Explain yourself

The toughest thing on earth must be to explain yourself. Now I have found one more thing that drains me...Maybe I am someone who does not like to give excuses or say things in order to make myself look better, I just find that the words does not come out right each time. It's like, er..er.. and I find myself starting to get lost in my thoughts.

Perhaps it's the fear that others will not understand what is going through me or that they couldn't care less anyway. Or maybe it's the inner dialogue going on which hinders the process. Or probably that disorganised thinking is reflected in disorganised speech. I don't know, I just know that it's not easy. It's like anything I say may sound potentially wrong but yet, not to say anything does not make it right either.

Well, I guess when the rubber meets the road, that's when the reality sets in. Is it delay or denial? Sometimes, the line is as faint as it seems. Honesty has its risk and consequences, it's safer to hide in ignorance or isolation but a lack of dishonesty is choosing to live in a lie. At the end of the day, the tail will eventually catch up with the head. It's just a matter of time. But the feeling is still a heavy one, truth or not.