This is the tagline from the latest advertisment by KFC to promote their New Surf & Turf meal. Ever find yourself feeling this way before? Wanting to try something new yet retaining the sense of familiarity. I certainly do. Indeed human beings are interesting creatures who love to trace back to their past and oftentimes, relishing in these fond memories with feelings of nostalgia. I remember the first time I started work. I was filled with great anticipation and excitement on what was to come and tried to prepare myself to the best that I could. The first time I sang on stage in church. I was so nervous and felt very self-conscious yet very glad and joyful in my heart. Of course, there were the unpleasant first-times when you just feel like you wished it never happened. There was the first time I failed 5 subjects for my exams and the first time I sang out of tune in the KTV and was laughed by my cousin. The feeling of failure that comes with such experiences are overwhelming and damages one's self-esteem. However, unwelcoming as such experiences are, I cannot deny that they are part of what makes me grow as a person. It builds in me self-awareness and resilience to overcome my weaknesses. Despite knowing that every new experience has the potential to add on to me, I cannot deny the nagging fear that cripples me many a time. What if I fail? Afterall, I have failed and I certainly will not like to feel that way again. What if things does not turn out as planned? When these thoughts set in, I will think of retreating back to my safe & comfortable shell. The nice feeling of familarity is comforting as compared to the unpredictability of events. As I go on my FIRST short term missions trip to Surat Thani, Thailand; I am very excited at what is to come! There have been mixed emotions as I prepared for the trip. The initial excitement followed by fear when I heard news of occurence of flashfloods in the region we are going. Now,the feeling is one of child-like faith in God that He will protect and bless. So, here I am, saying to God, "The usual, with something different." The small still voice of God and His presence in a different land with people who are culturally different." And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,who have been called according to his purpose." ~ Romans 8:28
The good thing about keeping a blog is that you can archive your memories and thoughts over the years so that they are not lost and forgotten :)
This week was a pretty intensive week with lessons kicking in, tons of readings to be done and a foreign classroom culture to embrace. It makes me realise how weak I can be and how small I can feel in a completely new environment which shouts out how different I am from the rest. How can I compete with the others when I don't even feel that we are at the same starting point? Helplessness sets in when you are faced with frowns from others not understanding your accent or rather, lack of accent. The bombshell came when I received an email today that my course's name will be changed as well as it's duration and I have to decide whether to switch course or keep to my original plan. I mean, not that it's a big deal but the changes on top of my insecurities just adds on to the anxiety I feel inside of me.
Same situation. Different place. Same God.
The Jiayan 6 years ago will encourage the Jiayan today with the same words below:
" The small still voice of God and His presence in a different land with people who are culturally different." And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." ~ Romans 8:28
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