Roller-coaster ride

Around ten years ago, when I was doing outdoor sales during the school holidays, my manager once commented that I am like a roller-coaster, sometimes doing very well, sometimes doing badly. It hurt me and I remember thinking to myself that sales is like that, it will not always go well but why is it that some of my colleagues just keep doing well again and again? Week after week, day after day? It got me pretty discouraged and I thought that I could never be a leader. I had appealed to be a leader but was rejected cos I was not consistent in reaching my sales target.

Eventually, my sales picked up and I got more stable and became a leader but somehow, the feeling was no longer the same. It was like something which I wanted badly but not so anymore. More or less, the desire has gradually fizzled through the phase of self-doubt and disappointment. Upon reflection, it was me wanting to chase after something everyone else was moving towards. The lure was great, nobody likes to get left behind, nobody likes to be last. Though I was not last, I was not the first few either. Being a "roller-coaster" teen at that time, the delay in promotion did present as a very dampening experience for me. While a roller-coaster ride has its thrills, especially at the high points, the sudden plunge to a much lower point can leave us feeling like our heart is going to drop. Then it goes on and on.

For me, the question is how to keep the 'high points' feelings and yet keep the 'low points' feelings manageable. I guess it's impossibe to keep to a linear curve when it comes to emotions but perhaps a less fluctuating one. To me, it has to start with believing in your own dream, not somebody else's dream but the dream that God has given you personally. It's never sustaining, to be a carbon copy of another. It's your dream and you own it, taking responsibility for it. The motivation towards achieving a dream instead of fitting into a culture will eventually bring reality and idealism to meet at the same point. At least that's what I believe.