The missing PIECE

Recently I made a interesting observation about someone and it led me to think about how we sometimes unknowingly catch on to something in the midst of our interaction with significant others in our lives.

At the wedding I attended last week, there was something about the way this guy speaks which resembles a coursemate of mine. The way he responds "sure, sure" to almost every statement echoes the same "sure" that my coursemate often uses in class. It's not surprising to know that they used to be a couple some 6 years back, though they have not been in contact for the past few years. It's funny how some things seem to always stay with us, no matter how far we go or how much we have changed. It's like almost inevitable.

During yesterday's CG, we had an open sharing on the area of discipline. Naturally, we went back into our student life as we shared about our experiences in this area. This shows that our past experiences plays a big part in teaching us certain values which probably still guide us till now. We ended off with the theme of Adulthood. It was a heartening moment for me to hear what was being shared by the bro and sis on how they see themselves in the CG despite varying levels of closeness, to want to commit to a common vision and build the relationship in the coming years. Yup, "attending first service together". I do hope we can get that far hee... ZY ended with his sharing that he hoped to build deeper friendship with each person in the grp, which resonated with how Pris feels.

Everyone who walks into our lives just leaves a piece of himself/herself in us and this thing stays with us even when the person is no longer in contact with us. It may be the way we speak, our thoughts and beliefs and values on certain things. It's just beautiful to know that...

A side thought will be: How much have we been that piece in someone else's life?

超人不會飛

<超人不會飛>
周杰倫

如果超人会飞 那就让我在空中停一停歇

再次俯瞰这个世界 会让我觉得好一些

拯救地球好累 虽然有些疲惫但我还是会

不要问我哭过了没 因为超人不能流眼泪
 
Nice song indeed :)
 
I like this part...sometimes I feel the same way too...

One more...

One more to go for this semester...

To obey is better than sacrifice

Your future is full of...

HOPE because God is working on your behalf.
In all things God works for the good of those who love Him. ROMANS 8:28

JOY because God has a plan for you.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "...plans to give you hope and a future." JEREMIAH 29:11

PEACE because God will be wherever you go.
I am with you always. MATTHEW 28:20

LOVE because God deeply cares for you.
How wide and long and deep and high is the love of Christ. EPHESIANS 3:18

STRENGTH because God gives you everything you need.
I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. PHILLIPIANS 4:13

CONFIDENCE because God made you who you are.
God saw all that He had made, and it was very good. GENESIS 1:31

COURAGE because God can do more than you can imagine!
With God all things are possible. MATTHEW 19:26

"All a man's ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart. To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice." - Proverbs 21:2-3

Teach me the right way to live and I will follow it.

What will Yesterday say about Tomorrow?

What will Yesterday say about Tomorrow?


If not for me, you will not be where you are today

While you may represent the future, I make up the past

If you learn from me, you can do much more

I may be over but I will always be here

I have been there and done that

I am not a figment of imagination, it's for real

There will always be me, but there may not always be you

Linking the past to where we are now...

To be a good counselor, it is necessary to get in touch with what makes us tick and what triggers the innermost emotions in us which is usually linked with our childhood. For one of the assignment this sem, I am supposed to go back to my family of origin, back to my childhood and explore how my history has influenced who I am and why I become a counselor. It's pretty insightful and can be painful as well. Good and bad memories, they flood me as I tread along the route down memory lane.

My favourite yellow polka dot dress. I remember I use to pick it out to wear all the time cause I like it so much. Not sure why but prob cos of the cheeriness and comfort. My mum liked to tie my hair in this way ha..

I was the small-eye girl and used to have only single eyelid :P

Not sure what I was doing, look a bit rebellious. My sis is the good girl...

My bro and I both have curly hair :P Looking very fair too...

Seems like the maternal instinct was in me all along :P That's my niece, she is 15 now! Means around 10 years ago!!

RIP

Dying halfway...

Breathless, irritable, going crazy, squeezed dry...

I feel so unsupported that my boss just left me here with the tons of things to do, which does not even fall under my scope in the first place and she just left like that, without telling me. Yes, it feels horrible to be thrown two emails asking for a social report (of a boy who is not even under my charge) and 4 cases to be checked and 4 discipline reports to be investigated at 430pm,when I JUST came back from the hospital after going through the medical test with the child and receiving the anger outburst from her mother since morning and having to pay for my cab fare first. After having finished the investgations and wanting to go and look for her, I realised she has left the office.

I am fuming, yes. Seriously. I can't stand such irresponsible people. What kind of team spirit is this I dunno. I just feel like I am being treated like a robot, not a human.

Take, take, take it all. Every single piece of me till there is none left, maybe den will they stop. Finally. Then I can RIP.

It takes a bad leader to show you what a good leader looks like.

I am thankful for the operation manager who bothers to make a phonecall to me to lighten my burden. The printer in the office has been down and I cannot print out my work in time to submit. As a desperate measure, I just emailed the reports instead. He called up in less than 15 minutes to say that in the future, he will print out all the reports and help us to record them in the log book. He also understood the frustration we faced in having to live with a faulty printer. He is truly there in time of needs, answering phonecalls over the weekends and giving direction when my boss is not picking up and only reply when things are settled.

Thank God for the light at the end of the tunnel :)

Live it out

It was a lovely wedding :)

Looking at the two of them, it just felt like a fairy tale ... The amazing thing for me is that they have been together for 9 years and still going strong. It was funny that in the car, there was a guy who said that he hopes to find someone who can go through 9 years with him too and immediately, he was shot with a reply, "You are so old already, you mean 9 months right?" lol.. I guess every relationship is different and cannot be compared but I have to admit that theirs is a really sweet one, in its totality :D Yup, lovely is the word.

It was certainly a good experience for me too. I realised that it is when you are with a group of people you don't really know, you can see yourself more clearly for who you are. To be away from the comfort and the familiarity you experience with friends and colleagues who know you for years and see you in your ups and downs and learning to step out and get yourself known and to know others enough to create enough synergy to work with them for the wedding in a short span of 2 weeks. Not an easy feat.

Standing in front of a congregation, I was surprisingly not nervous. Probably cos I dunno this people and they dun know me too. No risk of being made fun later on too :P At one point, the audience was really not responsive (cos they are quite old, the relatives of the bride and bridegroom) and I said in desperation, "Come'on, we are young people right?" And the reply was expressionless faces looking back at me. Wrong move oops. At one point, we forgot to ask the audience to sit down and the pastor was signalling frantically for us to give the call. It was quite funny too.

Something nice that came out of the wedding, a message from one of the helpers..." nice knowing you..I always looked up to ppl who work for passion and not for money..u must ve lotsa courage and mental strength to be in this line. .jiayou and hope u attain ur masters soon..."

Thank God for the nice encouragement at the end. It taught me that you leave with people who you really are or believe in, even when you may not be aware of it :)

It takes a little faith

TIRED but still going on.

5 more months to go, can I last the distance?

I spoke to a 29 year-old man today on the phone. His wife has just called for a divorce, saying that she has no feelings for him anymore. They have a 3 year-old child and got together after an "accident" as the child came along unexpectedly. In him, I hear a man eager to get the relationship back together even though........

Well, it was the second divorce case for today but certainly not for the month. It's kind of sad hearing such news almost all the time. June said that I should quit my job cos it makes me skeptical towards relationship haha...

I guess it just takes a little faith to believe that God is in control of all things :)

The familiar feeling of belonging

Today my colleague said to me over msn twice, "You are so cool and calm". I was like...ok :) A secret smile in my heart. The strings of events which happened in the morning threaten to ruin my day. The cab driver who, for the fourth time, did not turn up to pick the girls to school. The child who was reported by his teacher to lift his classmates' skirt. The two discipline reports on my table. The client who did not want to come for counseling. The mother who is unwilling to pay for the home fees.

The list goes on...

When my colleague broke the bad news to me at the office in front of a few others, my mind was like ticking away. Tick tick tick...ok, I need to call this person, then this other person and do this and that. Surprisingly I was not too surprised. Perhaps I have been conditioned in my job to expect the unexpected. On I went to do the neccesary and then the familiar blinking of the messenger conversation tab. Now, that was a nice little encouragement in the midst of all the bad news. Makes me realise that wherever you are, eyes around you are watching.

It was the 1st time after a long time that I did not eat except for breakfast. I was out and about, off to the hospital and settle the stuff till it was 7pm and I didn't even feel hungry. It was a strangely good feeling, to be present in the day of a family's life, walking through their crisis with them. Though it has not ended and definitely requires energy to do the follow-up, I thank God for this process because it reminds me of my reason for working here.

Something in me stirs again. The familiar feeling of belonging.

new look, new feel

I am so liking my new perm :) I just feel different in it, not so boring, not so sian. The same straight hair all the time. So much so that I dun mind doing the hard work to keep it in place hee...

It's so funny that I went to the rehearsal and this guy introduced himself to me Again. He din recognise me becos of my new curls. It's funny cos it proves the point that guys are indeed visual lol. Anyway, I played along and he din even realised until I started laughing.

It was a fun time, knowing new pple and seeing how a wedding is conducted in a 'methodist' way. I love the church, it looks very beautiful, especially in the night. It has such a warm feeling to it, the brown walls, the big bible in the center, the cushions on the floor. Everything just feels so right :) As Gladdys walked down the isle during the rehearsal, I looked at Kenny. There is this look in his eyes that says, " I am such a fortunate man" (beams) The rehearsal was fun and relaxing and the "fun facts" part was quite funny too, though I cannot imagine myself supposedly having to whine in front of the audience (which includes my boss). Well, all in the name of fun :P

When will "all things beautiful" come? I am still waiting

Two days MC and I am still doing work.

It was a real draining night and when I reached home, I felt spent. But I was glad that things were shared openly. It's raining again, I absolutely dislike the rain. Waiting for my client now and doing the case recordings after having amended the emcee script, I feel like a juggler waiting for one of the balls to drop anytime. At least, there is today to catch up on some rest in the morning and time to do my assignment tmr. Wedding rehearsal tmr. Whoa, I am so not ready. Thank God for ZY who is helping me with the madarin translations, one thing off my mind. And also him and wei for planning and leading CG for this week. They are such good support and friends. One whole day of wedding on Saturday and one whole day of meetings plus work on Sunday. I seriously find it extremely difficult not to start disliking my weekends. Not that the weekdays are any better. Just that at least it's not as bad.

I wish, I wish, I wish................. then I thought, maybe it's better not to wish. It will lead to disappointments cos it just won't happen, at least not for now. 10 months, is it as what the author says, just the time needed to develop a discipline? Perhaps so but it's easier to acknowledge this when I am at the end of the 10 months rather than in the middle of it. Actually, not even half the way yet. Almost.

When will "all things beautiful" come? I am still waiting for it ...

過自己那一關

The morning begins with the word GRACE, brought to my mind :)

The past weeks has been excruciatingly painful, with the physcial, emotional and mental pull, which time and again threatens to take my sanity away. I thank God for the times He was already there waiting for me when I seek Him. His comforting presence and encouraging words never fails to bring me strength and peace to go the next step. I enjoyed yesterday's lessons and I was proud of myself! In the class, when the trainer was trying to sort out the projector, I started to read the bible and also look through my schedule. My coursemate just said to me, "Oh, you couldn't make it for church because of the lessons." It didn't occur to me honestly, perhaps it's an in-built response on Sunday mornings, just like for blogging too. I just have to reach out and blog, pen down my thoughts, feelings and experiences :)

In my calendar, I wrote, "I made it so far!" haha. Yup, I laughed at myself. Who says we cannot encourage ourselves. The lessons helps me make a lot of sense about relationships and its dynamics. The complexity of it all but yet, how it can understood in the everyday simple experiences. The night's helpers' meeting was good, it makes me clearer on where things are going. I am slowly getting a hang of things, gaining ground. It's a tough month which will get tougher but I guess for most things, its like if  你能過得了自己那一關﹐就沒有anything是做不了的。

I believe in this cos I am a more internal of control person than an external of control one. May it be inside out, instead of the other way round. I pray that God will strengthen me with power through His spirit in my inner being, so that he may dwell in my heart through faith (Eph 3:12, 16).

The difference

It was a good supervision session with my boss.

I have been worried the day before due to the email she sent to the department yesterday which was so scary.

However, I felt at peace and even a bit joyful when I went into her office this morning. Before we met, she had come back from the toilet and forgot to put the key back, I just smiled and laughed a little. It's that kind of laugh you carry when sometimes your friends or even yourself is so busy with work with things that we completely forgot things. And we kind of like take a step back, look at ourselves and laugh at the irony of it all :)

I know it must have been the time with God that made the difference. I find myself being energetic and animated when I shared the cases with her. There was a connection and she understood what I was saying and from the initial frowns on her face, there was increasingly the smile and laughter. Towards the end, she started coughing. I think she was not well and somehow, there and then, I felt compassion for her. As I told her that the parent has come a long way, in my mind, I was thinking to myself that she too, has come a long way in this 5 years.

Though there has been times of tension, misunderstandings and she definitely has her fair share of worries and unhappiness, she took it in her stride and did not give up or throw in the towel. It's not easy to be a leader nor manage an organisation but I do have to say that at the end of the day, she took it on courageously, puts in her best and did well. The position of isolation sometimes requires a courageous soul to occupy it.

"Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God." - Romans 13:1

Longing for a pure heart

I was reading about the life of Samuel, how he was born as a gift to God, that his whole life was dedicated as a worship to God. I find it amazing that Hannah was so quick in giving what God has given her to Him, without hesitation or doubts or unwillingness. Nothing of the sort but rather, with much thankfulness. Then I understood. She loves God more than she loves herself, so much so that she is willing to give whatever that God has given her back to Him. I was truly touched. And God blessed her and used her child greatly.

God spoke to Samuel before he knew who God is, when he could not even recognise the voice of God. It struck me that God requires only a pure heart which is still before Him to listen to what He has to say. During yesterday's worship, Huaqiang led the prayer for us to talk to God and not just to ask Him for something. Indeed, only His love can spur us to do the things we are doing - ministry, work, loving people and sustain us though and through, when the going gets tough.

When we rely on our own strength and not deal with the little things that eats up our soul, Satan will have a foothold over us and before we know it, the foothold gets larger and strucks us at the most unexpected moments, at our weakest.

Bring me to that place of solitude and stillness where I can be with you and feel you :)

I'm Held By Your Love

Met up with June, Meiyan and Meliling last night for a catch-up. It felt good to be with people who know you and whom you know. The talk on preparation for marriage, getting a house and all that...to me it's somehow scary at this point of time. It's indeed a responsibility not to be taken lightly and many things to consider. A marriage of love without bread cannot survived in Singapore lol

Regardless, it's good to be kept informed :)

I am reminded of the vision God gave me during my retreat this year, of 4 girls holding hands walking into the water together. I feel like the one at the deeper end of the water now but it's not so fearful to know that there is someone I can trust holding on to me.

:)

Say what you need to say, do what you need to do

How do you know when you are really stressed? I guess for me, the litmus test is when you stop counting. When you stop checking that schedule of yours because it just freaks you out... The many things to do, coupled with things that threaten to pull you down. It feels like you are moving forward and every step you take, you feel like you are being pulled into the sandpit. You need more strength with each step and yet after what feels like a hundred steps, you realise that you have not moved much. Your body is perspiring profusely and you start to have wandering thoughts of letting yourself sink into that sand and let things happen as they will, however it will be.

Does the image stop here or does it keep running?

Perhaps sometimes it just takes a different way of doing things or to push ourselves forward till that 'point'. Instead of walking forward but to lie on the sand and roll ourselves forward. Lord, you determine our every step. How can we, then, understand things our own ways?

If today, I have to be buried in the sand and gone forever, will I carry with me the regrets of not being true to myself? Or that I have not tried enough or think of a better way out? I guess not cos as far as possible, I feel that I have put me my level best in most things I do and be as honest as I am capable of, to myself and others. For now, that is good enough.

Other things will just have to be left to be dealt on its own.  

For when I am weak, then I am strong

Shots

Lovely place, friendly owner, good coffee (though a bit on the steep side) and good company :)

The cafe is named Shots because you can get a shot of expresso, a shot of sake and learn how to take good shots (photography). The owner was very hospitable and keep telling us how proud he is of the washroom, saying that he can even put a bed inside haha. Like the decor, music, lighting...

The unfortunate seat

This morning, I saw a kid under my block in his school uniform, looking bored and aimless and I thought to myself, why do these children play truant? Stupid question I know. They probably hate to study, dun like the teacher or jus dun have the attention span. Whatever the reason is, anywhere out of school is better for them.

Maybe I cannot fully understand cos I have always been a pretty good student. The one who prefers to sit near the teacher, the one who is remarked as an attentive student on my annual report book and the one who is always assigned to sit next to the noisiest boy in class (so that he will keep quiet too). Yup, this is when things changed...

 It's a real bad idea that will never work out but will just make the quiet student irritated, upset and feel tormented (in this case, poor me). The daily teasing, the literal poking of me with a pencil and the many other things the boy did to get a reaction out of me. While the bible does say that evil should be overcome with good, I guess the context needs to be taken into consideration, at least for the sake of the poor child. If you can't manage the bad kid, put him at the side alone, not expecting someone else to do the dirty job for you.

Maybe I should have been the one to play truant and with a very good reason indeed, which is that, "The boy sitting next to me is disturbing me!" Well, it never did happen. Probably that was exactly why I was the chosen one to be in that unfortunate seat. All that said, the past is the past. I am just hoping history does not repeat itself. If the school and home cannot provide a safe environment for the child, at least the playground, void decks and arcades do look like pretty good alternatives...

My gift

I received a precious gift from my dear friend yesterday that records our special memories on her special day.

She is a gift to me, as how her boyfriend is a gift to her :) Though it does take getting used to but to love someone is to wish the best for her and I am happy for her. For them.

It's a beautiful beginning and will be an equally beautiful ending I believe. Part of the gift is a song I wrote for God during my snorkeling experience which is my gift for Him, though He absolutely needs nothing from me. I was reminded of of the song, "Your song" and imagine myself saying that to God. It goes like this:

"And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world"

My Gift

Everything tells of your mercy
Every moment draws me nearer
to the breathtaking things you have made

You who made these fishes
and its glorious kingdom
is the same God who made me
In midst of this universe

Soaking deep in your presence
I find the fear released
and my body simply lost
in wonder of your creation

You are with me
And you never left me
My heart desires to be with you
In the perfect union forever till we meet
Into eternity

It could be today

One day a woman's husband died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom, the wife was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't "anymore."

No more hugs,no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more "just one minute."

Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, say "I love you."

So while we have it, it's best we love it,
care for it, fix it when it's broken and
heal it when it's sick.

Sunshine after the rain

what happens when the world turns upside down?

"In an upside down world, with all the rules being rewritten as the game goes on and spectators invading the pitch, it is good to feel that some things and some people seem to stay just as they were"

- Kenneth More