A new life, a new heart

A New Life

I am now sitting in the room with my greatest fan - my husband. He told me that he has read every single of my blog posts and judging from the number of comments he has made, I believe him :) Maybe that's how God has led us to be together eventually and sharing this new page in our journey in life.

Looking back, it has been a whirlwind of events and all connected to one single thread which is God. From marriage to leaving my job and now in Australia fulfilling my dreams, it has been the most unimaginable yet expected outcome of my life. There's an irony is what I am saying but isn't life all about paradoxes? It's like you know in your hearts of hearts that this is where God will lead you but yet there is always this fear and doubt creeping in every now and then which leads you to question if it will really happen and it finally happens, it just feels so .... surreal. Like a dream. A hazy state of bliss.

Bought this butterfly from Tatra, the shop across the road with the big signs pasted outside, shouting "Massive sale". When I saw it, well, it was love at first sight. The yellow vibrant butterfly stared at me, urging me to purchase it and quickly enough, the shop owner, noticing my interest or simply because he desperately had to clear all his stocks soon, came over and showed me a big basketful of the same butterfly in different designs and said, "it's only $5..there are other designs you can choose from." I looked over and the basket and thought to myself, "No, the one I am holding is the best because that's what caught my eye." And here, it is lying in our new apartment with me having no inkling where it shall be placed. yet.

A new life... that's the next chapter of our lives :)

A New Heart

We went for our first service at Hope Melbourne yesterday. It was a nice cosy place with less than 100 people. I liked the mild sunlight shining into the room, creating a shadow of the windows onto the wall of the stage, it gives a nice decoration without trying too hard. The presence of God was overwhelming in the place. Though we did not know anyone else there, it almost felt so natural, like we are back home into God's arms again. The familiarity of the songs, praying in tongues together... they brought tears to me and I was trying so hard to hold back my tears. My rational mind is telling me to stop it cos it's so weird to be vulnerable in front of people I don't even know.

The song, Blessed Be Your Name was played.

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

I felt this strong sense of emotions within me, something that is bursting out to shout out praises to God. It was only later during the holy communion that I realised that this song was specifically chosen because a brother has just passed away this week due to drug overdose. His phone was placed on the floor in the front and there was a candle next to it. Suddenly, there was a solemnness that filled the place and the sister seated next to me was quietly tearing. I thank God for the chance to participate in this moment of grief with the congregation. The pastor shared that Tony (the guy who died) is now with our father in heaven and that is something to be glad about. It takes the physical death of someone close to remind us of a simple truth. My heart was moved.

The message was on having a new heart from Ezekiel. I prayed that God will give me a new heart for him, freshness in my relationship with him. Pastor Matthew shared that the things we do changes when we do them with a new heart and I realised at that instant just how true this is. Our emotions can sometimes hinder us from seeing the truth. We need to fight that. I love the analogy of the man with the old mindset is like a man trapped in a cave and the door is closed and he bangs on the door of the cave asking to be set free.

When we find a way out of the cave, we will have a new heart and we will be free. There is no hard and fast rule. It just takes a willing heart to be surrendered to our Highest.