"Often, after going through all the hard work of setting up a difficult conversation, we shrink back from saying the hardest but most important truth. We fail to say the last 10 percent. We get vague and fuzzy precisely when clarity is most needed by the other person. Instead of saying, "You talked too much at the meeting," I might say, "It was hard to have a good conversation." Instead of honestly naming rude behavior, I speak vaguely of not feeling connected to the other person and hope they will fill in the blanks. I do this not out of love for the other person, but because I don't want to go through the pain or fear involved in deeper conflict."
(Everybody's normal till you get to know them, John Ortberg)
I am often guilty of this.
The next time, I will fill in the __________ and say the unspoken. It's funny that as we were having the discussion on resolving conflict, Pris cut me off halfway as I was talking to Joel (who was looking blur at what I was trying to drive at) and say, "Jiayan, say the last 10 percent". Haha..it really cracked me up. Yes, Mdm!
It was a priviledge to hear the open and honest sharings last night, of our family, our values and why they are so important to us, what we will do to keep those convictions. It was a ear-opener. Thanks for the time of fellowship, Wei, Pris and Joel :) Looking forward to round 2 tonight at Joel's house, learning how to make wine from raisins... (more photos will be up!)
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