yes, it's official

My plant officially died today.

I wonder if it symbolises a kind of death in me as well. I am slowly losing passion for my job. Not my kids nor their parents but for the job. The huge increase in paperwork which I view as redundant and takes away time for me to do the more important things, takes away my passion bit by bit each day. I do not want to suffer from presentism... I want to be fully present for my job but as days go by, it seems even more difficult a task to achieve.

Yes, it's not the end of the world and it can be pretty discouraging. I wish for a little more time for self-care. I wish that I can take a well-deserved break without considering, reconsidering and yet reconsidering again. I dun mind working hard but slogging for what I am not convicted about just drains my energy very quickly. I am afraid to be left hanging dry again. I wish there is a way out.

Hate the back-stabbing, gossips, hypocrisy, apathy all going on at the same time as well. All but part and parcel of work life. Do I have to accept and change myself or can I remove myself from it?