the results that matters as much. We can enjoy what we are doing now and learn from it, along the way. Each time I attend the class, to appreciate what I can learn from my classmates. Each time I do my assignment, to learn from it. Each time I counsel, to learn from the experience and be thankful that the client allows me into his/her life.

I want to do more with the kids in the Home, to know them better, to be more involved in their lives. I want to build them up. I want to do more with my life and whatever little giftings I have. I want to touch lives, I want to get re-connected to old friends, I want to connect with people I love, I want to explore the world, I want to expand my mind and heart.... happiness can be now :)

It's not about wishing for the moment, the moments will come by themselves...

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Thank God for the good grades for my assignments...This semester proves to be better than the other two...Finally I get a very good for my essay!

I wish for an AWE full day...

Somehow, staring at the many papers on the table and the many emails, deadlines, meetings, I just feel like arghh....yup, never-ending. How true is it that the world keeps moving when you are not around. They catch up on you almost as quietly but as surely. Prob that's how Trac feels as she is staring at the 4 classes of essays to mark now haha... I know how you feel :)

What I read yesterday, an awful day can be an AWE full day ... A matter of perspective :)

How I wish to be staring at the stars in the night sky at a farm in Australia now...

BRING ME THERE NOW!!!! :) and I will be the happiest person on earth

Working with children day 2

Today my trainer did a live interview of a classmate who volunteered to share about her childhood. For me, it was just sweet, how her brother meant so much to her since young and as I listened, I was touched :)

She shared a few significant moments which he has impacted her life. How he accompanied her to play with her new-found friends because she was scared, how he help her wear her uniform on her first day of P1, how he makes restaurant reservations on her behalf because she is afraid, how he initiate contact after a conflict and still sent her to the airport for her trip, how he sends her to the airport each time she travels overseas even when he had to wake up at 530am, how he replies all her smses to encourage her when she was feeling very sian at the BBQ, how he scolded her ex-boyfriend when he bullied her, how he was with her all the way through life's ups and downs. (Better than a boyfriend :P)

The concepts of bringing our self into the therapy and making it a priority to make the other person feel at ease. It just struck me how I have NOT been doing that. Rather, I often bring to the session an agenda of my own, instead of going at the client's pace or respecting his space. I need to make a more conscious effort to appreciate and respect the person sitting in front of me in the counseling room. To make the person feel comfortable, it does remind me of some people in my life who practise that as well. I was humbled.

Many emails....many many, opening my inbox kinda scares me a bit but thankfully I am smart, open the latest one with the same heading. Thanks gals for sharing life together, it means a lot to me. Counting down...4 more days till we meet. Love you :)

Working with children Day 1: I wish...

It feels good to go for a course today, away from work commitments :) I was quite amazed to see a few pple I know there...someone I used to work with before from MCYS and Hong Teck's wife.

The part of the course which touched me was when each of us came out to share about ourselves as a child and what we liked and disliked about our childhood. It's amazing to see how everyone, be it in their 50s, 40s, 30s or 20s all share common feelings when we imagine ourself as a child once again. Some common themes that came out were:

I wish my parents were more patient with me
I wish there was more physical affection
I wish they will do things with me which matters to me
I wish they explained to me why I was wrong before they scolded me
I wish they did not compare me to other children
I  wish they have praised me more often

Yes, people who has children and even grandchildren sharing vividly and vulnerably about their experiences as a child. Not that uncommon isn't it? To learn to work with children, we have to first search back to our childhood and learn from there. Let our younger self speak to us :)

Thank God for this girl who made my day. Somehow we had an easy time chatting with each other and I am thankful for her honesty and genuiness as she shared some personal things with me. After lunch before we began the second part of the lesson, she said to me, " I like you very much" and I was like "huh?" and she said again with a smile, "I don't know why but I like you very much." wow, to me, that was like...and I said (a bit embarassed), "yup, I like you too." Dunno why I find such words hard to get it out of my mouth while it's so easy for others. But..well, she is such a sweet girl :)

Manhood

Today was like an overdose of the sharing from the men in church (in a good way)...

Once used to be known as a feminist (though I refute that), I find myself becoming more appreciative and touched by sharings from men on how God changed their lives and shaped their thinking, moulding them to be who they can be in Christ. The thoughts which runs through their minds as they processed though their decision-making and the convictions which drives them to action.

The sharing by Ah Long on his decision to quit his job when he had not gotten a job and how God blessed him with more revenue and more time with his family...

The testimony from Pastor Jeff on how he intentionally discipled Sean to build deeper emotional connection with the brothers in Chile...

The sharing from James at WFL on how our Dmm is not ministry machines but rather ministers...

The quick follow-up of email updates by the instructor on the WFL class which has ended...

Lastly, the funny moment when Brother A introduced himself as , "the husband of so-and-so" which was quickly poked fun by another brother, "You mean that is your full-time job?"

Jokes aside, I think it was nice of him to identify himself as the husband when she was seated next to him :)

Thanks

Having a bad headache and feeling like my eyes can't open but I thank God that the heavy downpour only started the moment I stepped into my workplace.

Thanks

My secondary school best friend's wedding

Attended Yvonne's wedding tonight. She is one of my secondary school best friends, apart from Peiling (another best friend). Not sure why best friends somehow always come in 3 :P It was really good to see her family. Her mum still remembers me!! haha, prob cos I kept going to her house last time and it's nice to see her young sister grow up so much.

I almost couldn't recognise her, the last I saw her was when she was in Primary 3!!! My friends were saying that I have grown older that's why.haha...sama sama. Some of them said that they have not seen me in 10 years. Wow, that's like a long time. Everybody is doing different things in their lives now and it was just kinda like......well, hard to explain. Nostalgic? yet not so, perhaps like a bit of like in a dream.

It feels just like yesterday when we were fooling around in class, passing notes around, gossiping about the teachers, teasing one another. Everyone has changed and yet something about each of us seem to still remains...

A trip to ubin, kukup together? I wish I can...

I have been missing all the gatherings...

Raw Thoughts

To the woman of Proverbs 31, her fear of the Lord can be likened to that of the Jenga blocks. While the blocks are being taken out one by one, there will be this key block keeping everything together.

An acrostic poem

                               Proverbs 31: 10-12, 14, 27-31

             Who can find a viRtuous woman?

                                     For her wOrth is far above rubies.

The heart of her husband safely trust her,

                so that he shall haVe no lack of gain

             She does him good and not Evil all the days of her life.

           She is like the meRchants' ships

                                                She Brings her food from afar.

                                      She watcheS over the ways of her household

                                   And does not eat The bread of idleness

     Her children rise up and call Her blessed

Her husband also, and he praIses her

                                     "Many daughteRs have done well,
but you excel them all"

               Charm is deceiTful

                                 And beautY is passing

                                   But a woman whO fears the Lord,
she shall be praised

Give her of the fruit of her haNds

                     And let her own works praisE her in the gates

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Faithfulness is fulfilling God's purpose in the face of feelings - Ben Wikner

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After listening to the online sermons, I realised that the speaker often begins by sharing an experience close to his heart before bringing out a point. A life and death moment , a low period in life, a heart issue they struggle with. The common thread that seems to run through each sermon despite the different personality and approach of presentation. It makes me understand that before something can get through to our head, it has to get into our hearts first.

Before a conviction is being birthed, it needs to go through a reconstruction of the heart first. It may be painful but it's certainly necessary. It's amazing how we do not usually remember our thoughts so clearly and some even fleeting, especially when we do not pen them down as they come. They will just go with the wind as fast as they came. It's ever so often to lost our train of thoughts or to let it run wild till we do not know where we began with. But certainly, we never forget how we feel. Be it 2 years, 5 years or 10 years, we remember clearly the feelings of disappointment, discouragement, grief, sadness etc. And even the words or deeds done to make us feel that way at that particular moment.

One does not need to take too long for it to resurface in our memory. I think what makes the difference is to learn something out of the experience, instead of suppressing it or distracting ourselves from it. This is probably how we get all the inspiring quotes from people which often sets us in our seats, amazed at the acuteness of the truth spoken/written. Before it's first-hand information :P

God is FAITHful

A brother asked me yesterday whether he was being too nice to someone else and I told him, "There is no such thing as 'too nice'. If you are nice, you are nice" There is this thing about the human nature that tends to calculate almost everything we do, even the love we show to others and the good works we do. I myself is no exception when it comes to this, especially at times when I feel that I am giving more than others. The bible says that love knows no bound and that is the kind of love that as christians, we aspire to have. But when we get hurt and are taken advantage of, which fervent and fired-up christian can easily live up to such a "love"? It's tough, it's humbling and it takes a lot of grace. The grace to forgive (to love even after we have been trampled upon, wounded and humiliated), not considering if we are loving 'too much' or are being 'too nice'.

To err is human,
To forgive divine

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During yesterday's Subd, this statement struck a chord in my heart:

"It's not about the amount of faith we have in God, but it is how much we believe God is faithful that enables us to believe". When we focus on the amount of faith we possess, we look to ourselves and often, our hearts cannot be trusted. It's ever so easily wavered by the toss and turn of events, our past experiences, our personality etc. However, when we start to focus on God's faithfulness instead, we are led to a level of faith beyond ourselves. God's faithfulness never changes with our mood, our wealth of experiences, world events...anything. He is the same yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever more.

Because of His consistency, we can rest in His promises.
Because of His everlasting love, we do not have to live in fear.
Because of His presence, we can have courage to face the world.
Because of His death on the cross, we can have eternal life.

It is finished.

Our role is just to have this simple little thing call faith in our mighty, faithful God.

The Sweet things in life

The sweetest wine I have tasted in a long, long time...

The Wine Company (Indoor)

Outdoor

We saw this verse on the menu and I find it quite interesting cos it was not there previously... whether in context or not, it was nice to see a verse from the bible, makes me wonder if the owner is a christian. Nice place, good ambience, good wine, great company. It was an enjoyable night :)

"Stop drinking only water, and use a little wine because of your stomach and your frequent illnesses."
(1 Timothy 5:23)

The feeling of waiting to be left behind

It's a horrible feeling waiting to be left behind, especially when it's people you feel closest to. People who used to share similar dreams, similar heartbeat and same experiences. Not sure what has happened to the "I know what you mean" moments nor the look in the eyes that tells me I am understood. Now it's more like an update, an acknowledgement. It has become, "I may not understand fully but..." and "let's catch up soon" Words, though unfamiliar but I have gotten used to but doesn't mean it doesn't prick. Perhaps it's my unrealistic expectations, or that I have chosen to be stuck where I am when all others have found their paths and are moving on. Maybe it was just an illusion, an illusion that good things will remain forever. Growing old together sounds like a distant dream and honesty just opens up the wound. It's just a matter of time but I am not willing to let go. I refuse to let go, because it matters too much. It's almost like letting go a part of yourself. But if it has to happen, it's beyond my control and the thought of it leaves me almost helpless. Then it's probably better to learn to accept and relinquish any control.   

Just a stranger who happens to be there

Though I have finished my assignment for the semester, the feeling's not a happy one but rather I am feeling down cos of my client who called to cancel the session and to close it as well as today's session. Some other things weighing me down as well... somehow, I cannot understand why I am working so hard when some people doesn't seem to care as much. Makes me feel like an idiot sometimes. Me going on and on and even get tired by what I say but in the end, it's probably pointless. The session with the couple whom I put in my heart to work with just decided to give up and today, the client who told me, "To be honest, I feel like I was telling a stranger about my story." Ouch, it hurts. I cannot cry, as much as I felt hurt. Thanking me for my time and saying that I am patient doesn't make me feel any better. After all, I am just a stranger who happened to be there. Maybe it's a waste of time for her, maybe it's a waste of time for me. I don't know.

At the end of the day, I should have just begin and end with silence. At least it won't feel like I have gone one big round and come back to square one. At least it won't feel like I have poured out my heart and it went down the drains. At least there wouldn't be any expectations to begin with nor disappointments to end with.

Days like this just brings you down and I can't believe it's just Tuesday. 3 more days to go...

Bridges

Words of wisdom from Eugene:

There are many bridges in your life. Some are meant to be burnt while some are meant for you to cross, as God intended. You have to know which are the ones to burn and which to cross. When you decide to burn a bridge, burn it and make it clear cut. When it's meant for you to cross, go forward and do not look back.

It's certainly clearer once again.

Not a sprint but a marathon

When Hong Teck shared that life is not a sprint but a marathon, I couldn't agree more. What's the point of rushing through everything and living life in transitions but never savouring the process? What's the point of running so fast and holding on to it all when I know that by doing so, I cannot get my act together? But just running on auto pilot, just running on depleting fuel.

Not that I am dying here or that I feel sian about what I am doing. No, I am enjoying it, things are picking up and appearing to be on track but I am sick of the sprint, almost burnout, recuperate and sprint again way of doing things. Nothing near what I want nor what I believe is what God intended. What we do should be a means to an end rather than an end in itself. If not, how myopic we all will be. Any little problem or obstacle will bring us down completely. However, if I see the big picture and where all this will be leading to, I can move on.

I can fall down and pick myself up again. I can stop for a rest and then start running again when I feel better. I can stop and smell the roses. I can be fully present in what I am doing. I can appreciate things which crop up along the way which are not according to plan and troubleshoot when there is an unexpected situation.

Because it is more than THIS.

Age matters

Today a coursemate asked me, "Jasmine, how old are you? 25 years old?" Immediately, I said, "No la, I wish I am that young" and she asked if I am 28 and I said yes. Well, I guess I mean around there.

I find myself wanting to look older than I actually am, ever since I began on this course. It's like, I get more recognised in my profession as I get older. At least I realised this is slowly seeping in me, the need to pull off as someone older. While I believe that maturity is not about age alone but I do have to admit that it helps to be of a certain age as people still equates age with knowledge, experience and wisdom.

So, while every other women is desperately wanting to be seen as younger than they are, here I am wanting to look older. Sometimes, it really gets to me when people like my boss says, " you are still young" or comment on someone who is around my age or younger than me, saying that he/she has not seen enough in life. Perhaps it's my insecurity speaking but age definitely holds some weight in forming first impressions with others.
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I really appreciate advice given by a senior at TFSC...I was sharing with her my struggles on clocking my hours due to the demands at work. With many pple leaving once again and the need to orientate new staff, I am basically doing a few people's job once agn including my colleague who was on MC for 8 days... I felt like I was an octopus.

She shared with me that it is impt not to have the feeling of being TRAPPED, that I dun have to think that I am bonded and that's it. It will just cripple me. She shared that I can think of other options such as borrowing money to pay off the sch fees, asking for promotion before I leave since I m so indispensable now. Whether or not I break my bond, at least I know that I have another way out. I think what she says makes a lot of sense. We do have a choice in everything we do and even in controlling how we feel. I cannot allow the feeling of being trapped to take away my joy.

Time with my best friend

Chicago musical - not mind-blowing but definitely entertaining with some really funny parts :P The singing was good and dancing too, just that the costumes and stage props abit plain...well, the hot fav of the night has to be Amos aka 'Mr. Cellophane". When he ended his piece, the audience screamed, whistled and clap loudly haha, he's not that unnoticeable after all. I told Trac that people always like the underdog, which she agreed. There was the Velma and Roxy peice that they are their own best friend. It's kind of sad, def not what I believe in. I did have my best friend there with me :) Overall, worth the money for me :)

After the muscial, I picked up a bookmark which says, "You taught me language and my profit is I know how to curse" from The Tempest. It kinda captured my attention. Isn't it true that some things are neutral in itself but its how its being used and the purpose of it that makes it constructive or destructive.

Something to think further about :)

Action is louder than words

When we do something wrong, we usually come up with the "But I" so that it will not appear half as bad and we won't feel that bad about ourselves. I myself have done that many times in my life. To my family members, friends, boss, colleagues etc. Does the truth hurt so much that it is hard to face it? I realised it does actually, at least for me. It's like, I can't believe I actually failed...how can I make that mistake at work?" I realised also that not dealing with it doesn't make it any better but rather makes it worse. What goes round comes round. The sorries may suffice for the moment but what comes after speaks a lot more. I for one, am someone who believes that actions speaks a lot louder than words.

Luke 3:8

"Produce fruit in keeping with repentance..."
 
2 Corinthians 7: 8-13
"Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while— yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter. So even though I wrote to you, it was not on account of the one who did the wrong or of the injured party, but rather that before God you could see for yourselves how devoted to us you are. By all this we are encouraged. "


Yesterday I had supervision at TFSC and I was sharing with my supervisor my work demands and all. We got into an interesting conversation about being "the voice in the desert" as he encouraged me to be. I told him that I cannot becos I am but a small fry and he inspired me with his own examples and how, right now he is still battling with NCSS for his organisation and staff's welfare. After his help with writing to the university on my behalf, there is finally some light at the end of the tunnel. My boss has relented and this is her email to me today:

"I've agree on supporting you your placement hours, 2 times a week; every Monday afternoon and Thursday afternoon. You are not required to make up for these hours. However, should you need more of these hours, you are required to apply for leave. Hence, I would need you to give me the extra hours taken for the month of May.
I will forgo the extra hours take for the previous months. I need this information by the end of the day.  Please understand that your presence in the Home is required for you to keep up with the work demands. Thank you for understanding.

I can only say that the wall has cracked and it helps that I have indeed been trying to keep up with the work demands of the Home, hopefully not just from her :P After two mistakes highlighted by her previously and one short of a warning letter, my self-esteem is resumed. I thank God that there has not been any mistakes since and things are picking up once again.

5 more months, maybe I can really do it after all :)

Reckless Abandonment 2

A short sms conversation with a friend this morning. Sets me thinking about life and the choices people make...

Him: ... looking forward to my trip!

Me: What trip is that?

Him: Backpacking trip to a few countries, Japan, China, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Thailand and Malaysia.
Do you backpack?

Me: wow, thats real cool. I am sure you will be very much enriched. I have not done it before but it sounds good to me

Him: Yupz. Hope so, And to learn more about myself too..I've never done this either. does quitting w/o securing a job to travel still sounds good to you?

Me: If there is proper planning, I dun see any prob w it. What you gained may be more, life is too short to worry too much

Him: Thanks. That makes a lot of sense to me. I worry too much. While most ppl were supportive of my plan, some planted doubts and some incited fear.

Me: Follow your dreams :) This may be the most memorable period in your life who knows

Sometimes I wish I have such courage too and such opportunities to throw everything aside and do all I wanna do. Perhaps this is what reckless abandonment is about?

I am still searching.

Keep Going!

Just finished my transcript...

Life is too short to keep worrying. Just keep going!!!

5 more months and it's done. Hurray :)

Enough for now

As I looked at the woman sitting in front of me who is in great distress and finding it very difficult to manage her two young kids of which one has threatened to hit her and locked her out of the house a number of times, I suddenly feel that what I am going through is nothing compared to this. At least I am sitting in the comfort of an air-conditioned office, with colleagues I can rant to, friends I can share my thoughts and feelings with, family I can return back to and not feel stressed and flexibility to do my own things.

Life can be beautiful... even when nothing has changed one bit.

While all things remain, the person within us keeps changing. The different lens show different scenes and brings different feelings.

I thank God for my supervisor who tried to ease my burden and supported me and my colleagues who are understanding of my situation and for God for being there ALL the time even when I am not conscious of His presence.

For now, that is enough. I have no other expectations.

寶貴十架

(Sleep & Slacking)

(Sleep and Slacking) is the best gift from God.

This is the best Saturday ever :) Nothing on, just enjoying God's gift...

Looking forward to:

Service tmr
Iron man 2 with CG
Chicago musical with Trac (both the musical and time with her)
Catch-up with Daisy

Upcoming: Yvonne's wedding...