The beginning of beginnings

Dear Jasmine,

Congratulations. You have been accepted to do your placement at Tampines FSC.

My colleague Connie will be contacting you shortly about your schedule.

Regards.
Joachim Lee (Mr)
Director
Tampines Family Service Centre
-------------------------------------------------------
From my boss:

Congratulations Jasmine. I wish you a great learning experience. I feel excited for you as you grow at the personal level and at the professional level.

Gerardine

2010, here I come. New place, new experience, new challenges :)

It's just the beginning...

Over the mountains and the sea

Esther checking out the costs to take the cab....Lennon: Can we go now??

Pris counting the money...got enough or not..

Chris was chatting with the cab driver :) Found out he got 2 kids, great social skills

Waiting for the food to come...so hungry........

Screensaver mode :P

Check out the girl next to shu, her drinks are spilling over..oopss..

Recovered from his sickness, rearing to go :)

Can I take my pictures now people??

Thanks for the lovely gift :)

Me and Liang Zhi Qiang director :P

The 2 guys of my group, where are the other two??

FREE ME!!

Thank God for the lovely weather, neither raining nor too sunny :)

Thinking mode :)

Shu and Len back from their jet-skying...

The sky is mine!!

The batam trip did not begin too well as I was being "fined" for not renewing my passport. I guess I was suffering the consequences of my behavior or rather, the lack of it. I think the guys were more upset than us. Chris looked like he was going to come in and confront the guy and Lennon was saying how he was going to bargain with the man on reducing the fine. ya, u and your S$31...

Anyhow, I was not ready to let it ruin the trip so, putting it aside, I was ready to go. It's amazing to see Meiyan and her group taking the same ferry and going to the same place as well :) What coincidence!

A&W, Shopping, Massage and ending off with a nice surprise at night. Thank God for the efforts from the CG, I am very touched by the card, it's just too amazing. I can never come up with something like that and I seriously mean it. It was followed by a series of funny moments (I shall let the pictures do the talking, words will not do it justice). The "liang zhi qiang" impersonation was fantastic (I really have to hand it to Shuling) and there was the lighting by Lennon carrying the lamp.

The water sports was really fun, especially the jet sky and the parasailing. I felt so free on the sea. With the wind blowing in your face, it gives the feeling that you dun have a care in the world. Just going faster and faster, on the wide blue sea. Same with the parasailing...the song, "I could sing of your love forever" came to my mind as I went higher into the sky.

Over the mountains and the sea
Your river runs with love for me
...

God answered my two prayers during the trip and the second one is at the very last part when I asked for him to show me the needs of a friend joining us. His ways are divine.

Just the two of us

I had the priviledge to lead devotions for the last staff meeting of the year today. There are so many things on my head that I was not quite sure what I was going to share. One thing for sure, I know it must come from my heart :) I was handling so many things before the meeting that there was no time to prepare for the sharing but as I took out my bible and journal books, I knew what I was going to share.

As I sat there waiting for everyone to come in, I chatted with my colleagues. He saw one of my books titled, "Journey of Thanksgiving" and asked me whether I am going to share on thanksgiving points. I just gave him a smile and said that there are many things I want to share and I am wondering how to piece them all together. I then said, "That's how a woman thinks, our thoughts are all connected to each other." He chuckled.

I shared from Luke 24:13-32, about the 2 man whose spiritual eyes were opened as they invited Jesus into their problem-solving. I went on to share about my recent experience of my personal retreat with God when He showed me the 2 images. As I shared, I could sense that hearts were opened and suddenly, something clicked in my mind and I understood something that God is speaking to me about. It was like aha moment.

Something special between God and me. Just the two of us.

Christmas party at the Riverboat

Photos for Christmas party posted by Edmund :) Check it out...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/enzymed/sets/72157622924775333/show/

Meiling's wedding :P

June says we both look very round here...I say round is cute hehe :)

Building sandcastles on the ground

God gave me 2 scenes, one - a man building a sandcastle with his child and another - 4 girls holding one another's hand walking along the seashore. As I sat there nursing my horrible headache, God brought my attention to the man. There he was, patiently attending to the details of the windows. One word came to my mind : focus. He was very focused, not distracted by the passer-bys and each time I looked up, he was building the sandcastle. It must feel good to be doing something you enjoy which also helps you forget all the cares in the world.

It brought to mind my thoughts during my retreat earlier this year when God spoke to me about dreams. "Dreams, do they draw you nearer to or further from reality?" I asked myself. I felt that it drew me further away cos it's like building sandcastles in the air. Perhaps God is speaking to me about the same issue this time round, that dreams can be turned into reality. The sandcastles can be built on the ground.

The man is still hard at work...

Looking at him reminds me the importance of focus. Building requires patience, care, focus, committment, perseverance, self-discipline and knowing what you want to create. 

Some regrets came to my mind. Times in the year when I did not complete the things I took on, when I gave it up because it was not what I had in mind.

The year ahead brings with it much challenges and it's probably time to venture into the unknown. At that moment, I knew. I understood. I needed to be connected to people I can trust, in order to walk deeper and deeper into the waters. Each of the girls, probably feeling different things but yet, their hearts all connected as one :)

God's ways are higher

God has a plan for everything, big or small...

This morning, I was buying some drinks at the supermarket before going to work and at the counter waiting to be served, I just grabbed the "pi pa gao" and paid for it. Even as I was getting it, I wondered why I did as I have NEVER bought it before, except for other people. Also, I am not having a sore throat at all, nor the people around me having one.

Well well, just now at the toilet, someone stood outside sounded like she was vomitting. When I came out of the cubicle, I realised it's my colleague. There was a cup of water and salt she placed at the basin. She said that she is trying to gargle as her throat is very painful and the medicine is not helping. The "pi pa gao" came to my mind and I recommended it to her. Being an indian, she does not know about it but she was very thankful that I have something which can sooth her throat.

How divine, I told her over msn. And I usually don't buy it. Amazing how God works in ways we never understand.

TGIF - I can say it again and again

Thank God it's Friday! :)

I realised that it has been a while since I thank God for Fridays because there was simply no time to think about it...many events on all the weekends including the upcoming one - wedding and Christmas party :) This morning as I was praying to God, He reminded me, "What happen to having a thanksgiving heart to Him for everything?" I have been allowing myself to be clouded by the deadlines, planning etc instead of opening my eyes to the beautiful creation of God. What happen to the little bee on the flowers that I used to appreciate very much and think it to be beautiful and the lovely clouds as I sat at the bus-stop waiting for my bus. Nope, my eyes mostly on the handphone. Messages, messages and messages.

I thank God for His reminder, how timely. I look forward to my retreat with Him on Monday, interview on Tuesday and tonight's meeting with my 2 best friends. Amen! I didn't believe June when she said she was still in Cambodia when I called her and she was like, "Really!! It's $0.80 per minute" Then I started to panick, this is serious matter ;) The classic reply of Tracy which got me laughing, "Jiayan, we are your friends!" when I thought they were bluffing. That certainly worked for me heh... I thank God anyhow because I really miss talking to them, their voice all so familiar. And they were just about to call me, such things always happen between us haha.

Halfway (almost) through my Christmas shopping and more to go... One more week and it's HERE.

A quiet happiness in my heart :)

Batam Trip

Batam trip, here we come!

First time with the CG :P :P :P

Set aside time for a personal retreat

The ending of a year always brings much food for thought and reflection of how we have been spending our time. It's also a time to set aside time to seek God for new direction for the year ahead and renew our spiritual stamina to prepare ourselves for what is to come.

Tips for a successful personal retreat day:

1. Schedule it
2. Leave the emails and unfinished tasks on your desk. Delegate them or leave them till you get back.
3. Don't hold it at your home. Find a place with few distractions.
4. Plan it along the way. Jot down notes and ideas, write down scriptures that stirred you. Pack a book or two. Bring a list of past goals you want to revisit. Bring along something fun to read.

Below is the account of Wayne Cordeiro as he relates the experience of his personal retreat at the monastery:

(I can't help but laugh at the part when he said he drank 6 cups of coffee at one go! Little do we realise how reliant we are on these artificial products to keep us going day by day, to the extent we become addicted to them)

I returned to my silent cabin to have my devotions but for a boy from the city with encrusted habits, silence can have its limits, I found that in this monastic retreat there were no Internet hookups, no cellphones, and -worst of all- no coffee...how can I do devotions without coffee and a muffin?

By about the fifth day with the monks, I started feeling my oats again. I was tiring of no coffee, no Internet, no phones, and no talking. I needed a break from the silence...I decided to make my escape...at least for one day. I needed civilization. I needed caffeine!

I drove slowly out of the compound... Over an hour later, my cell phone revived and welcomed me with a beep and I had voicemail waiting. Within minutes, I came to the beautiful town of Carmel- and to an even more beautiful Internet cafe. The heavens had opened! I drank six cups of coffee, answered all my waiting emails, and sent notes to loved ones...I even wrote to people I don't know.

(From Leading On Empty by Wayne Cordeiro)

God, be my holding ground

Many thoughts flying past my head, it's just one of those times in life. You allow the thoughts and images to run, a never-ending pursuit. Life, what a simple word. It encompasses the many things that simply cannot be contained in a mere 4 letters. Thousands of quotes can hardly qualify its true meaning. The events which happen all at one go, sometimes leaving you breathless and your heart fluctuate with varying, intense emotions. Marriage ceremonies which brings hope, happiness and sweetness, the news of death which brings sadness, heaviness and sorrow, the hectic rehearsals which brings anxiety and anticipation, close friends who are absent which intensifies the need for connection, support and understanding, the awaiting of the interview and year to come which bring anxiety, fear and expectancy....and more. 

With so much activity going on inside, the holding ground better be strong enough to contain them.

I prayed to God for all the above and more. Only He can contain them.

Father, please replace my strange and scary dreams with blissful sleep.

   

My interview

My interview on 22th December 2009 at 1015am...

Everything in your hands!

Missing you gals

I am missing you gals.

9 more days to go... wished I can be there as well.

Weddings: more than just an event

There was a time when my friends keep telling me of the many weddings they were going to attend and I could not identify with it. I was like, "wow, ok... all your friends getting married...is there really so many people getting married in a year?" Now, it's happening to me ha. 4 weddings in a span of 2 weeks and more to come. Next year will be the highest record for me so far. Already 9 confirmed ones as I counted. 

Probably a few more years down the road, I will be the happy godmother to many cute little ones :)

Yesterday I attended an Indian wedding. It was my first and was certainly an interesting experience. The colourful arrays of colours surrounding me and I felt I was in bollywood :P The bride (my colleague) looks georgeous, just like a queen seated on the sedan. Cameras snapping away constantly, it almost felt like she was a celebrity. I received a lovely door gift with bangles, stickers to place on the forehead and henna which I did for my colleague. My first attempt at it and I am pretty pleased with the results. My indian colleague says that I have a gift for it.

I brought 2 tubes back so for those who wanna have ur hands and arms painted you can come to me :)

Weddings are good times to mingle, catch up with old friends and participate in a special & important event of your friend's life. So, even though my pocket might burn a tiny hole at the end of it all, I feel very priviledged to be part of witnessing these wonderful unions.

I look forward to the year ahead...

The art of balance is not an easy feat

I have received my venue of field placement this morning, not a place I will want to go as it is too far away from my workplace. I can imagine myself stradling between work, internship and the traveling time. I will just end up looking burnt and worn out when I meet my clients. Not exactly a good impression to begin with. I will probably be getting all upset when I have to rush down from my workplace only to find out that the clients have defaulted the appointment. That will certainly break my day. I pray that my request to change the venue will be approved!

The feeling's now is all meshed up, just like the girl in "New Moon" before she was going to jump down the cliff. What's it going to be like? The thoughts of the waves piercing through her body like painful stabs? Or the excitement of overcoming the seemingly fearful. I guess certain things just needs to be done while leaving the brain aside. You never know till you experience it. A short time but it feels like forever. Her look of triumph when she comes up the surface was remarkable. It was as if she was thinking to herself, "I should have done this earlier." Snap and back to reality. Well, at least it was encouraging to begin with.

Sometimes I wonder when is the point of immunity. When we have done something or go through the same motion so many times that we kind of don't feel much anymore. The first time is always the most memorable, sometimes nerve-wrecking or mind blowing. I guess when the novelty is gone, it all comes back to the purpose of the activity. This question will come at some point or another, sometimes strike us at the most unexpected moment. Failing to answer it leads to doubt, uncertainty and inertia. On the other hand, the most well thought through plan may fall flat and leads to great disappointment.

The art of balance is not an easy task. I guess I will never be able to master it in my lifetime...

love is an action verb

"Love is patient and kind.

Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.

It does not demand its own way.

It is not irritable,

and it keeps no record of being wronged.

It does not rejoice about injustice

but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

Love never gives up, never loses faith,

is always hopeful,

and endures through every circumstance. "

(1 Corinthians 13:4-7 New Living Translation)

To me, love is an action verb and not a noun. It is something we actively do, as Christ commands: Love one another as Christ loves us. It doesn't matter if the other person is deserving or easy to love. There is no condition tied to it. It's a choice we all can make. Easier said than done but it's the hallmark of a Christ follower because God is love. The song lyrics came to my mind, " how many times have I broken your heart but still you forgive if only I ask...".

God, thank you for loving me so much that nothing I do will make you love me more and nothing that I do not do will make you love me less.

When Good is not good enough

Then the Lord God said, "Behold, the man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil, lest he stretch out his hand, and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever"- therfore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden, to cultivate the ground from which he was taken. (Genesis 3:22-23)

In a way, the Garden is always with us. Our memories of good moments, and our wishes for ourselves and others to be better, keep the image of the ideal in our hearts. At times this encourages us, and at others it torments us, such as when we have thoughts like, "I shouldn't have made that error-I knew better. Why did I let it happen again?"

So the jolting experience of imperfection and the knowledge of good and evil land a one-two punch on most of us, and a dilemma is born. It can be stated this way: I'd like to be the ideal me-living in an ideal world. I can even imagine it. What then do I do with the badness in myself and the world? How do I co-exist with injustice? Failure? Imperfection? Disappointment?

The reason this is such a monumental issue for some of us, such as the perfectionist or the frustrated idealist, is that the kernel of the problem is a fear that bad will overwhelm and contaminate good. The one bad apple spoils a lifetime, thinks the idealist. This is a sign of developmental inability to trust that the good can coexist with the bad.

(Hiding from Love by Dr. John Townsend)

Doing what you enjoy and getting paid for it

Doing something you enjoy and getting paid for it, this thought came to my mind yesterday on my way to work... As I look back, I never thought that I would stay in a job for this long, with at least 3 more years to go. That will effectively make me 7 years in my current job!

After staying for 3 years in the same place, I still look foward to going to work and I still find satisfaction in the things I do and yes, I still love the children :)

I used to dislike it when others ask whether I am a volunteer and whether I get paid at all. Rising in me will be this sense of indignation that we, social workers should be given more recognition. No wonder my trainer says that social work in Singapore is like third world country.

Now, I am proud of it because what I do is what others will want to do in their free time and are willing not to be paid for at all. Yet, here I am, doing this as my job and it's not really a job afterall, it's something which I want to do. It's great to see the different facets of life playing out in front of you, the range of emotions you experience with a person and getting deep into another person's world and being involved in what matters to them. I love being in the midst of the action :)

Year End Syndrome part 2

It has come to the time of the year that sets you thinking, planning and more planning...

With just one more month to go, it will be 2010. It's like, I am looking through the long checklist in front of me and wondering to myself when the last item will be checked off the list and then...all of a sudden comes the huge realisation that more is to come. The field placement, lessons etc.

The sinking feeling sets in and yup, I am so not ready. Again. The feeling's all too familiar. I used to call it the year-end syndrome. This year, it starts even earlier. Printed out my calendar for 2010 and I accidentally the December calendar, thinking that it was redundant, only to realise there is one month to go. Haha, I am baffled by myself. It's almost like tripping over yourself.

Ok, one step at a time. No rushing, just keep going and keep believing :) But there are just so many things I want to do. Can I finish them all and still keep the main thing the main thing?

The Trust factor

Words - What do they mean?

The intent or the content, some may ask. For someone who used to focus on the content or rather the way the content was delivered, I have learnt to look more to the intent as the years pass. Not that the former is any less important but, in the context of meaningful and long-lasting relationships, TRUST is certainly an important component. Trust is built through clarifying one's intent so as to minimise miscommunication. I have to admit that it can get pretty tiring, especially among close friends (cos we take it for granted that they SHOULD know). Truth is that, no matter how well a person knows u, there is no sidestepping the need to build and restore trust. It's a variable and it is fragile. So, handle with care. Once broken, there is a price to pay. The good thing is that, overtime, when trust builds up, there is lesser need to explain ourselves or even, to defend our intentions.

2 things I have learnt along the years and still learning:

" Judge others by their intentions, not by their behavior"

"Handle others with your heart and yourself with your mind"   

As Steven Covey said in his book Speed of Trust, the 4 things to build trust are: Integrity, Intent, Capabilities and Results. Starting from the bottom, with integrity at the root of building trust. Great qualities but reflected in the little things we do on a daily basis.

Build my life around you

Three smses I received this morning which gave it the good start it deserves :) Because every day is a gift from God and as Alexis pted out to me, I then realised today's page for the CG's blessing bk goes..."Every new day your glory unfolds, thank you for..." (for those in the cg who haven been updating, it's prob time to strt doing so heh)

Hi morning sis, on ur way to work? :) I juz thought of dropping u an sms to let u know that... I've been praying for you since Sun nite...Heb 6:10 - praying tat He cont to encourage & help u.. Appreciate u, sister :) Jiayou..

I am touched that a fellow sister has been praying for me. Though we dun interact much but yet such kindness from her. "The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling."- 1 Peter 4:7-9


...I have transferred them to my mp3. Listenin to it now...Wonder what other is avail. Will check it out later. Thanks for the resources :)

I sent out some online sermons to the CG and friends yesterday, which I myself have been impacted by. A passing thought crossed my mind, will they download it? Will it be a waste of effort? Regardless, I went ahead. This is an encouragement from God to me. It reminds me of the parable of the growing seed.

Morning jiayan, my cg sam has 10 astro boy movie ticket whick will most likely close by first week of dec, he would like to pass to the kids from Hm. Pls advise if this is alright.

I am really thankful to God, how he connects my work to my community (people around me). One in heart, mind and spirit. Thanks for having the kids in your thoughts :)

One year anniversary

Happy one year anniversary to this blog! :)

Guofeng and Meiling's Wedding

Delighted :) For a dear friend is getting married... Just like her name Krystal, she is this precious gem amongst us. With a gentle spirit and caring heart, she exudes a quiet sense of confidence and poise. Looking at her photo album, we were like, "wowww..." all the way haha. I can already imagine her marching down the isle, what a lovely sight it would be. WOW!

Yesterday was the "jie mei" first meet-up and we had such great fun thinking of how to sabo the brothers haha. June, Peiqi, Peifang, Meiyan and Joanne. I would have to say that some of them are really pretty good in coming up with the ideas. Though the task is made more challenging with Robert (supposedly can eat anything) and Marcus (supposedly up to any challenge) as the brothers... we are ready! Guofeng has better start cracking his head to note down some important dates hehe

After a few minutes of discussion, we all concluded that it must be "meaningful" cos Meiling say that the games must be meaningful. After we prayed and started brainstorming, someone suddenly said, "did we pray for it to be meaningful?" and we all panic. lol

Chicks night, gatecrashing, wedding service... so exciting!!! :P

Christmas party 2009

I am looking forward to the unit Christmas party this year.

Joscelin Yeo: More than a swimmer

I was reading Joscelin Yeo's biography. An inspiring figure whom I truly admire for her dogged determination and clarity of mind under stressful conditions. Reading about her inner world and thoughts helps me to understand this iron lady, who has a soft side to her, beneath the cold, tough exterior she presents. I admire her for her laser-sharp focus, she certainly is a true believer of her values and the things she does. Someone with an extremely high level of self and other-awareness, she always observe her opponents carefully before and during the course of the race. These opponents eventually becomes her great friends for life, people who spur her on towards greater heights. One quote she likes a lot, which is one I happen to like too, "What does not kill you makes you stronger." I see how this is lived out in her life, in a great measure. At a young age, when most teens are very impressionable, she shines above the rest and takes feedback very seriously, putting them into practise which led to her victory. Also, she takes criticism very postively, is not easily offended. I would say, she has a very secure emotional base and strong mindset. It does not, then, comes as a surprise that she wakes up at 430am daily for 6 days a week to train for her competitions. Very humane but very talented and she certainly puts her talent in good use.

" It was around 1999 that I started to talk about my relationsip with God. I accepted Christ back in 1998 because I was desperate. Nothing seemed to be going right. School, swimming and life in general - all appeared to be going downhill. I also had a relationship that just went sour. Perhaps I was so depressed. There was nothing to motivate me. I slept all day, drank my sorrows away, and basically felt worthless.

It's not something I'm proud of. But there was no denying that this "queen of the pool" was human after all. I wished someone knew that. I wished someone could understand. I was sad, afraid and alone. I hung out with friends a lot. I always had to be around people. But strangely, even when I was among my closest friends, there was still a hollow feeling within me. I couldn't explain why. How could someone who seemed to have everything be so unhappy with life? Maybe I was looking in the wrong places to fill my void.

I wasn't in Singapore much. When I was home, I wanted to spend as much time I could with my brothers. I loved them dearly and missed them a lot. So when my older brother, Leonard, kept bugging me to go to church with him, I went. Somewhere deep down, I was so desperate for life to get better and brighter. There was a small voice in me that said, maybe, just maybe, I would get lucky and God would take pity on me and help me out a little. Leonard seemed truly happy. My mum too appeared happy. Maybe some of their happiness would rub off on me. But honestly, I fell asleep during the message.

But just as the pastor began the altar call, I woke up. Strangely enough, I felt a really strong compulsion to go to the front. My heart was beating fast and hard. It was pounding so hard that I felt if I didn' raise my hand, my heart was seriously going to pop out of my chest. "What if I didn't raise my hand? What if I miss this chance to turn my life around?" 

At the same time, I had some reservations. "What if people see me going up there? Am I going to have to deal with more questions about my swimming? Am I going to have to deal with people's curiosity? What if they keep pointing at me and wondering what's wrong with me?" All my life I had been haunted by this kind of stuff. I just wanted to run and hide under a blanket. But my inner pain was great. And public perception was not enough to prevent me from having my private moment with God. 

I share all this to emphasise Hope. Hope can help you get through tough times. Hope can drive you to greater heights. But Hope in the right thing is important. People put their faith in different things. For me, I found my hope in Christ. This has transformed me completely and helped me to lead a more fulfilling life. Knowing that God loves me simply for who I am, and in spite of who I am, is so liberating. Now I don't feel the need to live up to others' expectations. All this is strange, coming from someone who was a self-confessed atheist not long ago."

(Joscelin Yeo in On The Move: My Career, My Story)

Countdown

                                    My Journal                                 Date: 24/07/09

I am reminded of this song in Les Miserables, "One Day More". Why do people like to count down so much? One more day to something significant, the day of victory, of new beginnings. Explosions and earth-shaking. What really happens? After that? The hype is gone, life resumes its normality. I, for one, am someone who believes in the moments. The moments in life when something you never expect happens and you just allow it to lead you. We plan things and countdown to remind ourselves of the hope we've for something better but why can't that happen today? Why must it be 10 days later, 5 days later or what.... The tension building, excitement materialising, hope rising...Maybe that's what we all need. But why not start each day in anticipation? Becos experience tells us it'll never happen? What colour is today? Is it the same old grey or a beautiful orange, red and yellow. Or splashes of it? What to expect? Nothing else except for that appointment in the schedule book.

I am starting to have an inkling to the purpose of counting down. More than the hoping, it lets us know that reality is coming. It's not just wishful thinking or building sandcastles in the air but as the day draws nearer, we know that it's more than just a dream. Something that is so BIG and that which seems too good to be true, is actually happening. The waiting, in itself, is not passive. Rather, it's part of the process. Part of the whole deal actually. When the event comes, the preparation and anticipation will reap its fruits :)

What are you counting down to?

Running After You

Need A Break

I am tired!

It's about what God can do

"If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself.

But if you forget about yourself and look to me,

you'll find both yourself and me."

Matthew 10:39 (The Message Version)

Christmas in Orchard - My pal and I :)