Year End Syndrome part 2

It has come to the time of the year that sets you thinking, planning and more planning...

With just one more month to go, it will be 2010. It's like, I am looking through the long checklist in front of me and wondering to myself when the last item will be checked off the list and then...all of a sudden comes the huge realisation that more is to come. The field placement, lessons etc.

The sinking feeling sets in and yup, I am so not ready. Again. The feeling's all too familiar. I used to call it the year-end syndrome. This year, it starts even earlier. Printed out my calendar for 2010 and I accidentally the December calendar, thinking that it was redundant, only to realise there is one month to go. Haha, I am baffled by myself. It's almost like tripping over yourself.

Ok, one step at a time. No rushing, just keep going and keep believing :) But there are just so many things I want to do. Can I finish them all and still keep the main thing the main thing?

The Trust factor

Words - What do they mean?

The intent or the content, some may ask. For someone who used to focus on the content or rather the way the content was delivered, I have learnt to look more to the intent as the years pass. Not that the former is any less important but, in the context of meaningful and long-lasting relationships, TRUST is certainly an important component. Trust is built through clarifying one's intent so as to minimise miscommunication. I have to admit that it can get pretty tiring, especially among close friends (cos we take it for granted that they SHOULD know). Truth is that, no matter how well a person knows u, there is no sidestepping the need to build and restore trust. It's a variable and it is fragile. So, handle with care. Once broken, there is a price to pay. The good thing is that, overtime, when trust builds up, there is lesser need to explain ourselves or even, to defend our intentions.

2 things I have learnt along the years and still learning:

" Judge others by their intentions, not by their behavior"

"Handle others with your heart and yourself with your mind"   

As Steven Covey said in his book Speed of Trust, the 4 things to build trust are: Integrity, Intent, Capabilities and Results. Starting from the bottom, with integrity at the root of building trust. Great qualities but reflected in the little things we do on a daily basis.

Build my life around you

Three smses I received this morning which gave it the good start it deserves :) Because every day is a gift from God and as Alexis pted out to me, I then realised today's page for the CG's blessing bk goes..."Every new day your glory unfolds, thank you for..." (for those in the cg who haven been updating, it's prob time to strt doing so heh)

Hi morning sis, on ur way to work? :) I juz thought of dropping u an sms to let u know that... I've been praying for you since Sun nite...Heb 6:10 - praying tat He cont to encourage & help u.. Appreciate u, sister :) Jiayou..

I am touched that a fellow sister has been praying for me. Though we dun interact much but yet such kindness from her. "The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling."- 1 Peter 4:7-9


...I have transferred them to my mp3. Listenin to it now...Wonder what other is avail. Will check it out later. Thanks for the resources :)

I sent out some online sermons to the CG and friends yesterday, which I myself have been impacted by. A passing thought crossed my mind, will they download it? Will it be a waste of effort? Regardless, I went ahead. This is an encouragement from God to me. It reminds me of the parable of the growing seed.

Morning jiayan, my cg sam has 10 astro boy movie ticket whick will most likely close by first week of dec, he would like to pass to the kids from Hm. Pls advise if this is alright.

I am really thankful to God, how he connects my work to my community (people around me). One in heart, mind and spirit. Thanks for having the kids in your thoughts :)

One year anniversary

Happy one year anniversary to this blog! :)

Guofeng and Meiling's Wedding

Delighted :) For a dear friend is getting married... Just like her name Krystal, she is this precious gem amongst us. With a gentle spirit and caring heart, she exudes a quiet sense of confidence and poise. Looking at her photo album, we were like, "wowww..." all the way haha. I can already imagine her marching down the isle, what a lovely sight it would be. WOW!

Yesterday was the "jie mei" first meet-up and we had such great fun thinking of how to sabo the brothers haha. June, Peiqi, Peifang, Meiyan and Joanne. I would have to say that some of them are really pretty good in coming up with the ideas. Though the task is made more challenging with Robert (supposedly can eat anything) and Marcus (supposedly up to any challenge) as the brothers... we are ready! Guofeng has better start cracking his head to note down some important dates hehe

After a few minutes of discussion, we all concluded that it must be "meaningful" cos Meiling say that the games must be meaningful. After we prayed and started brainstorming, someone suddenly said, "did we pray for it to be meaningful?" and we all panic. lol

Chicks night, gatecrashing, wedding service... so exciting!!! :P

Christmas party 2009

I am looking forward to the unit Christmas party this year.

Joscelin Yeo: More than a swimmer

I was reading Joscelin Yeo's biography. An inspiring figure whom I truly admire for her dogged determination and clarity of mind under stressful conditions. Reading about her inner world and thoughts helps me to understand this iron lady, who has a soft side to her, beneath the cold, tough exterior she presents. I admire her for her laser-sharp focus, she certainly is a true believer of her values and the things she does. Someone with an extremely high level of self and other-awareness, she always observe her opponents carefully before and during the course of the race. These opponents eventually becomes her great friends for life, people who spur her on towards greater heights. One quote she likes a lot, which is one I happen to like too, "What does not kill you makes you stronger." I see how this is lived out in her life, in a great measure. At a young age, when most teens are very impressionable, she shines above the rest and takes feedback very seriously, putting them into practise which led to her victory. Also, she takes criticism very postively, is not easily offended. I would say, she has a very secure emotional base and strong mindset. It does not, then, comes as a surprise that she wakes up at 430am daily for 6 days a week to train for her competitions. Very humane but very talented and she certainly puts her talent in good use.

" It was around 1999 that I started to talk about my relationsip with God. I accepted Christ back in 1998 because I was desperate. Nothing seemed to be going right. School, swimming and life in general - all appeared to be going downhill. I also had a relationship that just went sour. Perhaps I was so depressed. There was nothing to motivate me. I slept all day, drank my sorrows away, and basically felt worthless.

It's not something I'm proud of. But there was no denying that this "queen of the pool" was human after all. I wished someone knew that. I wished someone could understand. I was sad, afraid and alone. I hung out with friends a lot. I always had to be around people. But strangely, even when I was among my closest friends, there was still a hollow feeling within me. I couldn't explain why. How could someone who seemed to have everything be so unhappy with life? Maybe I was looking in the wrong places to fill my void.

I wasn't in Singapore much. When I was home, I wanted to spend as much time I could with my brothers. I loved them dearly and missed them a lot. So when my older brother, Leonard, kept bugging me to go to church with him, I went. Somewhere deep down, I was so desperate for life to get better and brighter. There was a small voice in me that said, maybe, just maybe, I would get lucky and God would take pity on me and help me out a little. Leonard seemed truly happy. My mum too appeared happy. Maybe some of their happiness would rub off on me. But honestly, I fell asleep during the message.

But just as the pastor began the altar call, I woke up. Strangely enough, I felt a really strong compulsion to go to the front. My heart was beating fast and hard. It was pounding so hard that I felt if I didn' raise my hand, my heart was seriously going to pop out of my chest. "What if I didn't raise my hand? What if I miss this chance to turn my life around?" 

At the same time, I had some reservations. "What if people see me going up there? Am I going to have to deal with more questions about my swimming? Am I going to have to deal with people's curiosity? What if they keep pointing at me and wondering what's wrong with me?" All my life I had been haunted by this kind of stuff. I just wanted to run and hide under a blanket. But my inner pain was great. And public perception was not enough to prevent me from having my private moment with God. 

I share all this to emphasise Hope. Hope can help you get through tough times. Hope can drive you to greater heights. But Hope in the right thing is important. People put their faith in different things. For me, I found my hope in Christ. This has transformed me completely and helped me to lead a more fulfilling life. Knowing that God loves me simply for who I am, and in spite of who I am, is so liberating. Now I don't feel the need to live up to others' expectations. All this is strange, coming from someone who was a self-confessed atheist not long ago."

(Joscelin Yeo in On The Move: My Career, My Story)

Countdown

                                    My Journal                                 Date: 24/07/09

I am reminded of this song in Les Miserables, "One Day More". Why do people like to count down so much? One more day to something significant, the day of victory, of new beginnings. Explosions and earth-shaking. What really happens? After that? The hype is gone, life resumes its normality. I, for one, am someone who believes in the moments. The moments in life when something you never expect happens and you just allow it to lead you. We plan things and countdown to remind ourselves of the hope we've for something better but why can't that happen today? Why must it be 10 days later, 5 days later or what.... The tension building, excitement materialising, hope rising...Maybe that's what we all need. But why not start each day in anticipation? Becos experience tells us it'll never happen? What colour is today? Is it the same old grey or a beautiful orange, red and yellow. Or splashes of it? What to expect? Nothing else except for that appointment in the schedule book.

I am starting to have an inkling to the purpose of counting down. More than the hoping, it lets us know that reality is coming. It's not just wishful thinking or building sandcastles in the air but as the day draws nearer, we know that it's more than just a dream. Something that is so BIG and that which seems too good to be true, is actually happening. The waiting, in itself, is not passive. Rather, it's part of the process. Part of the whole deal actually. When the event comes, the preparation and anticipation will reap its fruits :)

What are you counting down to?

Running After You

Need A Break

I am tired!

It's about what God can do

"If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself.

But if you forget about yourself and look to me,

you'll find both yourself and me."

Matthew 10:39 (The Message Version)

Christmas in Orchard - My pal and I :)

Stop and smell the roses

This is the favourite part of my journey to work - The lush greenery, the houses and big trees. It's just captivating. Sometimes I alight at the bus-stop to transfer bus and while looking at the scene, my heart is filled with a peace and knowledge that God is in control of the universe. It has been a hectic few days, meetings and orientations. I realised I am no energizer bunny and yes, it drains me physcially and mentally. Tried as I could, there's no denying that age is catching up on me... boo hoo. Life's too short to dwell in self-pity. 1001 reasons to be unhappy about life but here's 10 reasons why I should love my life now :)

#1: I am on leave tomorrow!!

#2: No more assignments and lessons for this year

#3: Christmas is coming (my favourite holiday)

#4: My birthday is coming ( I am proud to be 26!)

#5: One of my best friends is getting married

#6: I am planning a trip to Taiwan next year

#7: The CG is getting closer and stronger :)

#8: Zhiyong's friend is joining the CG.

#9: There are 2 friends coming for Games day and 2 pending

#10: I am going back for an early rest tonight :)

And because He lives, I can face tomorrow, because He lives, all fears is gone and because I know, I know He holds the future and Life is worth the living just because He lives :)

Happy belated birthday, Chris :)

Thanksgiving Point #10: God - my examiner

GRADES

First Semester
Theories of Counseling - 64.8
Advanced Counseling Skills - 61.5

Second Semester
Couples and Family Therapy - 66
Developmental and Social Issues in Counseling - 62
Clinical Practice 1- 56

I just received my grades for all the assignments. I thank God for His faithfulness! Except for one module, all the others are good and most are above the average score among the batch of students. I am amazed at how He saw me through this period of time when I had to do 6 assignments in the span of 3 months, it was unbelievable. God has His plans. Times I felt so lost and ill-equipped and I came to Him with tears and helplessness daily. I thank Him for His perfect timing in all things, how I got this job after two weeks, when God impressed upon me to work with children and how He paved the way ever since. I recount the time I was disappointed with God when I was not approved to study after working for a year in the organisation. Then I realised that He was preparing me and moulding me as He knew best. I had overestimated myself.

Come 2010, I know that it's going to be more challenging than this year but I believe that God is going to make a way, as He always does. In fear and trepidation, I commit myself into your hands...

In His heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps - Proverbs 16:9

Appraisal

Appraisal on the 18th November 2009...

What a day! I was so sleepy and nervous, somehow not really prepared for the evaluation from my boss. In my journal I wrote, "It's appraisal day and I'm feeing nervous...somehow afraid of the 'words stuck in the throat' scenario or 'wish I had said more' after-effect. " Haha...Yes, I am laughing at myself.

I took a cab to work, having overslept though this is by far the most relaxing week of my year with nothing on every night except on Friday. Though no activities, it is certainly no less eventful than the other weeks. When I reached my office, I realised that I left my hp in the cab. Frantic, stressed I was. On top of the anxiety I was already feeling. The next 30 minutes was spent trying to locate the phone through calling the cab companies.

I really have to thank God (though I will not wish for such a situation), that the cab I got on was a prime cab so it was easier to locate. Lo and behold, 15 minutes before my appraisal, I got my phone back from the driver who has gone to Tuas and back. I thought to myself, God must be reminding me to trust in Him and not worry about what is going to happen. Indeed, He is in control and he allow me 15 min to catch my breath and collect my thoughts :P

Appraisal went well, better than expected. I improved in most segments and as I looked back at the 3 years working in the organisation, I would have to say that I have grown as a peron. From a person with just a foolhardy passion (constantly hitting the wall with my boss, clients and colleagues), I have now build greater rapport with my clients, boss and colleagues. Halfway more to go,  I look forward to the moulding.

Looking forward to Christmas and my birthday :)