A Thanksgiving Post

Isn't it so true that we often take for granted those who are just beside us, loving us in their quiet and understated ways?

Today I want to dedicate a post to thank my husband for his loving actions and support to me this stressful period. I thank him for learning how to cook for us by tirelessly flipping through the cook book, hoping to find some inspiration, cleaning up the dishes, budgeting for us, coming up with the menu every week, jotting down the details of each receipts, washing the laundry, printing out my notes, discussing with me about my readings, providing insights to me on what the readings mean, sending me to school, fetching me to school, attending a boring lecture to accompany me, researching everything else for our day to day living (internet plans, electricity and water plans, printer to buy etc) ...

Thank you my dear and if I forget to let you know often enough...

I Love you :)

A Day to St.Kilda's Beach

 

waiting for the tram at Southbank

 

 

Luna Park

 

 

Same God

Here's a post which I wrote on 28th August 2007 (That's like 6 years ago?!) in my ex-CG blog, which was titled: The Usual, with Something Different."

This is the tagline from the latest advertisment by KFC to promote their New Surf & Turf meal. Ever find yourself feeling this way before? Wanting to try something new yet retaining the sense of familiarity. I certainly do. Indeed human beings are interesting creatures who love to trace back to their past and oftentimes, relishing in these fond memories with feelings of nostalgia. I remember the first time I started work. I was filled with great anticipation and excitement on what was to come and tried to prepare myself to the best that I could. The first time I sang on stage in church. I was so nervous and felt very self-conscious yet very glad and joyful in my heart. Of course, there were the unpleasant first-times when you just feel like you wished it never happened. There was the first time I failed 5 subjects for my exams and the first time I sang out of tune in the KTV and was laughed by my cousin. The feeling of failure that comes with such experiences are overwhelming and damages one's self-esteem. However, unwelcoming as such experiences are, I cannot deny that they are part of what makes me grow as a person. It builds in me self-awareness and resilience to overcome my weaknesses. Despite knowing that every new experience has the potential to add on to me, I cannot deny the nagging fear that cripples me many a time. What if I fail? Afterall, I have failed and I certainly will not like to feel that way again. What if things does not turn out as planned? When these thoughts set in, I will think of retreating back to my safe & comfortable shell. The nice feeling of familarity is comforting as compared to the unpredictability of events. As I go on my FIRST short term missions trip to Surat Thani, Thailand; I am very excited at what is to come! There have been mixed emotions as I prepared for the trip. The initial excitement followed by fear when I heard news of occurence of flashfloods in the region we are going. Now,the feeling is one of child-like faith in God that He will protect and bless. So, here I am, saying to God, "The usual, with something different." The small still voice of God and His presence in a different land with people who are culturally different." And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose." ~ Romans 8:28

 

The good thing about keeping a blog is that you can archive your memories and thoughts over the years so that they are not lost and forgotten :)

 

This week was a pretty intensive week with lessons kicking in, tons of readings to be done and a foreign classroom culture to embrace. It makes me realise how weak I can be and how small I can feel in a completely new environment which shouts out how different I am from the rest. How can I compete with the others when I don't even feel that we are at the same starting point? Helplessness sets in when you are faced with frowns from others not understanding your accent or rather, lack of accent. The bombshell came when I received an email today that my course's name will be changed as well as it's duration and I have to decide whether to switch course or keep to my original plan. I mean, not that it's a big deal but the changes on top of my insecurities just adds on to the anxiety I feel inside of me.

 

Same situation. Different place. Same God.

 

The Jiayan 6 years ago will encourage the Jiayan today with the same words below:

 

" The small still voice of God and His presence in a different land with people who are culturally different." And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." ~ Romans 8:28

 

 

The Morning Sunshine

Everyday I look forward to the morning sunshine shining in through the curtains.

It warms my heart and reminds me that God is always there with me to keep me safe and warm :)

A Place we call Home

Today marks the first month of our stay here in Australia! :)

I remember that in our second week here, we met with our neighbor and as we were chatting, he told us that he will be shifting next month to another apartment. When we asked him why, he shrugged and said, " you know, the place doesn't feel like home" and gave a hesitant look to see if we understood what he is referring to. Yup, nailed on. We do get the feeling from time to time especially when the house is bare and freezing COLD, the unbearable nights when we would prefer to snuggle in bed with the nice heater and watch movies from the laptop. Days and nights were cleaning, cleaning, packing, packing and then more cleaning. It felt like forever.. those days but NOW, happy and proud to create our LOVELY, COSY corner that we call our own. Let the pictures speak their thousand words:

Our kitchen with the lovely red teapot set which I simply adore at first sight :)

My study corner which I will be frequenting a lot from next week on when school reopens...

Our cosy and warm reading corner. Love the orange chair :)

Now we can finally rest in this place which we can call our home and that which feels like one :)

Going to St Kilda's later! Looking forward !

A new life, a new heart

A New Life

I am now sitting in the room with my greatest fan - my husband. He told me that he has read every single of my blog posts and judging from the number of comments he has made, I believe him :) Maybe that's how God has led us to be together eventually and sharing this new page in our journey in life.

Looking back, it has been a whirlwind of events and all connected to one single thread which is God. From marriage to leaving my job and now in Australia fulfilling my dreams, it has been the most unimaginable yet expected outcome of my life. There's an irony is what I am saying but isn't life all about paradoxes? It's like you know in your hearts of hearts that this is where God will lead you but yet there is always this fear and doubt creeping in every now and then which leads you to question if it will really happen and it finally happens, it just feels so .... surreal. Like a dream. A hazy state of bliss.

Bought this butterfly from Tatra, the shop across the road with the big signs pasted outside, shouting "Massive sale". When I saw it, well, it was love at first sight. The yellow vibrant butterfly stared at me, urging me to purchase it and quickly enough, the shop owner, noticing my interest or simply because he desperately had to clear all his stocks soon, came over and showed me a big basketful of the same butterfly in different designs and said, "it's only $5..there are other designs you can choose from." I looked over and the basket and thought to myself, "No, the one I am holding is the best because that's what caught my eye." And here, it is lying in our new apartment with me having no inkling where it shall be placed. yet.

A new life... that's the next chapter of our lives :)

A New Heart

We went for our first service at Hope Melbourne yesterday. It was a nice cosy place with less than 100 people. I liked the mild sunlight shining into the room, creating a shadow of the windows onto the wall of the stage, it gives a nice decoration without trying too hard. The presence of God was overwhelming in the place. Though we did not know anyone else there, it almost felt so natural, like we are back home into God's arms again. The familiarity of the songs, praying in tongues together... they brought tears to me and I was trying so hard to hold back my tears. My rational mind is telling me to stop it cos it's so weird to be vulnerable in front of people I don't even know.

The song, Blessed Be Your Name was played.

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

I felt this strong sense of emotions within me, something that is bursting out to shout out praises to God. It was only later during the holy communion that I realised that this song was specifically chosen because a brother has just passed away this week due to drug overdose. His phone was placed on the floor in the front and there was a candle next to it. Suddenly, there was a solemnness that filled the place and the sister seated next to me was quietly tearing. I thank God for the chance to participate in this moment of grief with the congregation. The pastor shared that Tony (the guy who died) is now with our father in heaven and that is something to be glad about. It takes the physical death of someone close to remind us of a simple truth. My heart was moved.

The message was on having a new heart from Ezekiel. I prayed that God will give me a new heart for him, freshness in my relationship with him. Pastor Matthew shared that the things we do changes when we do them with a new heart and I realised at that instant just how true this is. Our emotions can sometimes hinder us from seeing the truth. We need to fight that. I love the analogy of the man with the old mindset is like a man trapped in a cave and the door is closed and he bangs on the door of the cave asking to be set free.

When we find a way out of the cave, we will have a new heart and we will be free. There is no hard and fast rule. It just takes a willing heart to be surrendered to our Highest.