The Rain and the Sun

As the rain pours mercilessly, Yoki glance out of her bedroom window and wonders to herself, "Does the rain fall in droplets or needles?" Against the faint florescent light from the distant lampost, it almost looks like there are many little needles falling to the hard, cemented ground. There is something magical about it and it always seem to have this calming effect on her. She reaches out of the window. As the rain drops continuously on her hand, she feels as though they are seeping through her skin and she has become part of it. Just like her name Yoki, which means rain. 

As she stares dreamily at the falling needles, the memory of this morning comes to her mind. She was waiting at the pavilion for the rain to stop and just like now, she was also staring into the rain, mesmerised by it. At that moment, there was a male voice behind her asking, "Excuse me, do you happen to have tissue paper?" As she turned around, there was this guy who looks like he is in his mid-twenties, totally drenched in this yellow shirt with a sun printed on it. She thought he was quite a pathetic sight but on a closer look, there is this boyish charm about him as he flashed a big smile. He does not fit into the scene, a total contrast to the picture of gray in his background. She finds herself smiling back at him unwittingly.

"Sure, here you go", she carefully put down her camera and took out the tissue pack from the outer compartment of her backpack.

"Thanks, I am Haul...you are?" He reaches out his hand to her for a handshake. There was an easy manner about him as he introduced himself.

She answered, "Yoki, my name is Yoki."

He gave her a thoughtful look and then broke into a smile again, "Yoki, what does it mean?"

She replied, "It means rain".

This time he was nodding away and there was a faraway look on his face as he repeated softly after her, "Rain...that's a ...very nice name."

A glimpse into the future :)

A glimpse into what is to come. Yes Tracy, it's happening!!!

Tracy becomes a 17 year-old when she is excited. I love you Tracy :)

This year Korea, next year Taiwan whoo hoo ~

lovely scenery ...

5 Marriages (read carefully)

"Bill was once at a party where there was an older couple who seemed to really enjoy each other and have a lively relationship. They had been married over 50 years. Bill got a chance to talk to the woman alone and told her that he was a therapist, studying how people make their marriages last. He had noticed how lively and positive her marriage seemed to be and he wondered what their secret was.

She answered, "I was married to five different men!" Bill was shocked. He said, "Do you mean that you had four other husbands before you found this one?" She said, "No. It just seemed like I did. When I married him, he was a lively, handsome, trim young man with idealistic dreams. Then he changed into a man focused intensely on work and making a living. He was like a different man. I did not love that new man at first but I learned to love him. Just when it seemed I'd gotten used to this one, he changed again. He went through what's called today a 'mid-life crisis', only we didn't know about those in those days. He became disinterested in work, dissatisfied and disillusioned about being the breadwinner and all of that, and I had to learn to love him all over again in that stage. Then he came out of that and settled into his older years. Now he has a wisdom and depth I really appreciate, but look over there. [She pointed to her husband.] That doesn't look like the man I married-this one has saggy skin and a bit of pot belly- but I have learnt to love that man in that saggy body too."

Her story inspires us and we have used it to inspire our couples. Love has a quality of being a choice and choosing to learn to love a person as he or she changes seems to be part of making a long-term marriage lively and caring."

(From Rewriting Love Stories: Brief Marital Therapy)

He loves me THIS I KNOW

mrbrown:
Some of you may know that recently my wife had a miscarriage and we lost what was to be our fourth child. well, erm, I was looking forward to telling stories and singing songs to the baby but I guess that will have to wait so I wrote this song for my wife Ginny and our baby:


Jesus loves me this I know
For the bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong

Jesus loves me this I know
For the bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong

By His hand I know the maker
By His grace I know the saviour
By His love I know the father
By His word I know

Jesus loves me He who died
Heaven's gate to open wide
He will wash away my sin
Let this little child come in

By His hand I know the maker
By His grace I know the saviour
By His love I know the father
By His word I know

Yes Jesus loves me
Yes Jesus loves me
Yes Jesus loves me
The bible tells me so...oh...whoa..oh...
He loves me this I know...whoa..oh...
He loves me this I know...whoa..oh...
He loves me this I know..whoa...whoa...

By His hand I know the maker
By His grace I know the saviour
By His love I know the father
By His word I know

By Your hand I know the maker
By Your grace I know the saviour
By Your love I know the father
By Your blood I know

The Journey

                                    

Motto: Destress and Relax

I realised that when I am not making an effort to think about things, I can actually think better. The stress hormones does not interfere and block out the creative thoughts and the feeling's definitely lighter. I used to see myself as a thinker but now I found out that I am actually a worrier. Therefore, I am really a feeler cos worry is a feeling. This month's motto is going to be destress and relax. I wrote down a list of things which helps me to relax and destress:

- watching drama/ movie
- exercising
- positive thoughts
- enough sleep
- keeping my stuff neat & organised
- do not be late so i dun need to rush
- massage
- music
- shopping
- new calendar
- playing guitar
- therapeutic oil/ scent
...

Looking at the limited free slots left, I wonder how much of these I can actually do but heck, when I am free, I can do any of it. When the headache comes, I am just going to drop it and relax. Sounds like a good plan :)

A few things to thank God for today:
(1) Sms from ZY throughout the day asking how I am, thanks :)
(2) Prayer by a boy during rainbows class
(3) Sms from a long-time friend to catch-up
(4) Dinner at home
(5) Boss took me out of emcee role
(6) Finally repaired my shoes
(7) Watched an episode of the drama I just bought

Things will get better! Come on!

My kind of balloon

I wish to be high up in the sky in a hotair balloon, overlooking the beautiful scenery and go higher and higher...everything getting smaller and smaller ...  I didn't know there are such interesting hotair balloons :)

Buried but not forgotten

Tracy:

"People cry because of many reasons, but I believe it could be something so beautiful it touches them or that they are reminded of the past that still hurts, or someone or it could even be a cry of the heart :) a friend shared to me recently about suddenly crying  when talking about the cg in a small group. even her husband could not understand why she cried and asked her why when they reached home. I believe that things that trigger can be so deep that even someone so close to us do not understand why..."

What happens when you are too tired to cry?

What happens when your headache remains perpetually?

What happens when you can't seem to bring a genuine smile to your face?

What happens when you keep waking up with a jolt as though u never slept?

What happens when life seems to go through a motion and you dun feel much?

What happens when you are counseling a client with depression and she looks happier than you?

Perhaps that is what brought (her) to cry suddenly in an unexpected setting...

Tracy, my cactus is 6cm taller and my colleague wanst to buy the same cactus :) :)

Keep going

"Nothing's impossible I have found,

For when my chin is on the ground,

I pick myself up,

Dust myself off,

Start all over again."

Coming to an end or a new beginning?

10 hours of lesson. 12 pages of notes. 1 tired me.
And this is just the beginning. 

Today everyone seems to be recollecting the past. Nostalgia. It has come to the time of the year when things are soon coming to a close. We are preparing ourselves for the end to come. It's a mixed feeling. Though I will feel free when it's over, I know I will miss the feeling of learning together.

Today a coursemate said to me, "you are a free spirit" I went to check it out.
*Free spirit - a person who lives according to his or her own wishes and beliefs, unconstrained by society's conventions; nonconformist
 
Really? I can't be sure :)

Blessing in disguise

Someone said to me that she hopes it will be a blessing in disguise. I ask myself what this 3 words mean. An unexpected nice surprise in a seemingly shitty situation? Perhaps so... I experience that first -hand at work today. Work has been : shitty. One word sums it all. I am not someone well-versed in office politics.But that's not a crime I believe. On whether it's a weakness, perhaps I'll receive a resounding yes from many, many... So loud that it has been drowning out everything else in my mind.  

God sure knows how to bring a smile to my heart :) Yes, even on Friday 13th, the supposedly horrid day where nasty news struck one after another. I was tempted to say, "That's life, Jiayan" in a slightly resigned tone. Afterall, haven I been struggling with the issue of discontentment? As I was having such defeating thoughts in the toilet, my colleague suddenly called me on my hp. "Jasmine, come to the office now. We are having the lucky draw and you are one of the selected 6" After one look in the mirror, I went to join them. All excited and smiley faces standing in a circle with a blue bag in the centre. I must have looked odd with my sian face. My colleagues said to me, "Come, you go first? The paper with the word H is the winner." I gave a skeptical look and reach into the bag. What came out was a small white paper with a large H and two hearts. Yup, I was the winner. Again. A smile came to my face. God, thank you for the blessing in disguise.

One nite weekend hotel stay with 2 breakfast buffet which I wanted to give my mum. It happened becos God made it happened :)

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KEEP GOING!!!

Every Season

The CAREbear car

This carebear car reminds me of the CG :)

It was a blessing to see it ...

Contentment - The state of being

The heart is ever wandering and we often feel that we are constantly one step to fulfilment. That's the sign of discontentment. "If you have a relationship with God now and you do not feel fulfilled, you will never be happy/fulfilled". Words that cut to the heart. I believe that all who have a relationship with God will find themselves at some times, feeling discontented cos that's how the human heart is wired.

Empty and required to be constantly filled. To have fulfilment, we need to first know what it is. Is it a feeling that comes and go and quickly as it came? Or is it resting in the belief that all our needs are met, we dun need more than this. The empty stomach that was fed, the lonely heart that is loved, a troubling mind that finds clarity. Something that brings a sigh to the human soul. The sigh of contentment, that this is how Life is to be lived. However, more often than not, what comes out is a sigh of displeasure/ discontentment.

Contentment = happiness. I have heard this time and again from people who have seen their lot in life. Sounds like a stage to be reached but I say it's a way of life, a state of being.

I am still searching.

Clarence & Junting's wedding

From the exhortation:

Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects from her husband. After marriage, she suspects her husband. After he passes away, she respects her husband.

Really?

I am really happy for Junting and Clarence. 16 years of knowing Junting, I really thank God for her in my life. Without her, I will not be in Hope. Without her, I will not have grown in where I am cos she went the extra mile to pull me back when I wanted to leave church. Indeed, as Michael says, she is really kind, gentle and understanding...and even more than that.

All I can say is... Clarence really zhuan dao. He better cherish her!

Glee

I was catching the episode of Glee just now and this scene kind of stick in me...

There was a guy in a wheelchair who likes this girl in the singing club he also joins. She is someone who stutters. In this scene, after a date, she said to him, "There is something I want to tell you. Actually I don't stutter, I have been faking it since grade 6 when I was trying to avoid giving a speech. I was really shy...I was trying to reject others due to that, I am sure you understd because you also..." He looked shocked and replied, "I don't reject others. Sorry I dun think we can be together because I thought that we had something very special in common but now I have to accept that you do not stutter and I am stuck in this wheelchair for the rest of my life!" He went off angrily.

(The quotes are not exact but from my memory)

It's sad when sometimes we think we know what is going on and we are willing to accept the weakness of the other, that we forget the other person has a choice to make as well. By not being completely honest, it leads to an illusion which separates two pple sharing a different view of where the relationship is at.

Food for thought.

A gift from Tracy

My cactus' name is "And God made it grow"

I suddenly wish that my cactus will flower. It'll be so beautiful I believe. Though its a strong plant that doesn't require much care, I believe that it is growing under Your care. That You are the one who makes it grow. Its outer appearance so simple and common and even boring but yet, it's so resilient but yet, left too long on its own, it will go into dormancy. I guess sometimes we just forget that even though it d.n require a lot of care, that it is still there. I love my cactus and I look at it every morning when I come to work.

It's the first thing that comes to my mind and sight when I reach my desk. Tracy ask me if I measure it everyday cos I'll periodically report to her of its growth but actually i dun. I just do a couple of times everyday and a couple of times every few hours when I feel like it :P Sometimes I feel it will grow in a few hours' time. And I am so proud that it has grown 4cm! New buds coming from below today.

God, can you give me a cactus flower? :)

(I think August is a month of gifts, every entry seem to be about gifts haha. Lovely)

The 8th Lap

The 8th lap is HERE! 2 more to go!!! Keep going!

29/07/10

There are so many things to do. The 8th lap coming up very soon. Indeed, how fast time flies, it waits for no one. I remember not long ago it was just the 3rd lap, the one I was struggling with and now comes the 8th lap. 8, 9, 10 and I am done. Easier said than done. The experience of it'll probably feel like 3 years. Sometimes I wonder if I age 3 years faster along with the many commitments but I thank God He is always there to save. Never late but always on time. He uplifts my soul each time it is difficult to continue just like this morning which began with crap but during the meeting He refreshed me again, I leaned on His strength literally. Reminds me of the song: I'm held by your love, upheld by your strength. I imagine myself being carried by eagle's wings and the song 'what a wonderful world' suddenly make sense. It may not be the bestest thing that happened but it was one which reminded me I was nothing without God. Yup, nothing. The blues and the greens. It's amazing how this two colours bring such comfort to the eyes. Almost like perfect. The perfect combination. The lush greenery and the clear blue sky. Peace in the heart...

God's Love
God's love is like warm water on a cold day
and the warm air rising to your face
reminding you that He is always there
and He will meet your needs when it is most needed

God's love is like going downslope when you are cycling
and the light breeze that blows in your face
reminding you that He not only lightens your load
He also adds in a dose of fun

God's love is like the smile on a child's face
and the light that shines in his eyes
reminding you that He may not take away your problem
But He is the provider of joy

God's love is like the beating of your heart
and the breath you take in
reminding you that He has given you life
and He has a great purpose for you 

I need You more

More than the air I breathe
More than the song I sing
More than anything and Lord as time goes by
I'll be by Your side
Cause I never want to go back to my old life

The best gift

I asked June, "What is the best gift you have received so far?"

She answered, "The flowers, they are my favourites and bring a smile to me :)"

The gift that comes from the heart always touches another heart.