I am never tired of hearing people share about how their hearts have been touched or what they have been pondering about cos it gives me a glimpse into another, in a deeper measure :) I feel that I can almost understand what that person is going. All that which makes up that person to cause him/ her to have such a thought or experience something deeply. Probably that's why I am suited for this job.
This morning I was a little worried about myself. Worried that my small heart will overtake me. But I thank God that it didn't happen and I was able to embrace it with a genuine smile coming from my heart. It must have been God :)
This sharing really struck a chord in me:
Unless you are happy with yourself, you won't be happy with what you do
Unless you are happy with yourself, you won't be happy with where you are
Unless you are happy with yourself, you won't be happy with who you are with
Unless you are happy with yourself, you won't be happy with what you have
I am happy because I have God
A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love.
Freshness
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
There is always two sides to a coin
Wondering why it keeps raining...the thought of wanting to go cycling thrown out of the window.
Today the instructor was very funny, he asked me, "ni zao dao ni de bai ma wang zi le ma?" haha, turns out he wants to intro his son to me. I learnt how to do a U-turn a few more times today, needs to be more familiarised though. Hoping to book my practical test on 2nd April. Was quite scared when I was driving at the narrow road with the lorry in front of me. I am still ay 40km/hr...when can I successfully go on the road on my own?
Has been an emotional time and still is... I just pray that God will lift me out of this in due time...prob coupled with PMS as well. Well...hoping this will end soon. In His timing. I need to be reminded that this is just a part of my life, though my passion and that I have invested much in it, it's still a part of my life. I can overcome it.
I did a silly thing, submitting entries on love to the newspaper contest. Fun and I do hope I can be one of the 50 entries. Looking forward to the announcement of results on 11th Feb :)
Everytime I ask June how her day is, she will ask me not to ask her so often cos her answer will be "normal" or "it's ok" and she will comment that something always seems to happen everyday in my life. I wonder whether such a 'happening' life is good cos it's pretty tiring. I feel in touch and engaged but also tired sometimes. It's like on and on and on. Two sides to a coin :)
Today the instructor was very funny, he asked me, "ni zao dao ni de bai ma wang zi le ma?" haha, turns out he wants to intro his son to me. I learnt how to do a U-turn a few more times today, needs to be more familiarised though. Hoping to book my practical test on 2nd April. Was quite scared when I was driving at the narrow road with the lorry in front of me. I am still ay 40km/hr...when can I successfully go on the road on my own?
Has been an emotional time and still is... I just pray that God will lift me out of this in due time...prob coupled with PMS as well. Well...hoping this will end soon. In His timing. I need to be reminded that this is just a part of my life, though my passion and that I have invested much in it, it's still a part of my life. I can overcome it.
I did a silly thing, submitting entries on love to the newspaper contest. Fun and I do hope I can be one of the 50 entries. Looking forward to the announcement of results on 11th Feb :)
Everytime I ask June how her day is, she will ask me not to ask her so often cos her answer will be "normal" or "it's ok" and she will comment that something always seems to happen everyday in my life. I wonder whether such a 'happening' life is good cos it's pretty tiring. I feel in touch and engaged but also tired sometimes. It's like on and on and on. Two sides to a coin :)
It's ok
Being human requires us to first acknowledge we cannot and will not be able to handle everything. But when is the point when it becomes an excuse to run away from responsibilities or difficult emotions? Beats me. Perhaps it's when u realize that u never get anywhere near those things that upset u anymore or when u get paralysed when faced with it. Blocking is a coping mechanism n it helps make the pain manageable till the healing takes place.
The never ending process... Not rushing it but not sidestepping it. I need to learn to hide my emotions better.
The never ending process... Not rushing it but not sidestepping it. I need to learn to hide my emotions better.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
My fat cat :)
Happily eating my chocolate :)
I think it's really true that chocolate can make you feel happy ...cos I am feeling relaxed and happy now.
It was a good meeting and now waiting to go for a meeting with a parent and I am off to driving lesson :)
...
Just now during the meeting, a houseparent said that she asked the children what their fav animals are.
One boy said, " I want to be the lion because he is the king of the jungle" Another said, "I want to be the cheetah because it can run very fast" and guess what, my fav boy said, "I want to be a cat because it's small and cute".
So cute :) No wonder I love him so much.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Comfort Zone
Comfort Zone - what does it really mean when they said it?
Is it about not having to meet up regularly and just knowing about one another on a superficial basis? Just comfortable with not having to be with the other even though he or she was going through shit but yet, satisfied knowing that he/ she is there and that you know you belong somewhere? Is it when there is nobody to challenge you to die die have to come for CG or push u for an answer for your spiritual life. Or is it about letting u be when u live your life the way you want to with no accountability?
Well, I rest my case.
If that's the comfort zone u are talking about, sorry, I am not all that comfotable to remain in it with you anyway. I may still be searching for direction myself but I do hope that we can all be aligned in this together, take a step back after all the mixed feelings have died down and stabilise and start taking a step back and reexamine our lives. "I feel that the CG is just bullshit. It's not really as described in the bible.... And you as the careleader stepped down, instead of finding someone to take care of the team, is gonna leave with the bf, leaving us with really no choice."
"As a leader, if you truly care about your flock of sheep, you would have asked me how I really feel and the reason why I left..."
Let's just say every line or rather every word cuts to the heart but whats new. Just letting it slowly sink in.
As the leader.
That is my identity. Whether I like it or not. Period. Let's just say if I am to remain in my comfort zone, I would have left long ago and did whatever I liked.
Is it about not having to meet up regularly and just knowing about one another on a superficial basis? Just comfortable with not having to be with the other even though he or she was going through shit but yet, satisfied knowing that he/ she is there and that you know you belong somewhere? Is it when there is nobody to challenge you to die die have to come for CG or push u for an answer for your spiritual life. Or is it about letting u be when u live your life the way you want to with no accountability?
Well, I rest my case.
If that's the comfort zone u are talking about, sorry, I am not all that comfotable to remain in it with you anyway. I may still be searching for direction myself but I do hope that we can all be aligned in this together, take a step back after all the mixed feelings have died down and stabilise and start taking a step back and reexamine our lives. "I feel that the CG is just bullshit. It's not really as described in the bible.... And you as the careleader stepped down, instead of finding someone to take care of the team, is gonna leave with the bf, leaving us with really no choice."
"As a leader, if you truly care about your flock of sheep, you would have asked me how I really feel and the reason why I left..."
Let's just say every line or rather every word cuts to the heart but whats new. Just letting it slowly sink in.
As the leader.
That is my identity. Whether I like it or not. Period. Let's just say if I am to remain in my comfort zone, I would have left long ago and did whatever I liked.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
New every morning
It's a beautiful morning :)
My sis revamped her room, painted her wall purple and going to put some wallpapers. I think that's cool, I like changes to the house.
Last day of work for me this week, another thing to be happy about. My second driving lesson tonight and looking forward to it. And yup, my eyes is no longer red :) I feel a sense of purpose at work. Plus plus :D
Times like this, you just wish that it remains that way forever. I am reminded of the song:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases
His mercies never come to an end
They are new every morning, new every morning
Great is thy faithfulness
It's amazing that while God never changes and His love remains forever, they are new every morning. The same God who manifest His love in many different forms. We will never be able to keep Him inside a box, He surprises us everytime, making life so much more worth the living and be in awe of.
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Last night my ex-colleague SMS me and told me she heard that I am attached...today another. They are dying to grill me and also to see my boyfriend. I feel that whole world (my social circle) is like super excited and wanting to see my boyfriend. My secondary friends, my ex-colleagues .... and the list goes on. Prob cos this is an area pple are excited abt or they think that I will never get attached or I am just very private about this all along. haha, but honestly it does feel kinda of pressurising to be thinking of what to share as "The story" to them. Grilling sounds like a scary word............ :(
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Smile :)
Red-eyed but cheery spirit :)
It feels like a Thursday, for obvious reasons ;)
My first time in the discipline committee today, God pls be with me!
It feels like a Thursday, for obvious reasons ;)
My first time in the discipline committee today, God pls be with me!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
In everything, I give thanks :)
Today I want to thank God for the ability to type reports fast :)
Despite the staff meeting yesterday which took half of my day, I managed to complete the minutes plus 2 five- paged reports with few amendments from my boss. Well, thank God and really thank Him! :)
I am looking forward to my leave this Friday. No special reason and not really doing anything, just wanna take a break, have an extended weekend and have some time for myself. It will be lovely I know, to NOT work on a day when everyone else is slogging away and knowing that the next two days I dun have to work as well. Whoo hoo. That gives me motivation to work hard now till then. Crossing my fingers that nothing crops up. Else everything is just perfect, according to plan.
Am wearing my vintage earrings today and feeling happy. Going to get a ring for my mother later and probably something for myself too.
Despite the staff meeting yesterday which took half of my day, I managed to complete the minutes plus 2 five- paged reports with few amendments from my boss. Well, thank God and really thank Him! :)
I am looking forward to my leave this Friday. No special reason and not really doing anything, just wanna take a break, have an extended weekend and have some time for myself. It will be lovely I know, to NOT work on a day when everyone else is slogging away and knowing that the next two days I dun have to work as well. Whoo hoo. That gives me motivation to work hard now till then. Crossing my fingers that nothing crops up. Else everything is just perfect, according to plan.
Am wearing my vintage earrings today and feeling happy. Going to get a ring for my mother later and probably something for myself too.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
I am ready
What an emotional week that has passed... Though I was not directly involved, I felt its repercussions strongly. Seriously dislike seeing pple getting all worked up over injustice, unfariness and even cry due to burnout and being trampled upon. Thank God He protected me, though there is more to come... new responsibilities, heavier workload and certainly more demands. To me, this is even more draining than all the reports we had to rush for the retreat.
I am looking forward to the many exciting things coming up...going to Taiwan in April/ late May with family and again in December. Tioman in March, STM to Cambodia in June period, Langkawi ...that's like crazy haha. So many trips, short or long. Also, there is the weddings coming up - Meiyan and Daisy. Bridesmaid for the first time and first time doing the montage. Finally not singing anymore. Feeling really released, it's like finally getting a life after the 2 years of being "trapped" by my studies. But the new portfolio I have to take on leaves me worried that I may not be so free afterall, despite all the plans in line.
Regardless, it's going to be a happy year. Thank God for all the catch-ups so far and I can't believe it's only January! Happy to be able to give more of myself, with whatever little I have.
More, more, more...I am ready :)
I am looking forward to the many exciting things coming up...going to Taiwan in April/ late May with family and again in December. Tioman in March, STM to Cambodia in June period, Langkawi ...that's like crazy haha. So many trips, short or long. Also, there is the weddings coming up - Meiyan and Daisy. Bridesmaid for the first time and first time doing the montage. Finally not singing anymore. Feeling really released, it's like finally getting a life after the 2 years of being "trapped" by my studies. But the new portfolio I have to take on leaves me worried that I may not be so free afterall, despite all the plans in line.
Regardless, it's going to be a happy year. Thank God for all the catch-ups so far and I can't believe it's only January! Happy to be able to give more of myself, with whatever little I have.
More, more, more...I am ready :)
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Like stabbing yourself on the foot
Funny how people can do something to mess up the whole equation...
Is it a matter of low EQ or simply ignorance? I wonder. Well, it's not easy to manage people that's for sure and certainly harder to keep them. Perhaps it takes more than having the title of the boss...something such as believing in the other person and seeing his/ her worth, something call 'being human'.
Well, loyalty cannot be bought, it can only be earned. Enough said. What's done was done. What's damaged was damaged. I am not sure how long the repairing process will take. I just hope all this does not affect our love for the children and our passion for this work we are doing.
:) Work ends officially. Time to meet my secondary friends...
Is it a matter of low EQ or simply ignorance? I wonder. Well, it's not easy to manage people that's for sure and certainly harder to keep them. Perhaps it takes more than having the title of the boss...something such as believing in the other person and seeing his/ her worth, something call 'being human'.
Well, loyalty cannot be bought, it can only be earned. Enough said. What's done was done. What's damaged was damaged. I am not sure how long the repairing process will take. I just hope all this does not affect our love for the children and our passion for this work we are doing.
:) Work ends officially. Time to meet my secondary friends...
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Our 7th months :)
Dearrrrest Zhiyong,
Happy 7 months anniversary :)
I came across this ecard which I think is super cute cos sometimes kids say the darnest things but yet it is very true as well... yesterday I was thinking about what I love about Zhiyong then I realised that there are many different parts of you that I love which comes at different times and gives me different feelings :)
#1 I love Zhiyong who plays the guitar and teaches me how to play
#2 I love Zhiyong who pretends it's painful when I hit him
#3 I love Zhiyong who wakes up early to watch the sunrise with me
#4 I love Zhiyong who gives me his attention when we are out together
#5 I love Zhiyong who cheers me up when I am stressed or down
#6 I love Zhiyong who wants to know my family members
#7 I love Zhiyong who calls me when I am upset and listens to me as I cry and share
#8 I love Zhiyong who says sorry to me after I told him that he has hurt me
#9 I love Zhiyong who wants to spend everyday with me
#10 I love Zhiyong who tells me he will not hold back and will give me his 100%
#11 I love Zhiyong who tells me he will be with me always
#12 I love Zhiyong who plans for our relationship
#13 I love Zhiyong who makes plans to save up for marriage
#14 I love Zhiyong with his uncombed hair and sleepy look when he wakes up
#15 I love Zhiyong who holds my hand and place it at his chest
#16 I love Zhiyong whom I can lie on him when I feel tired or sleepy
#17 I love Zhiyong who makes an effort to be honest with me about everything (I hope so :P)
#18 I love Zhiyong who brings me to nice places to eat
#19 I love Zhiyong who is shy to hold the flower that he bought for me
#20 I love Zhiyong who tells me that he likes me very much & I can see that he means it
#21 I love Zhiyong who sometimes looks at me in a very endearing way
#22 I love Zhiyong who lends me his jacket when I feel cold
#23 I love Zhiyong who offers to carry my bag when I say it's heavy
#24 I love Zhiyong who always worry I do not have enough to eat
#25 I love Zhiyong who ask me whether I will injure my hand when he holds me too tight
#26 I love Zhiyong who tells me that my hair smells nice
#27 I love Zhiyong who ask me about my day cos it shows he was thinking of me
#28 I love Zhiyong who calls me his sweetheart and tells me he loves or misses me
#29 I love Zhiyong who priortises me and puts me before other things in his life
#30 I love Zhiyong who calls me and sing me a birthday song on
Happy 7 months anniversary :)
I came across this ecard which I think is super cute cos sometimes kids say the darnest things but yet it is very true as well... yesterday I was thinking about what I love about Zhiyong then I realised that there are many different parts of you that I love which comes at different times and gives me different feelings :)
#1 I love Zhiyong who plays the guitar and teaches me how to play
#2 I love Zhiyong who pretends it's painful when I hit him
#3 I love Zhiyong who wakes up early to watch the sunrise with me
#4 I love Zhiyong who gives me his attention when we are out together
#5 I love Zhiyong who cheers me up when I am stressed or down
#6 I love Zhiyong who wants to know my family members
#7 I love Zhiyong who calls me when I am upset and listens to me as I cry and share
#8 I love Zhiyong who says sorry to me after I told him that he has hurt me
#9 I love Zhiyong who wants to spend everyday with me
#10 I love Zhiyong who tells me he will not hold back and will give me his 100%
#11 I love Zhiyong who tells me he will be with me always
#12 I love Zhiyong who plans for our relationship
#13 I love Zhiyong who makes plans to save up for marriage
#14 I love Zhiyong with his uncombed hair and sleepy look when he wakes up
#15 I love Zhiyong who holds my hand and place it at his chest
#16 I love Zhiyong whom I can lie on him when I feel tired or sleepy
#17 I love Zhiyong who makes an effort to be honest with me about everything (I hope so :P)
#18 I love Zhiyong who brings me to nice places to eat
#19 I love Zhiyong who is shy to hold the flower that he bought for me
#20 I love Zhiyong who tells me that he likes me very much & I can see that he means it
#21 I love Zhiyong who sometimes looks at me in a very endearing way
#22 I love Zhiyong who lends me his jacket when I feel cold
#23 I love Zhiyong who offers to carry my bag when I say it's heavy
#24 I love Zhiyong who always worry I do not have enough to eat
#25 I love Zhiyong who ask me whether I will injure my hand when he holds me too tight
#26 I love Zhiyong who tells me that my hair smells nice
#27 I love Zhiyong who ask me about my day cos it shows he was thinking of me
#28 I love Zhiyong who calls me his sweetheart and tells me he loves or misses me
#29 I love Zhiyong who priortises me and puts me before other things in his life
#30 I love Zhiyong who calls me and sing me a birthday song on
Ready, get set. Go!
It's raining again.. :(
Today am going for the home visit and after that, she can go home this Sunday. Yesterday when I see the taxi parked there, there was a quiet happiness within. Though feeling tired, I was glad. They are finally reunited after 12 years. This is such a testimony. God surely has his purpose and his timing :) sometimes I do not know how to respond when they thank me for my help. It's like part of me want to say, "this is my job" yet it's not entirely so and it sounds so impersonal so I say, "I m glad to be able to help too, I m sure things will get better for u" I guess it doesn't really matter to them Wat I say, it's jus them wanting to express thanks deep down from their hearts.
I know to them, words does not matter as much as actions. Afterall, experience had taught them that many times, it is easy for someone to promise the whole world but their actions never match up with it. What's new .. The heart is willing but the flesh is weak. Didn't the bible make it clear. That's why I always tell them that I will try my best and I really do cos it will be irresponsible to take lightly something which means everything to somebody.
I never want to lose this part of me.
My first driving lesson today. Thank God for the opportunity to learn driving:) pray it will go well. Thr beginning to many beginnings.
Ready, get set. Go!
Today am going for the home visit and after that, she can go home this Sunday. Yesterday when I see the taxi parked there, there was a quiet happiness within. Though feeling tired, I was glad. They are finally reunited after 12 years. This is such a testimony. God surely has his purpose and his timing :) sometimes I do not know how to respond when they thank me for my help. It's like part of me want to say, "this is my job" yet it's not entirely so and it sounds so impersonal so I say, "I m glad to be able to help too, I m sure things will get better for u" I guess it doesn't really matter to them Wat I say, it's jus them wanting to express thanks deep down from their hearts.
I know to them, words does not matter as much as actions. Afterall, experience had taught them that many times, it is easy for someone to promise the whole world but their actions never match up with it. What's new .. The heart is willing but the flesh is weak. Didn't the bible make it clear. That's why I always tell them that I will try my best and I really do cos it will be irresponsible to take lightly something which means everything to somebody.
I never want to lose this part of me.
My first driving lesson today. Thank God for the opportunity to learn driving:) pray it will go well. Thr beginning to many beginnings.
Ready, get set. Go!
Monday, January 10, 2011
work-life balance?
What a day it has been...with the SMS last night reporting of the sexualised incident and all the investigations today. I am feeling grieved inside of me by all this things that the boys are doing to one another and sometimes it's hard to imagine those innocent-looking faces are capable of that sort of mischief. Well... it must be the fruit of sin. Sadly. The sin which is passed down from generation to generation. It's like a mixed emotion for me.
Part of me needed to be firm with them and educate them that it is wrong yet there is a part that feels like embracing them cos I do feel sorry for what has happened. I chose the safer option, the one which they will appreciate better and is demanded from my role. I kept cool and I took it in matter-of-factly. Sometimes I find my job draining in a wierd way. While it involves a lot of emotions, I have to keep it all in. That's not my preference but that is what's required of me. I need to be strong for them, to be the pillar they can lean on when they feel unsafe and confused. I know I am not God but I want to be a vessel for God. To stand in the gap between the living and the dead.
I need an emotional break today. Somewhere to find rest within.
This Sat... lotsa questions, lots to explain. Not an unfamiliar feeling but this time at least I am not alone in this.
Not this time. And that, yes, that...I can take comfort in :)
Part of me needed to be firm with them and educate them that it is wrong yet there is a part that feels like embracing them cos I do feel sorry for what has happened. I chose the safer option, the one which they will appreciate better and is demanded from my role. I kept cool and I took it in matter-of-factly. Sometimes I find my job draining in a wierd way. While it involves a lot of emotions, I have to keep it all in. That's not my preference but that is what's required of me. I need to be strong for them, to be the pillar they can lean on when they feel unsafe and confused. I know I am not God but I want to be a vessel for God. To stand in the gap between the living and the dead.
I need an emotional break today. Somewhere to find rest within.
This Sat... lotsa questions, lots to explain. Not an unfamiliar feeling but this time at least I am not alone in this.
Not this time. And that, yes, that...I can take comfort in :)
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