Inside

There are many external things which can move our hearts but I am convinced that the most beautiful things comes from inside :)

Dreams

There is so much going through my heart these few weeks that I thought I could burst. This morning I thank God that I managed to wake up early to do my work. I know that this is only possible with God and not me because my natural self would have gone to sleep longer and nua in bed. I thank God for the sisters and brothers in the new group who have extended their warm welcomes, offered their prayers, availability and kind replies throughout this short period of time. The sowing event which is going to take place this Saturday eventually culminating in the Easter celebration. I really feel God's leading being clearer in the midst of it all, how He seem to guide my actions in the most divine way and speak to me in the wrong heart attitudes and affirm me through people. I am also thankful for the art class which will begin in May and I can already see the theme of the painting - DREAMS. Yes, that's what came to my mind.

Dear God, I thank you for all that I am and all that I am not.

At the art gallery :)

Surrenderedness

Made the decision to put on hold my driving till next year and cancelled my test in April. In a way, I am relieved. It was a rash decision made and with the motive of wanting to accomplish yet another thing. This morning, I prayed that God stills my heart and increase my desire for Him, that which will want him badly in my life. I want to go back to those days when worshipping God was a lifestyle and as it is, doing it as though it is second nature to me. To be in the world, yet not of the world and influencing the world. That's a calling. A calling for all of us to go forth and make disciples of all nations. I need to set my life right. The daily devotions, prayer and seeking God in all direction in my life.

Not my will, but Yours be done.

I surrender.

My victory is in you

Hi


Just want to congratulate Jasmine for the control and direction she placed in her presentation of cases this afternoon at the care plan meeting. The care plan forms used ensured that a systematic coverage was made on the cases and I hope you all sense a more in-depth discussion from the members of the meeting, on the cases presented by Jasmine.
I hope to see more of this from the rest of you.
Gerardine


Another affirmation from my boss and her asking me to do devotions. I must be doing something right.

God, your will be done :)

He has overcome the world

Preparing for devotion this morning.

God reminded me that the authority comes from His word and not me but why am I still having this bit of butterflies in my stomach? I pray for my confidence to come from Him and my strength and words from Him and not myself.

God is god and I am not.

No, I dun wanna be overwhelmed. Jiayan, take heart...He has overcome the world.

The next generation

Wondering to myself how we can prepare our kids for this world... it's certainly not easy to do so. I mean, before we get to that, we have to first be ready for the world ourselves. Is it enough just to cram them with all that MOE has given to them in school and make sure they come up tops in everything? Well, for one, that's a start. How about everything else after that? Who's going teach them about the office politics which DOES happen, managing relationships with others well and yet still keeping oneself sane, have an open mind and hopeful heart? That, I believe, comes from their experiences with others most of the times. And if they stay cooped up at home doing their assessments day after day, night after night...with the TV as the main source of relaxation after some hard work, they are not going to learn anything from there. They will simply get a very wrong perception of how this world is like and believe in an illusion painted by the media. Sure, there is the parental influence and the definitely, without doubt, the good values passed down by their parents through modelling of good behaviors. While this is good, it does not paint a realistic picture of the world where not everyone truly desire the best for them from the bottom of their hearts. A world where actions may not necessarily comes genuinely from the heart. To me, exposure has to begin from young and understanding has to come from within so that decision-making is informed and not influenced by popular culture, coercion from other influential figures in our lives, pressure from stressors or simply because we just do not know what else to do.

I believe in the fall, pick ourselves up, fall and pick ourselves up again theory in teaching a child, if there is one :) I think what I really mean is that the next generation needs to be prepared for the challenges of the next generation and not now.

A cord of 3 strands is not easily broken

This morning as I was walking to the bus-stop, there were 3 pigeons in front of me...At first, they were going in the same direction then two of the pigeons turned to the side to get some food while the other pigeon kept going in the same direction. After that, all three pigeons continued moving forward together. I believe it's a reminder from God about friendship. Though we are no longer as closely knitted as before in terms of proximity, we still hold on to the values which we did in the past and till now. Things that let us know each other for who we are, despite the changes in lifestyle and appearance or life stages. We made a pact that we will be committed to each other on things that we promised, no matter what :) And I know we will. Not pushing to make it happen but more of a silent trust that it will be.

My dear Tracy is soon going to be someone else's wife and I am really happy for her. It's like we have always been talking about this before we got attached and now it's happening. more waiting to unfold. June and her trips, also what she has in mind all along, to explore another country. In a way, I am glad that we are not at the same position because I already carry a piece of them with me and whatever they are going through in their life will just be added to this piece in my heart. I am so grateful to God that the friendships continue to remain in spite of changes in ministry, church and all other things. It gives me a sense of security as well that the friendships can stand through the test of time and changes.

This week I want to slow down my pace so that the inner me can slow down as well. Sometimes I am scared of myself, so many things going through my head and it becomes a mess. This happens when there are a lot of things to do and the kan cheong spider in me comes out, stressing others as well. Worrying that things are not in place, did I miss out anything etc etc.

I need to tell myself that come'on Jiayan, the world can do without you and that even if everything is not in place, it's ok. God will still make all things beautiful in His timing.

Listen and love

Learning points:

"When someone is sharing his point of view to me, I try to ...

Listen,
ask questions,
listen again,
ask more questions,
lsiten some more,
then
respond."

"We gossip because we fail to love. When we love people, we don't criticize them. If we love them, their failures hurt. We don't advertise the sins of people we love any more than we advertise our own."

School holidays

Today I realized that when your boyfriend n ur best friend are teachers, school holidays suddenly becomes so significant ...

Pink n yellow roses, it is done :)

What a wonderful week !

Be there

I just realised that there are so many leaves in our garden which can be eaten on its own. There is basil leave, curry leave, mint leave and a few others. Some which is good for sore throat, cold and flu. Some good for bringing down cholestrol and some which is just simply good on its own. I just feel like buying a few pots of these and grow them at home :)

Just feel really happy with this new discovery and other little things such as a recognition of my work by my boss. It's the second time in these two weeks she has praised me and it tells me I am on the right track :) Also, two colleagues commented today that my earrings is nice. Yesterday another colleague said that I write well. It does make working here a more pleasant experience for me. Not forgetting to mention that my boss is on two days leave next week :)

I love celebrations because they remind me of the good things in life. Like yesterday's hen's night for Daisy, Tracy's bday celebration next Tuesday, Guanhui's bday celebration, Daisy's wedding. I realise all of a sudden that this is the most beautiful time in my life when I can chase my dreams, when people celebrate new beginnings and life, when I can still do challenging things without having to worry, when I have the energy to do many things, when there is so much to look forward to. To learn, to feel, to experience, to taste, to witness, to simply - Be there.

Makes my day :)

From my boss today :)

Hi Jasmine


Your persistence demonstrated in the case has been instrumental in making this difference. Thank you Jasmine.
Gerardine

Family

Yesterday my mum cooked herbal soup and each time I smell it in the kitchen, it brings back a familiar feeling of home. To me this is much better than any nice cusine out there selling in the restaurant. It's like a kind of comfort food which you can only experience at home. This is the same as the homesick feeling u get after leaving home for a number of days and missing the food at home when you are sick. No where is better than home.

Yesterday I told my mum that we are going to bid for the BTO flats and she was very supportive, saying that we should do it already as we have to wait a number of years. She said that we can come back and eat anytime and also ask the maid to go to my house to clean up a few times a week. I felt very assured by what she said. Partly because I knew that my family will be there even after I get married and it's relief to know that my life will not be so much of a change. I can still very much enjoy what I am enjoying in the comforts of my home now. I am thankful that my mum is very understanding as she said that the house shouldn't be too far from Zy's school as he will have to travel very far everyday.

I hope to be able to build such a family next time where my children will feel so comfortable that they are unwilling to leave home :)

Wisdom can only come from Him

Yet another morning this weel which I wake up fresh and ready for the day. Sometimes a little bit more sleep can work wonders! :) Thank God for giving me the wisdom to understand the situation at work today, I think He is just amazing. I mean, on my own, I would not have seen it that way. It must have been from Him. Waking up to this statement sticking in my brain, "God is God and I am not". Amen to that :) The change in perspective enabled me to put things into perspective.

I started reading the book on 'Winning with people' and the first chapter talks about how prepared we are for relationships. A few things which struck me:

The way people see others is a reflection of themselves.

People respond to what they are prepared to believe. And what prepares them for what they believe is their experience...We can't undo our past experiences, but we can reprogram ourselves using new ones.

Celebrate Life

One thing I want to do for the whole of next week:

CELEBRATE my LIFE as It is :)

As what Pastor said today during the sermon, do not give up the important to take care of the urgent.

Another lesson learnt - Love is courageous

Glad to be back here at my desk after three days at the course. Phonecalls after phonecalls and many things to attend to but I enjoy such a fast-paced environment at times, it keeps me motivated, keeps me going. Thank God for Ling who gave me a clip cos I said I was looking for it, a very timely and thoughtful gift :) I think God is good because I have made the decision to stop buying things which I want but does not need and here, she bless me with something I want ... She finally bought her iphone and now we can watsapps each other :)

I invited a number of friends for service this sunday but they are all busy, either got to OT or going to M'sia. At least this lets me know that this is what they do over the weekends, can organise something along that line next time ...

I WANT TO...
I want to rise above my circumstances and not let anything stop me from doing what I need to. I want to be emotionally, mentally and physically present in everything I do without just seeing it as a task to be ticked off from my to-do list. I want to make an effort to appreciate the people around me more, especially those who love me and whom I love. I want to treasure everything which I already possess and bring it to the maximum potential. I want to do what God has called me to do and not be 'over- responsible'. I want to go to bed every night and be glad for the day that has passed and wake up each morning looking forward to what is to come.

Tuesday was a emotionally charged day and it's been a while since I experienced such an array of intensive emotions bubbling in me, making me feel almost out of control. I lost myself to my emotions but also realised at the same time that a negative feeling can lead to something good. Perhaps it was God's gift of survival instinct at the right moment when it was much needed. The empowerment came from inside and not outside but after that, left me feeling so weak and I broke down physically. It takes a lot of strength to be angry, it's tested and proven. It's amazing that in the same night, I also allow my anger to lead to something bad, to reveal an ugliness in me which is capable of hurtful words when left unchecked.

Something inside which blamed, questioned, doubted and criticised and yet, I was received with kind words. I recall the story which I read of the girl who was hiding from love and pushed people away from her and ran away from them. Somehow I felt like that girl and it had felt safer to handle everything on my own, something I have slowly grown accustomed to. Yet, something pulled me back, out of my defense mechanism and made me realised there is another person I can trust with my vulnerability. No wonder the bible says that we overcome evil with good. I was touched yet I was scared at the same time. It takes a lot of courage to be loved by another, knowing that all humans are imperfect and will at some point, disappoint you (whether intentionally or unintentionally). It takes a lot of courage to trust someone with your raw emotions, knowing that their lack of understanding will hurt you even further.

But it also takes a lot of courage to continue to love despite being pushed away, avoided and rejected.