Live for something bigger

Today is a weird day because the past two nights felt like no day and no night. I am trying to get my biological clock back again. Though I missed the deadline by a few hours (I finished it at 3am this morning), I was happy with what I have accomplished simply because I am glad with what I wrote. Not just a piece of crap paper I needed to write but one which I understand and think I have written well. The last assignment was truly crap when I felt I was quite clueless so the goal I set for myself this time round is to spend more time on the readings to understand them, not to exceed the deadline and to write well. I am finally out of the cave :P

It was a paper on working with couples. I don't have much experience in this area and is not even in a relationship but as I go through the readings, they gave me a lot of insights into couple relationships. Sometimes not having much of clue in something may actually be good cos you see it from a fresh perspective, like a detective trying to explore the truth. The drawback is probably the lack of ability to identify but well, it will come eventually I believe :)

It's funny that I was rejected by a client who comes with marital issues for counseling cos I am not married and she wants a person who is. My reaction: To whine and laugh about it with the rest. When I put down the phone, I said to the staff in the whole office, "I was rejected because I am not married." My supervisor looked at me and was shocked. Well, welcome to the real world Jiayan... I remembered I told Meiyan before many years back that I admired this particular person for having gone through certain experiences in her life as I felt that I will benefit much from them. She told me that I do not need to go through all that to be able to emphathise and identify with another. Indeed, God can give me the compassion, wisdom and insights.

The prophecy shared by Christine last Sunday resonated in my heart. It's not about chasing after the experiences, it's about knowing the truth in Christ. Devotion is about giving the heart to God. I realised that I have been missing my dates with God. The retreat I wanted to have monthly are not as appealing as it was previously. Pastor said that missing QT with God is like missing a date. I guess I have been doing that for some time cos my schedule is just so packed. The guilt sets in and I am like... time with God cannot be compromised.

Our lives is worthwhile only when we start living for something bigger than ourselves - Jiayan