Is this part of aging or is it just me?

There have been the bad dreams, the worries and difficulties in sleeping.

I think I need some consistency in my life. A kind of a routine that I can fall back on without having to constantly think of the next thing I need to do - be it work or personal life. People say you reap what you sow or that you get what you pay for. To a large extent, I do believe in this. That's why I believe in hard work and taking initiative. However... too much can be a killer at times. Especially in times where there are series of activities you have to particpate in. There are so many things I want to do but I am scared I cannot finish and the feeling of not being able to do them leaves me feeling helpless about it.

Perhaps the nature of my work can be quite intense at times and many times, the unexpected happens. A child blows up in front of you, a father crying in front of you, a parent screaming in the phone .... all part and parcel of my job. Sometimes it's like a love-hate relationship. I feel very alive to be experiencing raw human emotions yet it also leaves me slumped into my seat after all the "battles".

At the end of the day, I am just wishing for a nice, warm shower and soft bed to sleep in.

But then, as I lay there on the bed, images of the day comes to mind and the things that are not settled seeps in. This and that, here and there. My mind becomes so alive till it's hard to fall into sleep. Now, that's a painful feeling being unable to rest when the environment is right. I detest that.

It's like next, next, next...............and it doesn't seem to end.

I love my job :)

Hi Jasmine

Glad to note that XXX is behaving well. I must thank you for your tireless effort in helping this boy and the family. Thank you Jasmine.

Gerardine

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Wow, this really made my day! :)

Btw, XXX is my favourite boy :)

Little things which means a lot

I am skipping lunch today, in an attempt to look slimmer for the weddings to come :) My colleagues were like, "Come on la...do you need to?" Well... yes, I do haha. Gonna get my dress tmr and my hair permed next week, ALL for the sake of the weddings. yup, all the trouble for that. It's prob a girl's thing. I can almost imagine the anxiety going through all the brides-to-be, they must be like.....super stressed, making sure everything is perfect on their big day. At times like this, it must feel good to be a guy cos they have at most 2 outfits. Mayb I am being biased but that's how I really feel :)

Thinking about the couples around me...each have their own kind of sweetness, in different ways. Looking at their pictures, the things that they did for each other, their shared experiences, the happy and dreamy look they have when they share about each other. It's like no one is better than the other. It's just sweet in their own special ways.

Thank God that I managed to find an affordable restaurant which the food looks good and the ambience nice for the hen's night. Somehow, I knew God will provide cos he will want the best for Meiyan. Next up is the wedding corsages.

Many things to prepare and do.

For now, I pray for joy as I do every of these little things which means a lot.

Segregation

Segregation sometimes takes place so subtly that before you know it, it is happening to you. I guess life is as such...there always comes a point when you are either in one group or the other. There is no in-between or so it seems, though I am often an optimist in such matters. Believing in teletubbies land.

Till it leaves me face with the harsh reality...then, I am awoken from the dream.

Suddenly. Like a wave.

I tell myself ...

Perhaps this is just a seasonal thing

Perhaps it is part and parcel of life

Perhaps I have been naive all along

It's ok, Jiayan. Keep going.
God will make everything right in His timing.
He loves us too much not to.

In order to overcome your fear, you have to first learn to be comfortable with it.

Chinese New Year 2011

I feel kinda slack this CNY...jus watching TV, reading, sleeping and eating. I have almost finished the book on boundaries in dating and it gave me quite a number of insights into myself. Watched a show call 'Perfect lover' about a dog who became a human and falls in love with her owner. It reminded me of the importance of having a strong friendship in a romantic relationship. A love that is heartwarming even without sex but just purely enjoying each other's presence. As the actress said, "someone you will miss when u dun see him, u feel comfortable when u are w him and u feel warm just hugging him".

"see if that person is a person that you would like spending time with if there were no romance at all" (Boundaries in dating)

That's a tough one to answer because I experience both in the relationship, instead of one without the other and vice versa. But I think it's definitely a yes as I recall times when we spent time together without me having any thoughts abt romance at all and yes, I did enjoy spending time together :) However, I do wished that it had been a longer period and more opportunities of knowing each other at that level. Now, it's impossible to go back to then already.

We took a family potrait :)

I am amazed that we (my sis and cousin) are gg to KL tmr. It was a nice surprise for me as I can go and visit ZY and his family for the first time. I like to believe that it is God's plan in this as it certainly never came to my mind before of such a possibility. haha, i was still feeling emotional cos i thot i was not gg to see him for a while. God is good, He provided an opportunity in a way i did not expect :)

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.

Looking back, seems like it has been God's plan all along. How we came to be in the same group ... leading to us having shared experiences and opportunities to build our friendship thr a natural setting, serving together. It gives me faith when I feel God's hand is in this. For me, I will just follow.