翅膀

用你給我的翅膀飛　我懂這不是傷悲
再高都不會累　我們都說好了

用你給我的翅膀飛　我感覺己夠安慰
烏雲也不再多　我們也不為誰掉眼淚

The hardest word to say

Today I received a second apology for this month, from another colleague. "Jasmine, I owe you an apology for that day..."

I'm quite surprised cos it's not like him to say sorry to someone. Well, it must have been a stressful time @ work and people are getting more easily irritated.

A simple word but it takes a lot of humility and courage.

A failure is an opportunity to get better

I just received my NUS alumni card yesterday...


It's the passport for me to enter the NUS Library to get the books I need for doing my assignments. I can't believe that I have been so silly, borrowing the matric card from a sister for the whole of last year. It was inconvenient, not only for me but also for her haha. All the times she had to stay back to pass the card to me, when I could have just gotten an Alumni card. Yep. I guess that's the consequence of not using my brain when doing things. Well, at least it struck me now. Still one more year to go so not too late after all :)

Sometimes, we fail the first time so that we can learn from it & do better the next time.
Something I said to myself before last year. I wonder when is the next time I'll say this again :)

I am going for my orientation at Tampines FSC today. Something to look forward, it's will be the beginning to many beginnings. Somehow, my heart is not feeling as excited as it should be. It's feeling a bit heavy even. Maybe it's a seasonal thing and will pass as soon as it comes. I don't know. For now, I am just going with the waves. 

Couple counseling

The new year has barely began and I already feel like I've been on to many things ...The 2 weekends of lessons, interviews, readings, celebrations, cgs and work has been a recurring theme in all of this. I feel like I am having an "affair" with my work and studies haha...Maybe my mind is filled with this word so much so that it keeps getting to me.

The weekend that passed has been a challenging one as we did our couple counseling (first time for some of us). I felt like I was in a 'hot-box', with the tension as thick as fog and emotions flaring at some points in the session. There was the occassional outbursts and the uncomfortably long silences to deal with. It was not an easy task to sit between two hurt people, trying to help them resolve their issues. I was desperately trying not to be pulled in to any sides.

Out of the 3 couple issues presented, 2 of them were EMA (Extra Marital Affairs). A tricky situation to handle. It was the ambiguity hanging in the room that makes it unbearable. So, is she really having an affair? Both the therapist and other spouse are thinking. Everyone is just waiting for it to be disclosed and yet, we fear that which comes with the disclosure. When it finally did, that was the clearing up stage. To deal with the crisis and whether there was a common ground for reconciliation.

Couple counseling is amazing, to say the least. I am seriously beginning to appreciate the dynamics involved and the 1001 things that are going on during periods of silence. The "look", the folding of the arms, the tapping of the hand. They are all means to communicate something. Sometimes, the unspoken makes up for what is not said.

上進心

My mum has just returned from Hongkong yesterday...she says that she does not really like it there and it's pretty boring. She said that she would like to go to China with a tour and I told her that this year is out becos of my studies but next year I will bring her. And she says that I have to start saving up...I told her I am also saving the money for my driving lessons come next year. She said to me, " 這樣很好。你有上進心﹐不會一天過一天。”I was quite surprised she said that haha, I thought 我一向都有上進心。Maybe she feels that my work as a social worker doesn't pay much and will not have good prospects. Well, I am secure in it becos I know that it's a choice that I have made and not because I have nowhere to go. Well well, next year will be to China, though I told her that the food may not be clean blah blah but she said that there are very nice places there :) I told her that I am scared to drive and she was shocked again. She said to me, " 你哪里可能會怕﹐你很有膽。佩珍(my sis)這麼沒有膽都學會﹐你可以的。”She related an incident when I was small and I took the token from her at an amusement park and went to play at the rides myself. She said they were looking for me and finally found me in one of the rides (the round and round kind which brings you higher and higher). She said that I did not look afraid at all. As I think back, I am not sure if I was daring or simply becos I was detached. haha...I guess I can be a pretty independent (or individualistic) person. I really enjoyed the talk with her about her parents and her living condition when she was growing up. It is indeed not easy, her having to travel long distances to carry the buckets of water for the family. At that moment, I felt that she is really very strong and I told her that. I can never do what she did. And I cannot imagine myself surviving such conditions. This generation is really deteriorating, we are becoming more consumeristic and taking things for granted. Sometimes it is only when we are in lack that we truly develop the important qualities such as resilience and contentment.

(my mum and sis)

Excellence is a habit

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle

I saw this quote as I was waiting at the police station with 2 girls, for their statements to be taken. What a lovely quote and how true it is.
 
Work has been busy and the stress of studies setting in real fast. The many thoughts does not stop coming but just in a mess, requiring some restructuring. I am very afraid that before I know it, I may not even know what I have become in the midst of the doing. I am afraid of losing myself (sounds like something I have said so many times) ...
 
God, bring me back to the focal point. I need to start reviewing my timelines so that I know what I am working for, instead of just what I am working on...

Tips on photography

Tips on Photography (Pep Bonet, http://www.pepbonet.com/)

Strong photos come from living the experience and being able to capture the emotions.


Experience the Photo First
Behind every picture there is a story. What makes the story good is a great photo. A great photo comes from experiencing the moment.

To truly experience the moment, take a photo with fresh eyes. As a photographer you should look for a new approach, a new way to capture the image. If you read too much about an event or location when you photograph you may subconsciously be photographing someone else’s story. The best pictures will come from your experience with the situation.

I buy a plane ticket, maybe check the weather. I don’t like to research or know too much about what is going on. I want the photos to represent what I am feeling when I am there. Not a preconceived notion of what I read before going
 
Hard Work
Just about every person has a camera these days. Many people can take snapshots but it takes hard work to capture great photos. Take lots of photos, digital cameras make it easy to
Impactful photos are created through knowing the technical aspects of your camera as well as be involved with what is happening in the photo. You have to be dedicated and motivated by what you are photographing to create the great photo. Have a passion for the subject matter.

Be committed, motivated, self-disciplined and have a clear objective. Focus on what you want to do and a have a vision of what you want
 
Feelings & Emotions
The best photographers have personal views on the subject manner. You feel for your subject a lot, the subject matters. Be passionate about what you are photographing. The story will come through when you know the subject.

The less I know about what is going to be photographed the better. I need to feel every little emotion, experience it first hand, live it in the first person - - and only then can it be captured in a photograph.

Power of Suggestion

A photo should intrigue a viewer; leave something out for the viewer to interrupt. A viewer should be able to write their own story about the photo.

A Signature of Your Own

By capturing photos different from everyone else you will start to build your style of photography. This will become your signature.

Talk to the Locals

As a photographer who travels to countries in turmoil I have learned to work with different groups of people to get to where I need to be. While in Somalia I worked closely with the Doctors without Borders - I learned many things from them. I was able to see their perspective. But I also learned there are times when I needed to see other perspectives as well, at that time I moved on to meet others.

Locals can help you access the places you didn’t know you wanted to be in. Build relationships with people in the area you are photographing, they will show you the amazing places to capture that you may not find through research.

Taking Risks

Photography is about taking risks. Risks add to the uniqueness of the image, it helps keep it from being boring. Go to places where you may not be welcomed, if your heart is pure and you are honest with people you will come away with an amazing photo.

A recent risk I took involves the band Motorhead. I have always wanted to photograph them. After a little persuasion and photographing for free I was able to tour with them for two months across Europe. The next time they toured I was able to go with them – and be paid my expenses, hotels, flights, food etc…..! Believe in your dreams; take the risks to live them.

It’s all in a Word

When going on a photography journey it is helpful to have a theme in mind. A theme can be as simple as a single word– Faith. When I began my journey to create a series for the World Press Photo Master Class I went to Sierra Leone with a word “Faith” in the back of his mind. That is what I knew I wanted to photograph. The result was a series of photographs of the amputees’ football league.

Make Mistakes

When you make mistakes, learn from them. Learn how to correct the mistakes. One way to do this is to ask for feedback on your photos. Do not be afraid to show off your photos.
 

My advice for those interested in pursuing photography:

Let people know what you are doing
Have a passion for what you are photographing
It’s not who you are, it’s not who you know – It is who knows you.

About Pep:

Pep Bonet is an award-winning photographer who has traveled the world capturing profound moments for assignments, clients and NGOs.

Up and coming

ExCITED !!!

爱情字典

这或许是我在很久以后第一次用中文来表达自己，感觉非常的默生但又亲切。我想我好像渐渐的记起当时写作文的心情，就像现在这样一字一字的写着。还是一样的困难，不知道字写的对还是不对。一句简单的言语反佛韵用我一世纪的时间。我并没有夸张，是真的！

昨天我们一群人去爱情海支持慧琪第一次在那里表演。当我看着她这么深情的唱着歌，我可以感受那歌声背后的心情。因为只有一个承经被感动，受到伤害而对自己诚实的人才能唱出那种味道。我可以想像她有一天也能这样站在台上赞美主。

那将会是很美丽的一个画面。

----------------------------------------------

这是一首我蛮喜欢的中文歌曲：爱情字典

我已經學會 愛情的語言  
可是卻失去 你我的世界
愛是一條曲折的線 將你我帶往兩邊 
分開的兩個人 怎么都不能回到起點

在愛情字典里找不到永远
我們越走越遠 兩個世界
新的感覺也許偶而會出現
怎么沒有了你 都不對

陌生的城市 生活的考驗
最近的天空 多半是雨天
因為愛情輸給時間 所以要自己体驗
不管淚水多咸 有一天我會告別從前

在愛情字典里找不到永遠
等到哭紅雙眼 我才發現
愛情有一條看不見的界線
我們都過不了 那條線 到另一邊

A convert

I am a convert, for assorted cereal and grains.

I was eating my sweets happily during the breaks in between classes when a coursemate said to me in her strong american accent, " That's crap." I was like, "What crap?" She pointed to the sweets and said, That, that's crap! What you are eating." I look at the cashew nuts, almond and grapes she had placed in her plastic container and instantly understood. Another two classmates came over and tried to convince me that I should change my diet. "Ya, you know...these nuts gives you sustained energy for the day but the sweets just gives you short bursts of energy."

Ok, I am convinced. Right after class, I headed to the nearerst cold storage and got myself a packet of assorted cereal and grains to munch on during work.

I hope it last :P (cos I really dislike the smell...yucks)

What's behind the curtain?

Do you sometimes think to yourself, "What's behind the curtain?"

Like Little Lucy in The Chronicles of Narnia, what lies behind the door of the wardrobe presents a world beyond her imagination. Don't we often experience the same kind of anticipation and anxiety as we stand there...a little hopeful, a little unsure, a little scared even. When was the first time we made a decision for ourselves which brings us to the next step in our lives? Our choice of schools to enter, the CCA we choose to join, our group of friends, the religion we have and it goes on.

The first time I chose to go to the secondary school I was in, it was simply because my brother is studying there so there was someone I knew. A simple decision without much thought which land me 4 years in the school. The decision to make social work my major in university. I wanted to do psychology but was not successful in balloting for any psychology modules for one year. When I filed an appeal, I was rejected. I went on to do social work as a career for the next 4 years preceding my tertiary education.

Standing here, yet in front of the curtain once again, I wonder to myself, "What is behind the curtain?" What is my best fit in the social work arena? Am I cut out to be a clinician. a trainer, management or what? What is my specialisation going to be? To work with children, youth. families, couples, elderly, the mentally ill, special needs or what? Another decision awaits me and it does not get easier. Is this a sign of moving on to adulthood?

13/01/10 (my journal)
I always believe that the growing up process is a bittersweet one. Bitter but yet sweet, sweet but yet bitter. I pity the person who does not know its taste. You feel you are you and yet, you are not you. It's a strange feeling which cannot be explained. Maybe it does not need any explanation at all. Like how the character in Avatar probably feels when he is in a dfferent skin. He is still him but yet, he is not him anymore. What he sees and feels becomes so different but yet, there is a part of him which remains. The essence of a person, when he is left with nothing at all, how do you recognise him? Some people call it "the feel". I can feel that it's him. It's something about the way he talks, it's his voice or something, which they quite often pinpoint, that helps them to recognise someone from a distance...

Just for laughs

My first lesson of 2010 tonight and these cartoons really perked me up wahahaha. Enjoy the good laugh :)

(I really like the popcorn one haha)

stepping stone

My colleague is leaving on 5th February, the day I am on leave to go to Bali. So, how am I feeling? I am feeling fine, it has been part and parcel of working here. People come and go so often that I am used to it. More than 10 in the span of 3 years+ here, I think that's a record! I used to think long long ago when I was much younger that when a person starts work somewhere, he/she usually stays on for good. "For good", I mean 5 years, 10 years or even till their retirement. Well, at least it was that way for the people around me.


Things have changed much and people view their jobs as stepping stones to somewhere better and closer to their goals. A job is no longer an end in itself but rather, a means to an end. I realised that when I was in university, deliberating the career options I have. The word "temporary workforce" is not a foreign word to me, I have accepted this is how the trend was going to be.


Still, I marvel that I am and will be working in a same place for at least 7 years of my twenties. Perhaps I am a gen-x at heart or perhaps I have found a place I can feel at home in, that I can contribute and grow and derive satisfaction. Ha, bringing things to perspective, it might be too early to say cos afterall, this is only my second job and I am only halfway through the 7-year mark. I can only say I hope that when I reach my 30s, I will be somewhere else.


This shall be my stepping stone, just that I chose to stay on it longer before I move on. While the pasture is not necessarily greener on the other side but rather, where you water it, I believe that this will not be the final stop :)

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
(Hebrews 11:1)

Conflict management 101 :)

There is this strangely funny way in how boys resolve their conflicts which I still find it hard to comprehend. Well, at least it works for them and perhaps there were a lot of underlying currents or "rules" that I failed to notice. As fast as it happened, it fizzled off equally fast too. I was like, "oh ok, you mean you are best friends now?" well....ok.... :P

My new boy came up to me crying, saying that two other boys had kicked him and scolded him. He looked so upset that I went down with him immediately to resolve the matter. Sitting there were two angry-looking boys perspiring and ready to pounce. Very quickly, the shouting match started. "He scold my mother, you think I am happy?" "No, he irritate me first." and so it went on. Took me quite a while to get them to talk, turn by turn and in normal volume.

AfterI scolded each of them separately, they were still not too happy though quietly accepting the reprimand. Then came the response from one of the boys, "But I still want to play soccer, I don't want to leave soccer." The other two boys quickly replied that he cannot join. I said, " He has to join because I asked him to join. I gave him a goal to lose weight before he leaves this Home." At that instant, one of the boys walked over and shook his hand and hugged him. The other boy followed suit. All smiles, anger diffused. The boy placed a hand over the new boy and said, "Come, I bring you to play" and they walked off happily.

Boys :)

Let My Words Be Few

Shelf Life

Shelf Life
The length of time a material may be stored without deterioration; the length of time it remains usable.

Simply put how much time you have left on the shelf before you expire and are being discarded. It used to sound like a pretty harsh word to me. One that deals you with a blow in the face when you are being told your time is up, pack your bags and go.

But I don't want to go

I want to stay ...     

Sorry you have to go

Your shelf life is over (FULL STOP)

 What is the shelf life of nail poilish?
12 months
 
What is the shelf life of eggs?
3-5 weeks
 
What is the shelf life of rice?
2 years +
 
What is the shelf life of a working adult?
???
 
I say it's about the attitude towards what you are doing. A good attitude and hard work can compensate for the so-call limiting factor known as old age which all living things face at some point in their life span. All other things remaining constant, this is one thing that will keep increasing as the years go by (there is no need to keep track of it :P)
 
To increase your shelf life is not to pretend that age is not catching up on you but it is to leverage on your experience and wisdom (which often comes with age) and other strengths you have. Thereby, comes the term aging gracefully. As I look at my colleague... a man in his 50s coming to 60, he is a good example of what it means to age gracefully. He is diligent in his work and treats other with respect and generosity. In a week's time, he will be taking his Bachelor in Social Work. Many may say, "At this age??" I say, "Why not?" There is no rules to this thing. You start to pursue your dreams whenever you know what it is.
 

 

Shelf Life

It's not about how much time you have left,

it's about how long you can make it last.

Grace

As I sat there reflecting on the week that has passed, the word GRACE came to my mind.

God has been very gracious to me. To receive grace is when we receive what we do not deserve. He shows me that He loves me when I was at my weakest, when I had negative thoughts and when I was so tempted to take the easy way out.

On Wednesday, I made a terrible mistake at work.I noted the wrong timing for my child's medical appointment. Supposedly at 9am, I told the nurse it's 1015am. It didn't help that I was late and was not able to help to postpone the appointment.They waited for me at the office and I was feeling super guilty as the next available appointment would be in March. However,as I was travelling to work, the psychologist called me on my hp and asked me why the child was not there yet. I said, "I am sorry, I made a terrible mistake! I noted down the wrong timing." She replied, "It's all right, you can just bring him in at 1015 or 1030, I have no other appointments the entire morning." Phew, I was so grateful! God's help always arrives at the right timing.

My colleague has been giving me the cold shoulders for the past few days. He was unhappy because he had wanted me to apply for school transport for a child as it inconveniences him to send him to school. Though I have been trying my best to liase with the school and the mother, things are not moving due to some factors. He has not been exactly cool about it and acted out by treating the child very roughly, leading to complaints from the school. To give in or not to. If I give in, he will think that he is right to behave in this way but to not give in will lead to a strain in our interaction.

19th January 2010: This morning my colleague came to my desk and said, "Jasmine, can I talk to you?" I was prepared in my heart. It was kind of tense and he started to say very awkwardly about the few weeks that has passed and that he was being very childish. Honestly I was shocked he used that word on himself. A part of me felt like crying, probably cos of the tension it has built up for quite a while. I shared with him how I felt when he was venting his frustrations at me and he shared with me his feeling of frustration. It was good to clarify things and I am glad that I held on to my stand. I told him that I definitely understand and treat what he is saying as important and that in fact, I went on to solve the issue right after he told me. However, it was the way he spoke to me which I found unprofessional and not acceptable. He just said, "This is me, you know I am like that." Well, I wasn't really buying it but I knew it was not the time to bring that up so I left things as that. This is good enough for me at this point :)

I am reminded of what I read in a book, that we can forgive someone when the ability to love is greater than the need to be right. At this moment, I guess the latter is still stronger but I am praying for God's grace to be upon me. For the opportune time to come when He will intervene in His divine ways. Once again.

God, I need your wisdom and strength...

You can, because He can

You Can, Because He Can
"I know that You can do everything, And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You." (Job 42:2 NKJV)

You can ask the Lord
because He will not give you a wrong answer.

You can wait upon the Lord
because His timing is always perfect.

You can trust in the Lord
because He makes no mistakes.

You can hope in the Lord
because He holds your future.

You can rest in the Lord
because He is in control of your life.

You can lean upon the Lord
because He is completely faithful.

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Listen with your heart

It's FRIDAY!!!

DesiComments.com | Friday | Forward this Picture

So cute heh heh heh

Do I understand myself?

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Funny quotes...

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My $100

Thanks for the $100 gift, it means a lot to me :)

I feel like a child again...

Bali Trip

My leave just got approved today...

Bali trip, here we come.

My second trip with June ('@')

We had our first discussion tonight, I am so excited and the lodging looks so nice!!! The scenery is just breathtaking. I look forward to the sunrise at the paddi fields, the sunset at Tanah Lot, the temple on the rock, the water rafting, the kuta beach, the spa, the balinese painting and so, so much more.

Counting down: 30 more days :)

Where we are staying..whoppeeeeeee

2009 at a glance

This few days of work feels like a few weeks of workload! Phew, I'm glad it's coming to an end in 2 days time. Though not very prepared yesterday, we had our first CG of the year and yes, we had full strength! (With Huiqi aka Karen) joining us for the first time :) and we forgot to welcome her...I guess we are just too comfortable with having her around heh

Sharing of past year reflections and happenings...it was a fun and also funny time of knowing what each other have been up to for the entire year. We found out that a person can actually grow 1 cm taller when he reaches his late 20s. Well well... no harm having some wild imagination. Afterall, the year had been beyond imagination for some anyway :) Unexpected events that took place, for good or for bad. Yet we choose to love in both good and bad times. Not one is better than the other :) In the midst of the activities, we sometimes find ourselves get caught in the mechanical side of life. However, the robot experiences some help from above. Behind the lens of 2009, we found ourselves taking on new experiences, forming new friendships and more. It was indeed a re-discovery of who we are and to be. In a flash, we are in 2010, awaiting a new year of surprises and memories. The greatest conqueror in 2009, we look forward to a greater conquest to come. Yet again :) May it be another 365 days of blessings

Simple place
Simple people
Simply joy

One-stop shopping

The vending machine - The wonderful replacement of the sleepy provision shop uncle who probably returns the wrong loose change once in a while. A great creation to save us the trouble of guessing the amount of the drinks (which varies for different shops) or the hassle of having to retrieve the drink from the fridge ourselves. Or even risk our queue being cut by a lady carrying a baby in her arms and another toddler by the hand. Best of all, it functions 24/7! As long as you have some spare change in your wallet, there you go.

Well, that's when the problem all begins...

You walk to the vending machine, choose the drink you want and the coin doesn't get in. The helplessness soon turns into irritation and anger as there is simply no way to ask back for the change. Yup, eventually you just have to accept the fact that you are being Short-changed. You hit the machine, you bang it, hoping that your coins will come out and it just doesn't. There goes your drink, and your money. And you are back to square one. You head towards the provision shop to get your drink from the provision shop uncle who may sometimes be blur but well, at least he gives you what you want :)

Lord, you never fail to deliver or tell us to go elsewhere. You are like one-stop shopping. You provide everything we need.

Do we?

I wonder how Adam and Eve felt when they were walking in the garden of Eden...

It must have been a liberating feeling, one of complete amazement and awe of God's creation. "Hey, this is what my God has made... this garden, these animals!" They must have been thinking. "This is MY God!" They would have proudly exclaimed.

I can imagine that...

Fast forward the scene and we are in 2010 Singapore.

The future "Adams" and "Eves" walking down the streets of Singapore.

Imperfection surrounds but still a perfect God we have.

  Do we feel what they feel?

Do we see what they see?

     Do we think what they think?

                Do we proclaim what they proclaim?

Reckless abandonment

Reckless Abandonment How does it feel like?

The race has began. Keep going!

Work is catching up on me real fast...

         Hang on...

I am running doubly fast!!!

2010 - See what others cannot see, feel the invisible

Last year's countdown was spent at East Coast Park. Cycling, card games, stingrays, baileys, water bombs, sprays and tents.

This year's countdown is at Peninsular Excelsior hotel. Board games, pizza, guitaring, singing, "nobody dance", fireworks at Padang, sprays and citadels.

2010 marks a new beginning and definitely a great ending...cos I would have gotten my masters by then. Also, there are the many weddings of good friends... Looking through my past year resolutions, I think I only met one of them perfectly. The rest are all like..."Next year??" haha..nah, I'm not gonna set the same resolutions. The past shall remain as the past. Afterall, it's a NEW year. Finally packed all my stuff, I am feeling a great sense of achievement, been wanting to do that for a long, long time. Not my resolution but more of like a must-do in desperate times (when u just can't stand the sight of the piles on your desk...yup, that's the time!) 

I am kinda excited about what the year is going to bring. Venturing into the known and unknown, I look forward to growth. A year of new experiences and dreams coming true. I watched "Seabiscuit" (Shu's present for me) and was truly inspired by the never say die spirit of the horse and the jockey. Sometimes, "the gift" gets forgotten along the way as we run into the wall too many times. Beaten and ego totally bruised, the willpower and faith depletes to zero. It takes someone who truly believes and feels for the lost to breathe new life into their dreams. Someone who can see the gift in someone when no one else (not even themselves) can. An unpolished gem waiting to shine.

"Sometimes when the little guy doesn’t know he's the little guy he can do great big things"

(Quote from Seabiscuit)

I am officially 26!

Yes, I am officially 26... Happy birthday to me :) :) :) 4 more years to the big 3!