A Thanksgiving Post

Isn't it so true that we often take for granted those who are just beside us, loving us in their quiet and understated ways?

Today I want to dedicate a post to thank my husband for his loving actions and support to me this stressful period. I thank him for learning how to cook for us by tirelessly flipping through the cook book, hoping to find some inspiration, cleaning up the dishes, budgeting for us, coming up with the menu every week, jotting down the details of each receipts, washing the laundry, printing out my notes, discussing with me about my readings, providing insights to me on what the readings mean, sending me to school, fetching me to school, attending a boring lecture to accompany me, researching everything else for our day to day living (internet plans, electricity and water plans, printer to buy etc) ...

Thank you my dear and if I forget to let you know often enough...

I Love you :)

Good Tips for Life-work balance

[What to say to your boss]

PLEASE do not invite me to breakfast.

It’s not that I don’t like breakfast. To the contrary, I could happily eat eggs or cereal at every meal. But I write about life-work balance, and it feels a little contradictory to conduct an interview, or attend a conference, or give a speech, when everyone involved had to sacrifice sleep to attend.

I have similar qualms about working dinners. After a long day of work, why follow it up with more work?
. . .


There has been a shift in the role of these meetings-with-food over the years. In the 80′s, a 7 a.m. appointment was a sign that you were so important you had to start before dawn. We called them power breakfasts back then, and Masters of the Universe wanted to be seen at their regular table at dawn.
More recently, however, they’ve come to feel like yet another symptom of an overstuffed day.


(Extracted from Life at the Bar)

Some tips on how to have "life-work balance:

1. Plan intentionally. If you “go with the flow,” someone else will be determining the balance of your life. Instead, spend a few minutes every month deciding what commitments (business and personal commitments) are non-negotiable for you. Don’t forget to include time you spend on true recreation (Amen to that!). Mark those on your calendars, and then consider what else you’d like to add in.

2. Exercise your discretion. When you have an opportunity to attend a work gathering, whether it’s a working meeting or business socializing, at times outside the ordinary work day, consider carefully before accepting. What will you be saying “no” to if you say “yes” to this event? Is the event important? Is it urgent? Do you want to do it? There’s no single “right” answer here that means you should or shouldn’t attend. The questions will lead you to your decision without dictating it.

3. Limit yourself. You either have learned or will learn soon that energy is not infinite. Adding morning and evening business commitments to a packed schedule can constitute self-sabotage if done without attention to the effects on your energy level. One client I worked with decided to limit herself to 2 evening commitments each week and never to schedule a morning meeting before 9 AM on the day following an evening commitment. Although she reduced the number of hours she devoted to work in this way, she increased her productivity during working hours as a result.

This is cute or what?! =D

一百分

Extract from Jay Chou's interview with the 93.3 DJ:


“...我不是什麼都給自己一百分。”

我覺得他的反應很有趣。一個非常有才華的人﹐但感覺上似乎對自己的缺點也很了解。不需要每件事都要做到滿分但卻一定要把他能做和想做的事做到最好。


完美不是全部﹐但是盡心盡力始終是最重要。


對我來說﹐有才華比沒有才華來的更有壓力。如果有才華﹐有能力卻不好好運用是對自己最大的遺憾。沒有很多才華卻很努力﹐成功的路是屬于這般人的。


至少我是這麼認為。

God is FAITHful

A brother asked me yesterday whether he was being too nice to someone else and I told him, "There is no such thing as 'too nice'. If you are nice, you are nice" There is this thing about the human nature that tends to calculate almost everything we do, even the love we show to others and the good works we do. I myself is no exception when it comes to this, especially at times when I feel that I am giving more than others. The bible says that love knows no bound and that is the kind of love that as christians, we aspire to have. But when we get hurt and are taken advantage of, which fervent and fired-up christian can easily live up to such a "love"? It's tough, it's humbling and it takes a lot of grace. The grace to forgive (to love even after we have been trampled upon, wounded and humiliated), not considering if we are loving 'too much' or are being 'too nice'.

To err is human,
To forgive divine

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During yesterday's Subd, this statement struck a chord in my heart:

"It's not about the amount of faith we have in God, but it is how much we believe God is faithful that enables us to believe". When we focus on the amount of faith we possess, we look to ourselves and often, our hearts cannot be trusted. It's ever so easily wavered by the toss and turn of events, our past experiences, our personality etc. However, when we start to focus on God's faithfulness instead, we are led to a level of faith beyond ourselves. God's faithfulness never changes with our mood, our wealth of experiences, world events...anything. He is the same yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever more.

Because of His consistency, we can rest in His promises.
Because of His everlasting love, we do not have to live in fear.
Because of His presence, we can have courage to face the world.
Because of His death on the cross, we can have eternal life.

It is finished.

Our role is just to have this simple little thing call faith in our mighty, faithful God.

Age matters

Today a coursemate asked me, "Jasmine, how old are you? 25 years old?" Immediately, I said, "No la, I wish I am that young" and she asked if I am 28 and I said yes. Well, I guess I mean around there.

I find myself wanting to look older than I actually am, ever since I began on this course. It's like, I get more recognised in my profession as I get older. At least I realised this is slowly seeping in me, the need to pull off as someone older. While I believe that maturity is not about age alone but I do have to admit that it helps to be of a certain age as people still equates age with knowledge, experience and wisdom.

So, while every other women is desperately wanting to be seen as younger than they are, here I am wanting to look older. Sometimes, it really gets to me when people like my boss says, " you are still young" or comment on someone who is around my age or younger than me, saying that he/she has not seen enough in life. Perhaps it's my insecurity speaking but age definitely holds some weight in forming first impressions with others.
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I really appreciate advice given by a senior at TFSC...I was sharing with her my struggles on clocking my hours due to the demands at work. With many pple leaving once again and the need to orientate new staff, I am basically doing a few people's job once agn including my colleague who was on MC for 8 days... I felt like I was an octopus.

She shared with me that it is impt not to have the feeling of being TRAPPED, that I dun have to think that I am bonded and that's it. It will just cripple me. She shared that I can think of other options such as borrowing money to pay off the sch fees, asking for promotion before I leave since I m so indispensable now. Whether or not I break my bond, at least I know that I have another way out. I think what she says makes a lot of sense. We do have a choice in everything we do and even in controlling how we feel. I cannot allow the feeling of being trapped to take away my joy.

Reckless Abandonment 2

A short sms conversation with a friend this morning. Sets me thinking about life and the choices people make...

Him: ... looking forward to my trip!

Me: What trip is that?

Him: Backpacking trip to a few countries, Japan, China, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Thailand and Malaysia.
Do you backpack?

Me: wow, thats real cool. I am sure you will be very much enriched. I have not done it before but it sounds good to me

Him: Yupz. Hope so, And to learn more about myself too..I've never done this either. does quitting w/o securing a job to travel still sounds good to you?

Me: If there is proper planning, I dun see any prob w it. What you gained may be more, life is too short to worry too much

Him: Thanks. That makes a lot of sense to me. I worry too much. While most ppl were supportive of my plan, some planted doubts and some incited fear.

Me: Follow your dreams :) This may be the most memorable period in your life who knows

Sometimes I wish I have such courage too and such opportunities to throw everything aside and do all I wanna do. Perhaps this is what reckless abandonment is about?

I am still searching.

Live it out

It was a lovely wedding :)

Looking at the two of them, it just felt like a fairy tale ... The amazing thing for me is that they have been together for 9 years and still going strong. It was funny that in the car, there was a guy who said that he hopes to find someone who can go through 9 years with him too and immediately, he was shot with a reply, "You are so old already, you mean 9 months right?" lol.. I guess every relationship is different and cannot be compared but I have to admit that theirs is a really sweet one, in its totality :D Yup, lovely is the word.

It was certainly a good experience for me too. I realised that it is when you are with a group of people you don't really know, you can see yourself more clearly for who you are. To be away from the comfort and the familiarity you experience with friends and colleagues who know you for years and see you in your ups and downs and learning to step out and get yourself known and to know others enough to create enough synergy to work with them for the wedding in a short span of 2 weeks. Not an easy feat.

Standing in front of a congregation, I was surprisingly not nervous. Probably cos I dunno this people and they dun know me too. No risk of being made fun later on too :P At one point, the audience was really not responsive (cos they are quite old, the relatives of the bride and bridegroom) and I said in desperation, "Come'on, we are young people right?" And the reply was expressionless faces looking back at me. Wrong move oops. At one point, we forgot to ask the audience to sit down and the pastor was signalling frantically for us to give the call. It was quite funny too.

Something nice that came out of the wedding, a message from one of the helpers..." nice knowing you..I always looked up to ppl who work for passion and not for money..u must ve lotsa courage and mental strength to be in this line. .jiayou and hope u attain ur masters soon..."

Thank God for the nice encouragement at the end. It taught me that you leave with people who you really are or believe in, even when you may not be aware of it :)

Imperfection is not a sin

One man's meat may be another's poison. Enough said. No one sees things the exact way as another. In such case, how does one empathise with the other? I often wonder why my thoughts and what I want can be so utterly different from someone else when it appears to be so real for me. I guess that's the reason why some people spend their whole life searching for that so-call kindred spirit or soulmate. Well well...even so, there is no 100% agreement all the time. The 'aha moments', as quickly and frequent as they come, may eventually fade off into a standstill which comes with familiarity. Having said that, the opposite holds true when time and increased interaction causes 2 seemingly different people to see things from the other perspective better. Not perfectly but better. To put yourself into someone else's shoes is no easy task. Imagine wearing a shoe one size bigger than your feet the whole day or worse, one size smaller than your feet. It's almost unbearable, you feel the pain the whole time. This is probably why people look for customisation to suit what they like and want. I say, "One size fits all" is crap. There is no such thing. It's either slightly too big or too small. There is no perfection. It's a give and take situation. Period.

A failure is an opportunity to get better

I just received my NUS alumni card yesterday...


It's the passport for me to enter the NUS Library to get the books I need for doing my assignments. I can't believe that I have been so silly, borrowing the matric card from a sister for the whole of last year. It was inconvenient, not only for me but also for her haha. All the times she had to stay back to pass the card to me, when I could have just gotten an Alumni card. Yep. I guess that's the consequence of not using my brain when doing things. Well, at least it struck me now. Still one more year to go so not too late after all :)

Sometimes, we fail the first time so that we can learn from it & do better the next time.
Something I said to myself before last year. I wonder when is the next time I'll say this again :)

I am going for my orientation at Tampines FSC today. Something to look forward, it's will be the beginning to many beginnings. Somehow, my heart is not feeling as excited as it should be. It's feeling a bit heavy even. Maybe it's a seasonal thing and will pass as soon as it comes. I don't know. For now, I am just going with the waves. 

What's behind the curtain?

Do you sometimes think to yourself, "What's behind the curtain?"

Like Little Lucy in The Chronicles of Narnia, what lies behind the door of the wardrobe presents a world beyond her imagination. Don't we often experience the same kind of anticipation and anxiety as we stand there...a little hopeful, a little unsure, a little scared even. When was the first time we made a decision for ourselves which brings us to the next step in our lives? Our choice of schools to enter, the CCA we choose to join, our group of friends, the religion we have and it goes on.

The first time I chose to go to the secondary school I was in, it was simply because my brother is studying there so there was someone I knew. A simple decision without much thought which land me 4 years in the school. The decision to make social work my major in university. I wanted to do psychology but was not successful in balloting for any psychology modules for one year. When I filed an appeal, I was rejected. I went on to do social work as a career for the next 4 years preceding my tertiary education.

Standing here, yet in front of the curtain once again, I wonder to myself, "What is behind the curtain?" What is my best fit in the social work arena? Am I cut out to be a clinician. a trainer, management or what? What is my specialisation going to be? To work with children, youth. families, couples, elderly, the mentally ill, special needs or what? Another decision awaits me and it does not get easier. Is this a sign of moving on to adulthood?

13/01/10 (my journal)
I always believe that the growing up process is a bittersweet one. Bitter but yet sweet, sweet but yet bitter. I pity the person who does not know its taste. You feel you are you and yet, you are not you. It's a strange feeling which cannot be explained. Maybe it does not need any explanation at all. Like how the character in Avatar probably feels when he is in a dfferent skin. He is still him but yet, he is not him anymore. What he sees and feels becomes so different but yet, there is a part of him which remains. The essence of a person, when he is left with nothing at all, how do you recognise him? Some people call it "the feel". I can feel that it's him. It's something about the way he talks, it's his voice or something, which they quite often pinpoint, that helps them to recognise someone from a distance...

The September Issue

Musings from the show:

#1   What produces the passion in us can also make us "very angry". When that happens, it's time to STOP

#2   It's tough to follow others' instructions, it's tougher to be the one making all the decisions

#3   Compromise is necessary when it hinders you in making a living

#4   Only some people get to push others all the way and they just have to put up with it

#5   Your boss can never be your best friend even if you work with her for 20 years

#6   The way to success to to charge forward, there is no turning back

#7   You have to expect your ideas to get shot down no matter how good you think they are

#8   $50, 000 can go down the drain in a mere few seconds of quick decision-making

#9   The boss's final say is the most objective reality

#10 There is an imperfect person behind the camera for every "perfect" shot taken

Picking up the pieces

The growing up journey has not been an easy one but beautiful, likened to a cocoon breaking out of the wool to become a butterfly. Beautiful in all its imperfections and the picking up of the pieces, one by one. Each piece cuts to the soul but they made me stronger. "What does not kill me made me stronger" and 'I may be down but I am not out" - words that kept me going when everything else was pulling me into the pit. I was on my way to heal, with the greatest healer of all hurts. He is the only one who could close the wounds. The scars remains as a remembrance of God's works in my life and heart. He alone completes.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,"

declares the Lord.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts."

- Isaiah 55:8-9

"Who has understood the mind of the Lord, or instructed him as his counselor? Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him, and who taught him the right way? Who was it that taught him knowledge or showed him the path of understanding?" - Isaiah 40: 13-14

God has everything in His plan and He will put the pieces in their places according to His will.

The little girl in me

Humans are complex creatures and when we come together, things become even more complicated. When I was studying the characters in the literature texts in my JC and Uni days, I was often baffled by the underlying meanings behind the character's behaviors. It was simply too chim for me, someone who had not been through much in life. It was like swimming in deep waters. Total clarity was almost impossible haha. As I look back, I was like..."Ahh, now I get it. I know why they do what they do (not fully) but I am better able to understand, identify and appreciate the meanings behind their choices and actions. I am introduced into a world where things cannot be simplified to a mere set of equations. The more I think I know, the more I realised how little I know. But it's a good feeling. Its the feeling of awakening. The awakening of the little girl in me.

Sometimes things don't get through till we experienced enough to truly understand.

My first job experience

Was listening to the Christmas songs played on my colleague's radio and it brought back the memories of my first part-time job. I remembered my mum didn't want me to go and work as she wanted me to stay at home and help her to babysit the children. I was upset as I wanted freedom. I didn't want to stay at home for the holidays and I was adamant on it, so much so that I threatened to go for the 6-month poly orientation if I was not allowed to work. How wilful, as I looked back at myself. haha... I was only 16 years old. Migosh, that's like 10 years ago. Time flies.

First day of work, I was extremely excited, looking forward. Even the uniform was appealing to me. I was ready to work as a sales assistant at Liang court. The stockings, the black court shoes, the uniform. Little did I know that I would find it such a hassle as time passes, especially when I am running late for work and needed to get myself ready fast. It was the first time I put on make-up, the first time I wore stockings and I was just a little girl in an oversized uniform. It must have been a pitiful size.

I was optimistic though, at least in front of my mother before I go to work. I always appeared happy in front of her, the pride was at work. I did not want to admit to her that work was tough so she could not tell me, "See, I told you. Do you want to quit now?" I refused to cave in and hang on though there were days I felt my legs could break and the aircon was so strong but I was not able to wear a jacket. It was Christmas period and everyday they play the Xmas songs till I was sick of it. People asking me which colour suits them better, picking up the hangers, folding the clothes, that's my everyday routine. The time when I was happiest, aprat frm pay day, had to be when my friends came to visit me at my workplace. I still rem a friend saying that my uniform looked wierd haha...

I think what really killed my soul was when I missed the millenium. I was like, "The Millenium!!"I couldn't believe I had to work on the eve of the new year and Christmas as well. I guess my mother was shocked at my persistence (or stubborness) as well. I had, in an attempt to gain freedom, step into another cage. The happiest time had to be my pay day and in my free times, I will just take out the calculator to see how much I have earned ha. And all my money goes to my mum. But I was ok, I was happy I was able to earn the money to give her. I bought her a ring for the first time. Not sure if it's still ard though but I know she wore it.

I am thankful for that experience as I tasted what it was like to come out of my comfort zone. It may not be totally sweet but I left a different person.

The rightabout way

The RIGHTabout way

They say life is about responding the RIGHT way
Two wrongs do not make a right
Either one is at fault
We all know that, don't we?
Life is 90% of what happens to you and 10% of how you respond to it

BUT...

What if doing the RIGHT thing still makes you wrong
What if having the RIGHT response still leads to 100% shit
What if the wronged is right and the right is wrong

The circle gets bigger but I am still not going anywhere...