Remember the gift :)

So cute :P

It was a bad day at work with the disappointments which came one after another. At the end of the day, feeling defeated and tired, I saw the mother with her 3 children on their way back home. Usually I would enjoy chatting with her but today, part of me just wished that they haven't seen me but it was not to be. As I walked out from the side gate, the youngest girl ran to me, looking like she wants to hug me. I was pleasantly surprised by her friendliness then...I realised that she was looking at the half-eaten chocolate in my hands and putting on her sweetest smile, she stared at it longingly and said in the sweetest voice, "Jie jie Jasmine" Yup, my heart melted :) her mother's voice in the background, "you already eat 2 chocolate just now, cannot". Then her brother say, "I want leh" and her eldest brother said, "Not fair!" haha, of cos I din give them any but I gave them each a sweet (the sweet which Trac says is very nice) and their faces lighted up.

The mum had her hands full with her 2 kids so I volunteered to hold the hands of the son and the other kids were so funny. They kept turning back to look at us and grinning at their brother. In the end, we took the same bus together and the girl wanted to sit at the back with me while her mother and brothers sat in front. We played with the pathetic few games in my handphone but we had a lot of fun just sitting there and playing the memory game, guess which ball is highest , counting, minesweeper. Each time she laughs, she will look up at me and smile.

I really enjoyed the time together and when I was leaving, she asked for a sweet. I brought her to the front to join with her mother and brothers and she kept looking behind at me and make funny faces. It was almost like she was enjoying something special that her brothers could not share and there was this smug look on her face while her brothers kept saying not fair cos she ate 2 sweets and they lightly hit the sister, saying that they are doing that on the mother's behalf haha...Before I left the bus, the girl came up to me, gave a huge smile and put something in my hand - the used sweet wrapper. I took it - with a smile on my face and one in my heart as well :)

A 40-minute bus journey but it reminded me why I was working here. It was a gift from God, a gift He has meant for me to enjoy but I have missed the point in my short-sightedness. I remembered how I felt that it was not a chore at all to interact with the kids and it caused me to want to work with children and till now, the softness towards them remains. I know that I will have children, no matter what. If I don't get married, I will definitely adopt a child and bring him/her up. Thank goodness for the new MCYS guideline that even singles can adopt a child now, though the age gap has to be at least 7 years.

Happiness

I feel xing fu today when I came home for dinner and found that my mum had left a fish for me (what I like) and bought strawberries (what I like too). At first I didn't feel much but when the maid kept saying, "Mdm say the whole fish is for you, mdm ask you to eat the whole fish." Somehow, the feeling of care my mum has for me was translated through what the maid said and it made me think that she had probably made it sound important enough for her to keep emphasizing. Well, my mum is not too expressive in her love and often you have to listen between the lines, she is a more acts of service person like cooking your favourite food, asking you to drink fruit juice, go and bathe instead of directly asking you how your day is or how have you been etc...So, yup, I was touched :) Cos I knew, even though it was not obvious.

I thk God for the blessings He has given me in my work, my placement, my relationships this week...I realise that they have always been there, just that I have not been appreciative of it. I realised how faithless I have been when things did not go well. I complained, I blamed, I compared and I felt negative, as though I was robbed of what I should have received after all my efforts. But God is good, His timing is always perfect and He always has the best for me, even beyond my imagination. I just have to walk in His will. Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.

My next movie :)

Your ways are higher, your thoughts greater

All the promises made

In vain conceit

Who are we to know it all

that things will be as we think

In the light of Your glory

All pales in comparison

Your ways are higher

Your thoughts greater

Blessing in disguise

I am sick today :(

Am down with a bad case of cold. Being someone who seldom catch a cold, I knew that my body system is down and I am probably falling sick. Lo and behold, on MC today cos I really can't stand it anymore but thank God for the rest too... In a way a blessing in disguise.

I told ZY and he ask me not to think of him too much cos sometimes it can be lovesick also. And I ask him how come he is not falling sick den...his reply: "Becoz God knows tht it can't be two person falling sick at the same time. It must be one is well so tht he/she can take care of the sick one" haha...I am reminded of the 2 characters in Turn left, turn right who both fell sick at the same time. I thk God for his concern and his prayer for me too, I am touched :) I thk God too for colleagues who have been caring. One of them made jelly for us and he burnt the CD for me when I said that I wanna learn too. So nice. Another pass me a whole big pack of issue cos I was sneezing away. I was like, "Are u sure u giving me the whole thing?!" haha

It's good that I am sick and at home cos I had a long talk with my brother, though was a bit fan cos he keeps nagging about drinking water, doing exercise blah blah blah... He say he is worried about getting married cos his wife will nag at him and control his purse-strings and I told him, "You dun have to worry cos you will nag even more" lol and he said that he is that kind who will give in wholly to the person he loves when he has found the one. It was an interesting talk we had...He said that liking can turn to dislike when u see the weakness of the other person but that love is different. I told him that love can turn to hate which is even worse and he said, "only under extreme conditions lah". I managed to bring in about God's love, that it is above all. He said that God will never dissappoint or fail but He is also not tangible like a person.But I beg to differ and I said that God can be very close to our hearts.

Jie Bai

My mum and auntie was having a conversation about my uncle meeting up with a group of friends he jie2 bai4 with many years ago and considering he is now in his 60s, I do believe that must be MANY years ago. Amazing! This concept is really interesting...I told them that nowadays pple dun seem to do that anymore... My auntie continued to say that her husband will meet up with his 'brothers' on every 15th August (Chinese calendar) and those who did not turn up will owe the rest a meal.

This reminds me of what Ellson told me over msn yesterday that he has a dream which is for the NUS group to meet up every year. This year he is organising his own bday celebration again and he said that he doesn't mind haha...cos he treasures the friendships. Honestly these few friends (Ellson, KC, WZ & Robert) are indeed loyal friends who goes beyond the superficiality. I do thank God for the buddy-buddy way I can relate with them and how they know my quirks and weaknesses. When we meet, it's always like, "Ooi!" We can argue non-stop and say the darnest thing with each other and get away with it. Save for the phonecall late into the night which often begins with, "hey sister, just now when you say...I felt _____, next time can you _____". Next day we are laughing again and openly chatting about what has happened. That's the good things about guys :P

Today I asked Tracy two specific questions about something and she replied me that I know her so well twice in the sms. It brought a smile to my face cos I DO know her well and there is no doubt about that. Same goes for her :) I told her it's needless to say cos we are talking about 10 years of friendship. I thk God for this friendship which cannot be described by words alone. The many experiences, many times when we were both at our low points in life and almost crying like a baby in front of each other and the joys we shared, the silly laughter which ends and erupts almost as quickly as it ends. The confrontations we had, the super straight to the point talks we had with each other, the uncensored comments, the ability to speak about anything and everything under the sun, the freedom to be really stupid without feeling stupid in front of each other, the long and tedious and draining argument over something that does not even concern us directly. Good and bad cos the person who knows you well knows exactly what makes you tick and what makes you erupt and what triggers your hot buttons and that can be a very vulnerable position :) But love and trust has to be the foundation.

My resting place

In sickness and in health

"Our wedding was just like a show", the cab driver was telling me in a slightly exaggerated tone. I love to talk to him and listen to him cos he is so funny. He was telling me that his wedding 10 over years ago was over a period of 2 days cos the venue (non-existent now) does not have enough tables and he had to invite the male side for one day and the female side for the next day...I replied that his wife must be happy cos she can wear two different set of clothes. He gave an immediate "ya lor" and shared that his wife look beautiful in a kua and I was like, "what's a kua? Is it a cheong sam? He was insistent it was not the same den I told him his wife must have a great figure and he said "last time lah". As he shared about his wife, I can sense his love for her. How he shares fondly about their wedding, last as though it just happened yesterday and about her boss etc and how he kept saying, "Last week, my wife and I...my wife and I..." It's almost like his lingo haha...It's sweet to know that the love can be so real even after many years of being together and when each other's figure and looks have deteoriated and when the busyness of life seeps in and the many many things. The sweetness that can only come with the big C - commitment. Now, that's a big word and carries many implications plus the rewards as well. Yesterday Weizhu asked me when is my turn. Two qns he asks me all the time is when is my masters over and when I am getting married ha. Soon, I will be able to tell him, in few months time I will be free and with a masters certificate! My efforts these 2 years... For marriage, I told him jokingly that I am commitment -phobic haha. After all, it's for a lifetime and it's serious business. Every marriage begins with a beautiful story, bitterness and sweetness interweaved and the process ongoing still marriage and after. Peter and Sharon's story birthed out of an accident which proves to be God's way of bringing them together. Through the crisis, they see the commitment of each other and the sacrificial love of each other. The best formula for 2 person set on marrying each other. As the wedding vow goes, "...in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part".

Sand Art

Absolutely beautiful :)

How I wish I can do that too...

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous

"Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous." - Albert Einstein

I am someone who loves coincidences, simply because it's something beyond our control and almost divine. Out of the many possibilities, how can something just happen like that? Maybe that is why I like the show 'The Leap Years' very much, my favourite local production. I remember a particular scene when the male lead took a big sheet of paper written "OK" and stand in the middle of nowhere, agreeing to a date from Li-lin. It was a funny scene.

This week I experience 2 coincidences.

One was on Monday when I was going to NUS and Zhiyong happened to be meeting his friends at Clementi for dinner. I didn't expect to see him as we were crossing the road and I was like, "what a coincidence..." though he looked a little distant haha...

Another was today when I was supposed to meet a principal to discuss about a case and when I saw her at the gate, I was like "Oh mi gosh, I know her! She is my ex-colleague..." When she first saw me she couldn't recognise me but after a while she was like, "You grown fatter, I can't recognise you" well....what a way to reconnect. But nonetheless I thank God for the opportunity. After 4 years!

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Yesterday was an exceptionally happy day because I finally clocked my 50 sessions and completed my first placement module. 50 more to go!

As usual, I enjoyed my supervision session. He always provides me with different perspectives, challenge me in my counseling approaches, perspectives and teach me more about men in general , being a man himself :) We spoke about two of my cases in which one is a client having communication issues with her husband. Midway through our analysis, he suddenly sat up, in a slightly pushy tone and asked me, "Jasmine, what do men really want?" I was like...hmmm... thinking...1 second, 2 seconds..."Sex?" I replied. His frown told me that my answer was wrong. And he said, "That is always the last thing".

Ok, I got it. This coming from a hot-blooded, passionate and married man. I better take him for his word :)

I asked him about MPC and he told me that DISC for couples is outdated and that there are other tests in the market which are more useful such as Prepare and Enrich as well as FOCUS inventory.

I thk God for my supervisor who always inspires me, encourages me, show concern (ask me to drink red bean soup), sees my potential (he ask me to go for trainings), believes in me by telling me at the end of our session to break my bond and he will hire me immediately. I appreciate him giving me 2 hours of his time when our supervision session is only 1 hour. God, you are good :)

Happy Birthday Lennon Sim

Happy 27th Birthday Lennon Sim! :)

Cheers to 2 years of friendship...

Teamwork

As I look at the students making the props for an event, it reminds me of my student days when we would make banners together. Spraying, pasting, cutting, painting, fixing. Helping one another. One person holding the can while the other spray. One person holding the scotch tape while the other cut into pieces. A few pple holding the cloth while one person draw on it. Plus the occasional laughter and silly things such as the balloon suddenly bursting. Till late into the night and when we see the final product, the deep sense of achievement and fulfilment, like wow, we made it. It's so nice! All the efforts have not gone to waste.

It's a good feeling.

A good feeling to know that we cannot make it alone. That we need one another.

Teamwork is making things work while not feeling like it's hard work

You made it :)

I went for Daisy's gown-fitting today, my first time :) She looks pretty in the gowns, so many to choose from...It's amazing that she only took around 2 hours, that's like really fast and not counting that Dehua took 5 minutes haha. I was like, "Yea...Dehua is done" lol... and Tracy turned to me and say, "Jiayan, I bet if it's you, you will take 6 hours cos u are that kind that keep thinking and even others gives comments, you will still want to think for yourself." HEY!!! but I thank God for friends who knows me so well to say something like that to me as a matter of fact. Tracy, I still love you :) "That's so Jiayan! (haha)" I recall Meiling saying to me on Saturday too. 

I am so happy to see Dehua and Daisy tying the knot, knowing them before they liked each other, when they liked each other and were together and .... till now. The times I somehow always become their lightbulb during their dates but I enjoyed the times. I recall once when Daisy and I were sick, he got lozenges for me and cough syrup for her. When we were eating ice-cream and he passed me a tissue but wiped Daisy's mouth for her. What double standard haha. But I enjoyed those moments I could share in their happiness.

Finally! U made it! :)

Marriage is not finding someone you can live with, it's finding someone you cannot live without 

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Kit Kat Panda

So cute :)

Above ALL

I like to look at the cross against the sky...

it reminds me that God is above all things

Today, as I was taking the bus, two times I looked up and saw it. Different cross against the same sky. It brings warmth to my heart and I thank Him for reminding me of Him through little ways, even when I was not aware.  

Recapture the wonder

Tiredness is but a reflection that you have worked hard

...

Or is it just an illusion?
But at least it is a consolation,
like a pat on the back when it's much needed.

I recall what I read before, we cannot be disillusioned if we had not first been illusioned. What goes round comes round. Always is and always will be. How true but yet a paradox in itself. If we do not expect, we will not be disappointed yet if we never get disappointed we will never know what we truly want.

We need to costantly recapture the wonder...

5 more sessions to the end of 1st half. God, can u jus let it fall on my lap? I am spent.

10 things about me (Jiayan)

:) I like to walk slowly and enjoy the scenery when I am not rushing
:) I have a soft spot for small boys (esp the naughty but cute ones)
:) I love the feeling of the breeze in my face
:) When I am nervous, I start blabbering
:) I am afraid of black cats
:) I like the feeling of warm sunshine on my skin (not scorching hot)
:) I like to hear the sound of the waves and being carried by them
:) I wish to go to visit some exotic places with rich history
:) I would like to write a book on my life some day
:) I like to lie on the grass and sleep, without a care

...

Smile. And the world smiles with you :)

Such a lovely song :)

An aha moment for me when I was watching the video... An sms from Tracy:

"My photo shoot is over :) photographer says he can read ppl in 30 seconds when he photographs them and he said I'm someone who always has a smile for ppl :) I was embarrassed :)but remembered God created me because He loves me :) I am glad to be God's creation to others that he loves :) Even if all i can offer is a smile at this point in my life :)

(She has 6 smileys in her sms haha :D)

Tracy, thanks for your smile. It matters A LOT.